Returning To The Good Vibes Zone

A Short Story About Brandi Badd Ass

A while back, I was having trouble staying in balance. Suddenly, I started losing weight. I wasn’t trying to, and I had been eating as much as I usually do. Within a few weeks I had lost nearly twenty pounds; I was barely 100 pounds. I would also become very easily agitated and it became increasingly difficult for me to concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds at a time. When speaking, I would repeat myself unknowingly. People that I would talk to would tell me that I had repeated myself, and it was very embarrassing for me. I was always sore and my vision was blurred. My energy had decreased and it was difficult to get out of bed each morning. As days would pass, my condition worsened. I hated mirrors; I hated my clothes because most of them didn’t fit anymore. I hated the whole situation, and I couldn’t understand what was going on with me and why it was happening. I refused to accept the possibility that I might be sick because I’m a fighter; I don’t get sick. Besides, I can’t stand doctors.

Before all of this happened, I was doing fine. My days were broken down into a series of routines which were written on dry erase boards on the walls of my bedroom. I followed these routines meticulously everyday. Each day I would meditate for 20 minutes before doing anything else. No TV, social media, coffee, or food until 20 minutes of meditation was completed. Some days I would go to the park and meditate by the river, but most days I did it at home. Next, I’d go walk or run a few miles–nothing major, then I’d come home and say goodbye to my sons as the left for school. Then I’d eat and have no more than 2 cups of coffee while watching TV or looking at social media, study my vision boards to check my progress and make plans to further that progress, then I’d start my job. I would repeat this routine in the evening after work, sans the exercise. I always felt great after completing these routines. It gave me time to think and plan and I was able to work a lot of things out. Nothing was ever urgent and even in stressful situations, I was able to remain cool.

Gradually, I started to minimize steps in the routines. Some days I wouldn’t exercise; some days I’d stay in bed and watch TV for an hour before meditating. I’d stop everything to talk to anyone who was trying to communicate with me, and eventually, I had stopped doing any of it. I felt horrible that I had broken a routine that was working so well for me, but I was feeling so weighted at the time that I could not resume it–even though it was written on my wall positioned so it was the first thing that I’d see upon opening my eyes each morning. I kept telling myself that I was “just taking a break” and that I’d “get back to it when I’m ready“.

Had I become lazy?” I asked myself, even though I knew that was impossible. I can be called a lot of things, and a lot of those things could be true, but lazy is not one of them. My problem has always been that I have more energy and ambition than I have things to do, so laziness was out of the question. Maybe I had become bored with the routine, as I tend to do. Perhaps, I could have rearranged it or substituted some of the steps in the process for other things. Whatever the reason was, I clearly no longer desired doing any of it anymore. I felt as if there was a Baby Grand piano strapped to my back, and I almost always had a headache.

Since I had stopped giving time to myself, for the benefit of my own progress, I had plenty of time for everyone else. I was spending more time on the phone and social media–hearing and reading unpleasant things. I was spending too much time on bullshit and listening to people who make conscious decisions to be unhappy. This was draining, and I knew it, but I allowed it.

Trying to sleep at night was the worst! When a person suddenly loses substantial weight, it’s difficult to find a comfortable position to lay in. I’m used to sleeping on my side and now this was very uncomfortable–so I tossed, turned, and awakened frequently. Lack of rest made doing my job unbearable. I was attitudinal and very impatient with my customers. My attitude was, “I don’t feel well and I don’t care about what you need”. That attitude guaranteed that everyday was excruciatingly long.

ENTER AFROLOGIK

I had been toying around with the idea of starting a new blog or a podcast for about a year. I’d start planning and then abandon the idea. One day, the name “Afrologik” came to me. I liked how it sounded and felt, so I started hashtagging it. After seeing it, I liked how it looked. At this time, I hadn’t yet decided to write a blog, but I kept hashtagging it because I knew that I could eventually do something with such a cool name. In the interim, I still had not returned to performing my daily routines, my attitude had not changed, I still felt sick, I hadn’t gained any weight, and I was still wasting my time with people who were siphoning away what was left of my spirit.

One day a friend told me that I am a pretty good writer. This meshed with what was going on in my head as far as using the name “Afrologik” and that I had thought about starting a new blog. With that encouragement, I decided to give myself a nudge. Since I was already familiar with WordPress, I did some research, viewed some blogs, and ultimately chose a plan and purchased a domain name. I was off to a good start. Now I needed to get busy building the site and writing.

People Can Be Anchors

With a domain name, a WordPress site paid up for a year, and encouragement from someone that I trusted, one would think that I had all of motivation that I could possibly need, right? Well, obviously, it wasn’t, because my behavior hadn’t changed at all. I had the name and the site, but I hadn’t written a word. However, I was still allowing the same people to bombard me with their lives to the point where I was adopting their issues as my own. I felt as though large anchors were chained to my ankles preventing me from moving forward.

I could not move, but I could sit. So, one day, I opened a notebook and begun to write. The more I wrote, the more inspired I became. From this, a new routine was formed. Regardless of what I’d have to do on any given day, I’d have to find time to write. It didn’t matter what I wrote about as long as I wrote for an unspecified amount of time each day. I became so excited by this new habit that it was all I could talk about. And when those ridiculous “anchors” would call on me to intrude upon my day with mindless nonsense, I’d immediately redirect the conversation to Afrologik and how much I was enjoying writing. Even during this change, I was still underweight, sore, my vision was still blurry, and I was still crabby–but I was having less headaches.

I became reacquainted with a friend from middle school on Facebook. While chatting with him on Messenger one day, I told him what I had been doing and asked him if he would mind editing for me. He agreed and shortly thereafter, “Welcome To Afrologik” was written and published, followed immediately by “12 Steps To Staying Youthful“. Both articles received great responses and people started to follow my blog. This was intriguing as well as reassuring. Soon, everything in sight became an idea for a blog. I was happier, but my mental and health status was still unstable.

I started seeing a therapist, because I needed help in creating a plan to regain some level of mental stability. I believed that if I could just “get my head right“, the health issue would also be resolved. My therapist is awesome, and I’m not just saying that because she’ll probably read this (LOL!). The first two meetings consisted of me crying hysterically and telling her that “no matter what I do, I end up feeling like this!“. Talking to her once a week and doing the homework that she assigned helped me feel better–for a while, but my behavior still hadn’t changed. I was still wearing those anchors.

That’s What Friends Are For

With Afrologik off to what I considered to be a decent start and receiving good feedback, I noticed that the anchors hadn’t visited the site, but I was still being a sounding board for their ridiculousness. When I spoke to one of them about this, I was told that although they will offer moral support, they would not follow my blog for reasons that are so fantastically stupid that I refuse to insult my keyboard by typing them. Another anchor posted part of the “12 Steps…” on Facebook as their own. What AWESOME friends I have, right? LOL!

Emerging From The Water- A Brand New Day

Days later, while listening to more of the same nonsensical excerpts of the lives and times of anchors via video message, I had finally heard enough. I stopped the message– probably in the middle–and decided to go take a shower. After I showered I wrapped myself in a towel, stepped out of the bathtub, and walked over to my vanity. As I reached for a bottle of lotion, the towel fell from me. I saw myself in the mirror at 105 pounds, and I did all that I could to keep from crying. I said out loud to my reflection, “You cannot lose ANYMORE weight! What you need to lose are PEOPLE! Lose some people weight! You know that it’s time for some people to GO!”

Our AWESOME Universe

I have not yet decided if the universe was waiting for me to say those words, or if what happened next was all happenstance. I’d like to believe that the universe wanted me to make the realization on my own before it would take action.

One of my anchors contacted me to tell me that our “friendship” was over without giving much of a reason. This was the best news that I could have gotten because I had already decided to bring communication to a screeching halt without any explanation. I really didn’t care how it happened, as long as it happened! In fact, that’s exactly what I did with the other anchor. Just like that, it was all over and neither party would ever have to endure the other again. Harmony!

That night, I lit a candle, filled the bathtub with water–as hot as I could stand–and poured some sea salt and lavender oil into it. With some old school Roy Ayers playing in the background, I laid back in the water until only my face was not underwater (because you know, I still had to breathe). As sweat beads formed on my forehead, I imagined that I was releasing all of the toxins that I had endured and that I would emerge from that water brand new, and that’s exactly what happened. I had returned to my good vibes zone.

The next morning, I resumed my original daily routine, as written on my dry erase boards, and added power writing each night. Within two weeks, I gained seven pounds and my vision was no longer blurry. I’m still working toward my usual weight, which is 125 pounds, but I’m no longer losing weight. I still see my therapist every week, sometimes every two weeks. And guess what? My life isn’t perfect! I have personal ups and downs; I have bad days at work; I still make myself available for my children and my friends, and when they are not happy, it weighs on me. I don’t mind, because they carry my weight at times as well. Balance.

The intended purpose of this story is that having the wrong people in your life can affect you mentally as well as physically. Anyone who does not celebrate you in your victories, support you in your efforts, or tries to attach themselves to the things that you’ve worked hard on, does not belong in your life. The anchors that were in my life are not bad people at all; we just no longer fit into each other’s lives. We weren’t feeding each other anymore. When you discontinue to feed any living thing, it dies. Those relationships were once alive and vibrant, and I will always cherish what they were at one time. Towards the end, the kinship was already dead; it just hadn’t been buried yet. As soon as they were given a proper burial, my health improved. I hope that their lives improved also.

Sometimes we have to sacrifice people and things; this enables us to grow, and it creates space for new people and new things that will carry us onto further greatness. It’s important to be smart enough to recognize what or who is hindering us, and strong enough to walk away. Change can be difficult at first. For instance, after those deletions were made, I had no one to talk to, as most of the people in my life are extremely busy. That turned out to be a good thing, because it encouraged me to become extremely busy–working on myself.

It’s all a part of the process of life. Trust the process and believe that you can take flight. But, you will never leave the ground, if you have anchors chained to your ankles.

“When you wake up, each day looks the same, so each day should be a new beginning”

~Prince

Plan “A” Is All That You Need

10 Reasons Why A “Plan B” Isn’t Necessary

Plan B“, “Alternate Strategy”, “Back Up Plans” are all very practical and safe reasonings. After all, we have all been conditioned to think with the logic of the cliche “Plan A is always have a ‘Plan B’”. We all feel much safer knowing that we have several systems in place just in case something goes wrong (as they usually do), right?

The problem with “Back-Up Plans” is that they almost always become lifestyles, careers, and sometime even spouses! Plan B is nothing more than an excuse for allowing ourselves to become lazy or complacent, instead of putting the required work and effort into our original goal, dream, or passion. Sure, it may be a safe and comfortable place to settle; but it might not be very fulfilling to spend the rest of our lives that way.

The alternate plan is not a crutch, it’s a couch. A place to lounge and be comfortable while watching television, reading, or any other form of entertainment that is being provided by people who have worked hard and put in the time and effort to to live their “Plan A”. Sometime you have throw practicality and safety to the wind and take a chance on yourself!

The second that we form a back-up plan, we have decided that our primary plans will fail. If we really think about it, in the time used forming alternate plans we could have been building a stronger process for our primary goals. The questions to ask ourselves are: “How badly do I want this?” and “What am I willing to risk?”. For our goals, our dreams, and for ourselves we should be willing to risk everything!

1 Devise Your Plan A And Put It Into Motion

Take the necessary time to find your goal. Do the research. Go online, talk to other people that are in the field that you are interested in. Make sure that this is the move for you. If you are positive in your heart and mind that this is something that you not only want to do, but was born to do, then there is no need for a Plan B.

2- Work Hard At It Daily

If you already have a full time job, now you have two! This is going to require all of the time and brainpower that you have. I work forty hours per week for someone else’s company. After I’m done with my “job“, I spend the next four to six hours working on my passion–this blog (even though I’d rather eat and then fall asleep while watching Sanford & Son). Why? Because I believe in it. Goals are not accomplished by flukes! You will have to sacrifice some of the things that you enjoy to accomplish your goals, but it will pay off!

3- Decide To Either Sink Or Swim

When you eliminate Plan B, that is exactly what you have decided to do; either sink or swim. But don’t worry! This is the push that is going to lead you to success! When everything depends on it you’ll work harder because you have to.

4- Learn From Your Errors (There Will Be Many)

Don’t be discouraged by mistakes, consider them opportunities for learning. Wisdom is gained through trial and error — so in a way, mistakes are necessary. Take the lesson, fix it, and move on!

5- Put It Out Into The Universe

Self affirmations works! Tell yourself everyday that you are going to succeed. Speak it verbally as well. Create a vision board. Create several if necessary, and place them where you will see them daily. Make a list of all the great things about yourself and read it every chance you get. Soon you will believe that you will succeed at what you are working on. Michael Jackson used this method while recording the “Thriller” album. I think it worked for him…

6- Only Share What You Are Doing With Informed People

This is VERY important! Some friends and even family may not be capable of understanding what you are working toward. Their incapability could very easily knock you off of your square. These are people that you do not need to discuss your dreams and goals with. Discuss your mission with people who are in the field of interest that you are working on and people who are encouraging. And also, be prepared to lose and or limit some relationships. It is most important that you stay positive. Do not waste time on people who are not conducive to positivity and success.

7- Accept No Excuses. Not Even Your Own

Plan B’s are built on excuses. If you are alive, you can do it! Accept nothing except success!

8- Don’t Expect Instant Success

This will likely be a long and winding road, be prepared for that. Stay in the game regardless of how long, hard, and tiring it becomes. During this period of building your goal or niche, you will learn how to keep it and nurture it. This is a very important part of the process. Patience is a must!

9- Accept Constructive Criticism

No one enjoys being criticized, even constructively. When criticisms come to you from informed sources (people in your field/niche) or people who genuinely care about you- listen! You may or may not agree with it, but you should still consider it. There are times when another set of eyes or ears are needed to catch the mistakes that you might have missed. An outside appraisal from people that you respect could also encourage you to work harder.

10- NEVER GIVE UP!

You are strong! You are resilient! You are beautiful! You deserve all the greatness that life has to offer…unless you give up.

It is better to edit, edit, and re-edit Plan A than it is to have a Plan B. Anything that is being built will need adjustments as it is being constructed, so will your process. Make the adjustments, but do not destroy the structure.

There is no need for a Plan B if your Plan A game is strong.

Feeling Good About YOU!

Loving Your Flaws When Others Do Not

“If you’ve not been criticized, booed, jeered, or such; it’s not because you have no flaws, but because you don’t count so much”

~Danny Thomas

I fell in love with that poem when I heard Danny Thomas say it at the end of a Dean Martin’s Celebrity Roast that was held in his honor. I’m not sure that these are his original words, but they really hit home for me. I’ve always had to deal with harsh criticisms from people who don’t understand me and aren’t interested in trying to. All they know is that I am different from what is acceptable as normal, and it sometimes seems most important to these people that I know that they believe me to be “weird“.

Some of Us March To Our Own Drummers/ Some of Us Have Our Own Rhythm Section

People who are not afraid to march to their own drumbeat often endure the criticisms of other people– sometimes even the ones that we love. Personally, I’ve been labeled with a plethora of adjectives that were used on me with the intent of hurting me or breaking me. Terms like: different, weird, crazy, strange, even retarded! Even more outlandish terms such as: snooty, stuck up, and selfish! (Clearly these are people who have never gotten to know me, or people who did something to get on my bad side). I think my favorite snide remark about me is: “You’re too much”. Because of the context in which it is used, that is ACTUALLY supposed to be an insult! I’ve always wondered if they knew that being “too much” is so much better that being “not enough“.

There was a time when those types of remarks would really sting. Especially when they came from relatives and so called close friends. I spent many years feeling as though I really did not “fit” anywhere. I felt unwanted so I tried to follow trend–at least enough to fit in amongst my peers. As a result, I started losing myself. Sure, I fit in and everyone thought I was cool, but I didn’t like myself so much anymore. I decided to take a time out for self assessment. I needed to decide which was more important: that “they” like me, or that I liked myself.

You Have To Live With Yourself

Of all of the components of this issue, there would be one thing that would never change– I would have to live with me for the rest of my life. No one else would ever be obligated to live with me forever except for me; so I’d better get as comfortable with myself as possible. With this mindset, I decided that fitting in to avoid criticism was no longer an option for me. Regardless of the general consensus, I would always be the me-est me that I could be!

I won’t pretend that this was easy– it wasn’t. In fact, at times it was physically and emotionally draining. I felt alone and misunderstood which moved me to create a fence around myself. That might not sound like a good idea but at the time it was necessary. I needed the time and space to get comfortable in my own skin. Even though I felt alone often, I believed that I truly needed the time to myself. I’m an extrovert, so this was a difficult but necessary step to take if I really wanted to get back to “me”.

I stopped going to clubs and parties. Most of the times that I spent time in these kinds of places was at the behest of people that I thought I needed to blend in with. Instead of going out to night clubs and parties, I started hanging out at Barnes & Noble at night on weekends. I’d always loved to read but I hadn’t read a book in a couple of years because I was too busy fitting in. In fact, books became an important part of this odyssey. I spent a lot of time in libraries as well. I read about everything that I saw. I had so many questions and there was a book or 100 for every question that I had. This new behavior aligned me with others who shared my newly reformed interest in reading. These were people that I met at Barnes & Noble or the library. Eventually, I started taking classes at a community college where I met even more people who loved to read and learn.

I did not completely cease contact with my party people–instead I inserted reasonable distance. From time to time, I’d still communicate with a few of them. I told the few that I still dealt with what I had been doing and where I had been going, and to my surprise, one or two of them became interested also. I will not take this as an opportunity to pat my own back but I have a couple of friends who are now very well read…because of me-the de facto weirdo.

Conversely, there were also people from my former band of associates who felt that I was “acting funny“. Being called uppity and sadity (I really cant stand that (non)word) didn’t bother me at all but rather, showed me that I was better off being in my own “little world” and away from such people. This would prove to be much better for me. I felt lighter, I smiled more, and strangers always seemed happy to have me around. This felt right. This was the life that I knew before my experiment with conformity.

Loving YOU

As time has moved on, I’ve found that I can comfortably be myself in any company and I never feel the need to readjust myself. On the rare occasion that I am uncomfortable in certain company, I simply remove myself–physically if possible. If I can’t remove myself physically, I remove myself mentally. I worked hard and had become brave enough to be accept my eccentricities –not take umbrage from those who couldn’t appreciate my “me-ness“. To this day, I dress differently, I speak differently, and my belief systems and are ideals are different compared to those of my peers– and if that ever changes, it will be only because I want to change them– not because they do not work with the masses. And people…well, they still have things to say. It usually comes back to me through the grapevine, but I never spend any time on their opinions. I wish them all well and move on with my life.

Stand Up To Stand Out/ Inventors vs Consumers

Not everyone is meant to be one of the crowd; some of us were placed on planet Earth to stand out. I call it “inventors vs consumers“. You have to be a little odd to be an inventor. To create something, you have to be able to think differently than the masses. Most of the things that have become necessities in our everyday lives were invented by weirdos–people who were talked about, ostracized, picked on, and misunderstood. The same can be said about the greatest leaders of the world. But they worked on their crafts and they made a difference in the world. They are all very important people and life as we know it would be very different had they decided to become one of the crowd in order to avoid ridicule. Consumers are equally important because obviously, someone has to buy and use these inventions, and by nature they follow. It’s us weirdos who provide the crowd with what they need in order to be cool.

I carry Danny Thomas’ poem in my mind because it reminds me that no one takes the time to criticize, jeer, or put down insignificant people. We actually have to qualify to be subject to insult. Our flaws are integral parts of who we are, they make us beautiful. Love your flaws and be flawsome as you go on to do great things– be they public or private victories. Stay steadfast, confident and vested in yourself!

Are You Blocking Your Own Happiness?

Finding Happiness Within Yourself

2015 was a terrible year for me. Anything that could go wrong, did; from very minor things to very major things. Some things seemed to go wrong simply for the sake of going wrong. In fact, whenever I think back to that year, the sentence that comes to mind is: “That year tried to kill me!”. I know that sounds ridiculous. How can a year try to kill someone? Yeah, it can’t happen right? No, it can’t. However, the events of that year tested my will, strength and spirit so often that following an incident that I felt was “the last straw“, I really tried to end it all. Obviously I survived it, but my life changed forever.

Fast forward to 2018. I am here on planet Earth in physical form and everyday is not a good day. In the past three years, plenty of things have gone wrong. Some of those things were happenstance and many of them were entirely my fault. I’ve always taken responsibility for my own indiscretions; some of which have been redundant. I’ve often questioned myself as to why I choose to repeat certain behaviors or actions that have proven themselves to be self destructive (at most). My answer was always “because I’m unhappy”.

If you know me personally and have spent time around me- or even if you only know me from social media, you know that I am almost always laughing, joking, and smiling. But I’ve spent a lot of time being unhappy, even when I’m seemingly elated. If you’ve never worn that mask, you cannot know how tiring it is to live that double life. So, I asked myself a different set of questions: What would make you happy? What makes anybody happy? Are there happy people? Well… first, let’s define “happy“.

According to Webster Dictionary:

Happy: feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.

In my opinion, happiness is also a feeling of fulfillment. In fact, since I don’t like the word “contentment” (sounds too much like settling) lets replace it with “fulfillment”. So, what makes a person feel pleasure and fulfillment?

That would depend on what a person want’s out of life. Most people believe that money will do it. If you hit the $250 million dollar jackpot, would you really be happy? An even better question; would you really be happier than you are right now? Probably not. And if so, not for long.

Of course money offers security and less worries about financial issues when used correctly. It can also afford you some of life’s luxuries — but it cannot improve the quality of your life if you do not value your life in its present tense. Affluent people are not always happy. They suffer from some of the same issues that us regular people have. A monetary issue cannot be the sole source of your unhappiness. If you do some soul searching you might find that personal happiness is already inside of you, but it is you who keeps burying it with worry.

Why Are You Robbing Yourself?

Most of the time our problems are merely the results of our own bad decisions. If you are alive to read this, no matter how bad the situation may be, you can do something about it.

1. Is It Something From The Past That You Can’t Forgive Yourself For?

If so, then don’t waste time trying to forgive yourself! I made it a rule to never make apologies to myself but only to those that I have offended. Instead of forgiving myself, I take the lesson and move forward with it. That is much more valuable than a self apology. Growth comes with all lessons and we all need to grow for as long as we are alive. So let it go, but keep the lesson.

2. Are You Not Doing Your Best At Everything That You Do?

You are not going to be an expert at everything that you try — And that is the good news, my friends! If everyone was an expert at everything then we wouldn’t need one another, and it would be a lonely life. What matters is that you always give your personal best and don’t be afraid to fail, because you most definitely are going to fail!And that too is good news! Some of life’s most important lessons are learned through failure. Use your strongest skills to give to your family and community. Doing for others and making a difference will provide happiness that is immeasurable. Even when you are at your lowest, give if you can. Never do things for recognition. If your deeds are acknowledged, awesome! If not, you did it from your heart and the universe will recognize that. You never know, it could be a test.

3. Is A Bad Relationship Bringing You Down?

If doesn’t matter if it is a friendship, familial, romantic, or even a business relationship. If it is not making you feel like giving the world your best “You” — you don’t need it. Smiles show on the outside, but they start on the inside. The people that you choose to have around you should provide that for you, and you for them. Life won’t be a field of sunflowers everyday in your personal relationships but the bond needs to be strong enough to assure you that the storm will indeed pass and soon it will be sunshine and sunflowers again. Are you getting as much as you are giving? Are you afraid to make a change? Sometimes taking self inventory is a very hard thing to do, but it is necessary for growth and happiness. Maybe you won’t need to end relationships but change their positions. I was talking to my Aunt Lee once about a friendship that I was in that suddenly changed, and she asked me, “Is he/she your best friend for 20 years, or was he/she your best friend 20 years ago?”. When someone is not bringing out the best in you, it’s time to either make omissions or rearrange the ranking of the relationship.

4. Love: Are You Getting It/Giving It?

One area of my life that I have always felt as though I am the luckiest person in the world is in the love department. I have always been surrounded by people who love me. They might not always like me, but I know that they love me. I can only pray that I can love them all back as aggressively. I don’t know what it is like to feel unloved, but I know what it is like to feel unlovable.

If you are blessed enough to have people who love you in your life, reach out to them when you are feeling down. You don’t have to tell them what is going on with you if you choose not to. Hearing that the people you love are doing well could aid in lifting your spirits. It might also give you some ideas about what you would like to do with your life. Or it could simply reassure you that being happy is still possible — even for you!

For those who are short on family or friends, you still have love to give. Go out and do something for a stranger. You could also take a class or join a club; these are all things that can give you a feeling of accomplishment and ultimately happiness!

5. Get The Chip Off of Your Shoulder!

Okay, okay, okay!!! So life is hard sometime. In fact, sometimes it just plain SUCKS! We’ve all been there once or twice. That is no reason to wear a permanent scowl and spread your bitterness. Positive energy can change anything. If you throw positive energy into the universe, it will return that energy to you. If the world is afraid to approach you because you decide to wear your wounds, then you will be miserable. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it (I hate platitudes, but that one fit). Wearing your wounds and dwelling on what is wrong will only guarantee you more misery that you will likely suffer through alone, so don’t alienate yourself! However, if things are so bad that you cannot fake it through the day, take some personal time to work things out at your own pace. If necessary, seek professional help.

6. There Is No Microwave Approach To Happiness

Beware of “instant happiness” for it will leave you as suddenly as it comes. New cars get old, the latest wireless devices are upgraded on a yearly basis, new clothes are only new until you wear them. I could go on and on… Take your time and dig deeply into your heart and psyche and find what makes you smile on the inside. Focus on that! Whatever it is, it should not be something that you can physically touch or even describe. Find the thing inside of you that is holding your happiness hostage and free yourself of it. Then you will exude happiness. Others will feel it simply because you are there.

Us humans vibrate 24–7/365. If we all vibrate toward positivity, it can be a happy life for us all!

And to answer my own questions:

What would make me happy? As I evolve, so will the things that make me happy. I send and receive love. As long as that is a constant, I am happy.

What makes anybody happy? That’s up to them.

Are there happy people? Yes, there are!

You Are What You Attract

The Art of Checking Yourself

Do you ever wonder why it seems that wherever you go and whatever you do, you tend to meet the same types of people? If you are constantly being aligned with good people, then meeting good people is your expectation and the universe is meeting your expectation in a good way. Awesome! Keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll continue to reap the rewards. However, if you continue to meet people who are not such good people; the universe is still meeting your expectation- but conversely, you’ll continue to pay the consequences (unless these are the types of people that you prefer to be in the company of. If that is the case then you too are reaping the rewards).

Whichever vibes you are giving off will be returned to you. So if you do not put yourself in the position to receive good vibes, then you won’t. Think of who you are, where you’ve been, and where you want to go in life. These are the types of spirits that you’d want to attract: like minded people who will support you on your journey.

The Art of Checking Yourself

Walking around with a big Colgate smile on your face does not mean that you are sending good vibes to those who enter your presence. The universe as well as other people will read more than facial expressions; they read spirits as well. A smile does not always mean that a person is vibrating towards positivity, as smiles are often fake. There are people who can smile after committing the most heinous offenses, so you have to do more than show some teeth.

Your words and thoughts are large contributors to your vibe. I’ve read several books, articles, and blogs on, “How To Stay Positive“, but the reality is that life happens. When it does, it’s not always so easy to stay positive about current situations as they are happening. It’s common advice to tell someone in this position that “You’re still alive” or “Tomorrow is another day“. If you are anything at all like me, those types of phrases can knock whatever positivity that you may have had completely out of you. Obviously you are still alive, otherwise you wouldn’t be there becoming annoyed by a cliche. And of course tomorrow is another day. Were it not, it’d be today or yesterday (DUH!). I’ve said all of that to say that it’s not always possible to stay positive about current specific situations; nonetheless, only you have control over your reactions. It is your reactions that are being read by the universe as well as other people because your reaction is attached to your vibe. Focusing on the things that are going well and or working on what’s to come will increase those positive vibrations and the universe will send you more. Is this easy to do? Nope! Not at first. But when it becomes a habit, you’ll do it without thinking about it.

One thing that I do to keep my reaction in check is wear crystals and magnets, because… well, I believe that crystals and magnets are powerful. Maybe they really are and maybe they are not. If nothing else, when I look down at my Tigers Eye bracelets, I’m reminded to calm down and check my reaction. Find a method that works for you and implement it.

Gravity

You Are Your Own Planet

You are a planet with your own gravitational force. You control what is drawn to you by being what you want to attract. If you are bitter, insecure, jealous-hearted, angry, miserable, messy, petty, or a plethora of other negative things, these are the traits that you will attract because they can continue to thrive on your planet. Contrarily, people who do not possess those negative traits cannot live in such an environment. Although you may lure good people into your atmosphere with a smile or a conversation, they will not stay in an environment that is unfit for their survival.

If you consistently meet the same types of people, or the same individuals are in and out of your life, it’s not their fault– it’s yours. If you want it to stop, it’s easily fixable: stop feeding them and they will die (figuratively, of course).

Don’t Fool Yourself/ Be Fair To Others

There are people who are content in their negative and dramatic worlds– and they have every right to be. If you are that type of person, it’s best that you stick to your genre unless you are really ready to change. Otherwise, it isn’t fair to those who choose to position themselves for growth. Besides, karma does not play– and she’s very protective of her people.

Be true to yourself and others and you will always get what you ask for!

Enter The Good Vibes Zone

Finding Little You

A lot of our “grown up” time on this planet is spent doing what we “have to do“. Working, paying bills, spending our time and energy on people and things that we probably wouldn’t choose on our own, but it’s what has to be done (adulting sucks!). If we are not careful, we can allow that tolerance of things that are not very enjoyable leak into other areas of life and before long, we’ll find ourselves going through the motions. It’s very easy to become stuck in this position but it is difficult to break free from it.

The Good Vibes Zone

The Good Vibes Zone is whatever you want it to be. It’s always a static free space. No responsibilities. No annoying coworkers. No bills to pay! No, it is not a fantasy place. It’s very real, but most of us have blocked it from our brains because we’ve allowed what we have to do become our only priorities. Guess what? YOU are a priority also! You’ve just forgotten.

Remember when you were a kid and could make anything into a toy? When I was a kid, I had tons of toys. I was heavily into Barbie. I’m sure that I had every Barbie product. The house, cars, spa, RV, and plenty of dolls and clothes for them. With all of those great toys that I most likely asked for, I also played with: hair rollers, sticks, erasers, pencils, rubber bands, bottles- basically anything that I could get my hands on. Why? Because any and everything was whatever I wanted it to be. The possibilities were endless. My mind was always creating something else and I used random objects to articulate what my mind wanted to create. Life was good and boredom definitely was not a thing. I’m certain that I am not the only kid who did this.

The good news is that the kids that we were then are still inside of us. They try to communicate with us but we quiet them, since we have so many adult things that need tending to. As a result, we become uptight, stagnant, lethargic, bitter, and just plain dull.

Little Me

Recently, I’ve began letting the kid inside of me have one hour per day to come out and play. We do what ever she wants to do. If she wants to go to the park, we go. If she wants to blast music and dance, we do. Even when she wants to climb things and fall off of things, we do (adult me usually pays the price for that…). Sometimes I let her play for more than an hour.

The time that I spend with “Little Me” reminds me that I am still vibrant, energetic, active, and HERE! When I am with her, the only time is NOW; so there is no reason to worry about things that I cannot fix right now, or things that have not and might not happen. “Little Me” never worries about what other people say or do because she is free.

There are even times when I allow her to take the wheel in adult situations because she is too smart to take herself too seriously. She’s very self aware.

Challenge!

I challenge everyone who reads this blog to spend a little time this weekend finding “Little You” and let him/her guide you to the Good Vibes Zone. Schedule some play dates and watch life become less of a drag!

12 Steps To Staying Youthful

Just a few moments ago, I went to the store to buy a nice bottle of Merlot (my favorite wine). I placed the bottle on the counter to be rung up by the cashier. The cashier; a man that I assumed to be in his early 40’s like myself, had a goatee with flecks of grey. Not a bad looking guy and very friendly. He asked to see my ID and of course I obliged him. He read my drivers license and looked back at me, “No way! No way were you born in 1975! I thought I was older than you” he said in what appeared to be amazement. Without conceit, I have to admit that I am used to this reaction whenever I am carded. I smiled and said, “Yup! It’s true. I was born in 1975“. I’m also used to his next statement (I could almost say it with him) “What’s your secret?” I gave my signature response, “Good genes“. He completed the sale after some brief banter, bagged my bottle and I was on my way.

While sitting in my car, I thought about it; is there anything that I am doing that increases my youthfulness, or is it really just genetic? I am vegetarian and I get at most the minimum amount of exercise in each day, nothing special. Maybe it really is just genetic.

As I began to to drive, I gave it more thought. What if anything am I doing differently? Slowly, some ideas started to materialize.

I’m going to make this perfectly clear before I give you my list. DO NOT STOP READING HERE! I am not going to state what is usually said about “How to stay young”. You know, the typical spiel: eat right, get rest, exercise. Honestly, I don’t do any of those things (even though they are all important). I’m vegetarian, as I said earlier, but a vegetarian lifestyle does not necessarily mean a healthy diet. Most days, I have to remind myself to eat. I’m an insomniac. 3 or 4 hours of sleep for me is a lot! Also, as I said earlier, I get the minimum amount of exercise in daily (and I have to force that sometimes). I’ll add (because most blogs on staying youthful include “Living a stress free” or “Less stressful” life) that I do not live a stress free or less stressful life. I am a mother and an employee. In other words, I. Have. Stress. So what is it that I do?

1- Don’t Call Yourself “Old”

You are what you say you are. If you say that you are old, then you are old and you will behave as such- plain and simple. When I look in the mirror, I see me– the same me that I saw at ages 10, 20, 30, and now 40+. If you do not think about age, then it will not become a factor.

2- Slow Down

Not everything is an emergency. Take time out during each day to breathe. Meditate. Focus. Assess. While doing this, often you will see that the situation isn’t really that urgent. Chill and don’t let little things get you riled up. Appreciate the the things that are presently right.

3- Don’t Act Your Age.

Us 40’s and older folks like to assume that certain things “come with the territory“. Why think of it that way? In fact, why think of it at all if you don’t have to? When you make up your mind that “these things will happen“, guess what? THEY WILL! And if they do, so what? It doesn’t have to interrupt your quality of life and it definitely does not have to affect your mindset. Whether you travel the Earth on two feet or roll through it in a wheelchair, only you have control over your mindset. Remind yourself that you’ve been through things before, and if you continue to have birthdays, you’ll go through more. Push through as you always have.

4- Don’t Carry Other People’s Weight

We all know people who seem to always have “drama” going on that they can’t wait to invade your space with. It’s okay to be an ear or even a shoulder, but leave the conversation at the last syllable. In reality, it’s not your problem. Earthlings will dump all of their issues on each other and as a result, the listener will walk away feeling tired and heavy from things that are not their problems. It’s okay to say to them, “I can’t listen to this anymore. I wish you well and I’m confident that things will work out in the way that they are supposed to“, and keep it moving. Allowing others to interrupt your energy will make you age like a banana.

5- Don’t Assume That Young(er) Means Dumb

Younger people are not dumb, they just have a different perspective on life. Watch them. Listen to them. Learn from them as you’d want them to learn from you. Let some of their youth transfer onto you by association. And shut up sometimes! Let them talk. You might be surprised at what you’ll learn.

6- Try Something New

Don’t let age stop you from being daring and adventurous. Be as vibrant as you ever were. Be crazy! Go to a nudist beach, skydive, bungee jump (do people still do that?). Okay, some of that might be a bit far fetched, but you know what I mean. Break your old fogey, conformist chains and do something different and exciting. Maybe something that you’ve always wanted to do but never did. Revisit or create your bucket list. Awaken your inner child! He/she is probably getting bored…

7- Get Rid of Useless Relationships

As my children have heard me say millions of times : “If it ain’t growing, it’s dead“. Surround yourself only with those who feed you spiritually and or mentally, otherwise you are feeding yourself death. Don’t waste time on trying to change anyone or waiting for them to “get it”. It doesn’t take long to identify whether or not a person belongs in your life. Once an identification has been made and you find that they do not belong, either reassign their position or omit them from your life. There doesn’t have to be hard feelings on your part–only you have control of that, so choose to not have hard feelings. See! I just saved you from Crows Feet!

8- Dance As If No One Is Watching (even if everyone is watching)

Sometimes it’s fun to be foolish, so act a fool sometimes! You all should see me when the dancing mood strikes. I’ll get up and start dancing at any given moment. Am I a good dancer? HELL NO! But it puts me in the good vibes zone. I’m not always at home when this happens. I’m reminded of a day when I was at Journeys shoe store with both of my sons. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen played over the stores speakers and I began to sing along. LOUDLY (yes, even the operatic part). Soon, the sales staff had joined me in singing and acting out the lyrics. My sons were embarrassed but the salespeople and I had a great time. Throw etiquette to the wind now and then. In other words: get the stick out of your ass!

9- SMILE!

Even if you don’t feel like it. Walk into every room as if you are the star and everyone there is lucky to have you in their presence. Smile at people as though they are stars and you are lucky to be amongst them. Create that atmosphere everyday no matter where you are and your heart will grow more youthful.

10- Don’t Worry About What “They” Say Or Think

“They” can’t live or die for you so be happy and comfortable with who you are. As long as you are not hurting yourself or anyone else– do you! There is a reason why there is only one you and there will never be another– because only YOU can do it! Do not let the “theys” of the world rob you of yourself. If your “circle” can’t subscribe to who you are, create a new circle. The world is HUGE and there are approximately 7.44 billion people in it; there is definitely a genre out there for you.

11- Make The Rules Work For You

I wouldn’t suggest that anyone break laws. The consequences probably wouldn’t be very enjoyable. However, rules are often easily manipulated. Go against the machine sometimes and make the rules work for you on your own terms. Be radical! That’s usually how change occurs.

12- Live Out Loud

Enjoy being you! You only get one time in space to do it. How do I do it? I do it to death!