2019: New Year, New Goals

Accomplishing Goals For The New Year

This is the final Afrologik article of 2018. I’ve expressed to you all how very appreciative I am of your support, so I won’t go into detail with that gratitude. However, I truly hope that I have given you all something positive that you can take into 2019. Through writing this blog, I’ve discovered much about myself, so thank you all for allowing me to share my thoughts with you. ( To go on with this subject would be an act of redundancy. If you need to know the full extent of my gratitude for your support, click here).

New Year Reset

A new year is pretty awesome because it is a chance to hit “reset“. Of course it is not a clean slate (wouldn’t it be nice if it was?), but it is an opportunity to plan for a new outcome. We can set new goals or improve on the areas of our lives that need improvement. I’m sure that we all have some nuts and bolts that could use tightening up.

Everyone is about to start talking about losing weight, and gyms everywhere are about to launch massive advertising campaigns to attract thousands of people who are not going to stick with it (pardon my frankness, but some of you know who you are, and know that it’s true). I understand because I’ve been there. It’s as easy to to become motivated to work out as it is to become unmotivated.

Don’t Jive Yourself

Committing to a workout and diet plan really is hard work — especially in the beginning. You have to condition yourself to stick to a schedule, stay away from certain foods that you might enjoy, and be consistent with things that you are not used to. Setting goals and reaching them is encouraging, but it’s not alway enough motivation to see us through the process. That is usually the part where we start making excuses: pain, family, job, too tired — you know, the usual BS. Instead of lying to others, as well as ourselves, why not be honest and admit the truth: “I wasn’t as serious about it as I wanted to be, so I quit.” I’m sure that admitting that is very liberating.

Unfortunately, many people will start the year off working on their goals and dreams with the same vigor as those who failed at committing to lose weight, and in a few months (or weeks), they’ll begin to lose momentum and settle for the life that they have. There’s nothing wrong with being content with your current life, if you’re happy. Setting new goals is not always indicative of unhappiness. Sometimes, goals are set to achieve self-fulfillment. When we are no longer ambitious, we are reneging on the fulfillment that we desire, or need.

Set Your Goals And Stick To Them

Setting goals and staying on task can be extremely difficult to do — I know this from experience, as I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I’ve been 170lbs (at 5’3), desperately needing to lose 40lbs. I’d start workout regimens and lifestyle changes, and then totally blow them off. In the end, vanity gave me the push that I needed to lose weight and adopt new and better habits. I’ve also set personal goals to acquire material things and personal achievements, only to run out of gas halfway to the finish line. It’s never taken long for me to regret giving up on myself. That regret would make me apprehensive about trying again, because I knew that I couldn’t bear more self disappointment. Nonetheless, I always got up and tried again.

I started planning for a better 2019 in 2018, but as life would have it, towards the end of the year, I was hit with obstacle after obstacle. This time, what I had working in my favor, was that 2018 was the best year that I’ve had in several years, so I’m optimistic about the upcoming new year. I know where I want to be, what I want to do, and most importantly, I know what I have to do to accomplish those things.

COME ON OBSTACLES! THE GLOVES ARE OFF! BRING IT!

As we all prepare to begin a new revolution, we must stay on course. If there are things that you want to accomplish this year, and you are serious about accomplishing them, take the gloves off and bare-knuckle box to achieve the things that you want. Be steadfast and vigilant.

Make a list — today — of all of the steps involved with making your goals a reality, and cross off each step as you complete them (a friend suggested this to me a couple years ago. It really does help!). This will show your progress in real time and encourage you to keep going.

Two thousand nineteen is the year of possibilities. Everything that you want is possible, if you are willing to put in the work. You got this! And the universe has got you!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 🎊🎆🎈

My Umi says: shine your light on the world. Shine your light for the world to see

~Mos Def

2 Days Left In 2018: What Writers Block Looks Like

A Look Back…

I can only speak for myself, but 2018 was an awesome year! I traveled, I met some Facebook friends, I found myself, and I found the place that I really want to be (California); I’ve even started making plans to make that a reality. Most importantly, I started Afrologik, which has been an amazing journey. Afrologik is the earmark for the greatness that is to come. Also, it is the first of my many endeavors that I have stuck with, and plan to continue. I enjoy writing this blog, and I’m grateful to my audience. Your encouragement made that possible.

In writing for Afrologik, many times I have experienced writers block, (as writers tend to do). There are several ways of combating writers block, such as: taking a break and doing other things until inspiration hits, exercising, eating, and much more. I’d often feel guilty about running out of gas, so I started looking on Google for ways to fight it. All I found was more of what I mentioned earlier. So I thought, “writing is art, and artists have to be creative. I’ve got to do something creative to awaken my own creativity”. With that idea in mind, I turned to Snapchat and it’s filters. You know what? It worked every time!

As the end of 2018 is more imminent, I’ve decided to share with you some of what I did to combat writers block. This is my invitation to you, to the sillier side of Brandi Badd Ass.

When Writers Block Commence

This Christmas – Donny Hathaway

If You Want Me To Stay – Sly & The Family Stone

Annie Don’t Wear No Panties – Erykah Badu

Cosmic Slop – Funkadelic

Goldmine – Take 6

School Boy Crush – Average White Band

Blues And Pants – James Brown

‘Round Midnight – Amy Winehouse

🍋 Lemons To Lemonade

Anything can be fun, if you make it fun. For writers, running out of words and/or ideas is the worst! It doesn’t have to be a drag. Whatever it is that you have to deal with, is probably not as much of a drag as it seems to be. Take a break from it and have fun! The answers usually come after you’ve separated yourself from the frustrations, this is something that I know all too well, so you can take my word for it. If I can do it, ANYONE can do it!

We’ve got two more days to get our heads right for 2019. Enter the new year in the good vibes zone. Love, laugh, and relax–it’s not that urgent.

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade “

~ Some cat who probably had a lemonade stand

10 Music Artists To Relax With

Music Therapy

The weekend is here! After working all week, we finally get a couple of days to chill and relax. The universe is awesome for that. I’m sure that many of you have exciting plans and things to do, while others may not have any thing planned; except for maybe some housework and “me” time. I will be doing the latter, and I’m perfectly alright with that.

For those of you who are going to spend the weekend as I am, don’t allow boredom to take the wheel. Alternately, take the chill time as a chance to let your mind work out some of the things that might need working out.

I know that when it’s quiet and we don’t have anything planned (especially on the weekend, when we feel that we should have plans), it’s very easy to slip into worry or depression. Since I am very well acquainted with that concept, I have a way of combating it: MUSIC!

There are artists who are able to take me away from worry and despair with their voices, time signatures, grooves, or styles. Listening to them immediately smacks me into my happy place.

“Music has charms to soothe the savage breast”

~William Congreve

(That’s not a typo. It really is “breast”. I’ve always thought it was “beast”, didn’t you? I Googled it and checked several sources and it really is “breast”. Imagine that! Click here to learn more.)

Listed below are 10 artists (in no particular order) whose music have the power to keep me happy and at peace. There are several other artists that I listen to daily, but this list contains artists who calm me down when my mind is getting the best of me.

1) Jamiroquai

Jamiroquai’s music obviously has some kind of magical ingredient that makes it impossible to be anything other than happy and at ease–and that’s just the music. If you pay attention to the lyrics, not only will you feel happiness, you’ll also become ambitious. Jamiroquai makes me want to bring positive changes to the planet. They are definitely my “go to” band!

2) Amy Winehouse

Amy, Amy, Amy! The last time I fell in love, it was with Amy’s voice. If there was an album of her singing the phone book, I’d buy it. She is indeed my favorite singer.

Lyrically, she’s amazing. However, most of her songs have sullen or melancholy themes. Amy usually wrote about whatever was going on in her life at the time.

Her delivery and the musicianship on any one of her songs is so vibrant that I can’t help but feel good. Who could possibly feel down when Amy is playing?

3) Prince

HE’S PRINCE! Do I need to say more? #HisRoyalBadness

4) Earth Wind & Fire

Play any Earth Wind & Fire album, and you’re instantly reminded of happier times. They are lyrically uplifting and without doubt, one of the baddest bands in the land!

5) D’Angelo

He’s a musician’s, musician. Much like his idol, Prince, D’Angelo is a perfectionist who has no desire to sound like everyone else–he’s a musical revolutionary.

Voodoo” is my favorite album of all times, but all of D’s music is relaxing and laid back. In fact, it’s so laid back that it’s very easy to forget about what is going on around you when it’s playing.

6) Stevie Wonder

Stevie is pleasing to the endorphins. His music always sounds like “home“– wherever home may be.

Besides being a hell of a singer and musician, his music is down to earth and relatable. That is why he will always be on my list of favorites. He is the definition of “feel good music“. Everyone loves Stevie!

7) Marvin Gaye

A smooth voice and smooth grooves to kick back and chillax to. For such a troubled man (pardon my pun), his music can put anyone into a good mood. And speaking of trouble man, Marvin performed some awesome instrumentals on the Trouble Man soundtrack.

8) Erykah Badu

The big sister that I’ve always wanted.

Ms. Badu makes me think deeper. It sometimes takes a while to fully understand the meanings of some of her lyrics (people often claim that they do, but they don’t). The lessons, the stories, and the voice makes it worth the mind power used to figure out what she’s saying. Erykah drops knowledge in every bar.

9) Steely Dan

Their music was designed to put its listeners in a mellow mood (according to Donald Fagan, lead singer and cofounder). Some of their lyrics are kind of sordid, but they are smooth in the way that they deliver them. Musically, they’re addictive. Over the years, the band has included some very impressive personnel, such as: bassist, Chuck Rainey, and keyboardist/singer, Michael McDonald (The Doobie Brothers).

10) Esperanza Spalding

If you don’t know about Esperanza, go to your favorite music streaming service and check her out–you won’t be disappointed. Start with “Ponta de Areia” and then “Precious“. Be prepared to become hooked on the lady bassist with the big Afro.

Enjoy Your Weekend Your Way!

I’m going to spend my weekend with those characters, and probably a few more. However you decide to spend your weekend, enjoy it and do something that makes you feel good!

“Music doesn’t lie. If there is something that can be changed in this world, then it can only happen with music.”

~Jimi Hendrix

Positivity VS Happiness — Are They One And The Same?

Accepting Positivity And Happiness As Separate Entities

While scrolling Instagram a few days ago, I ran across the meme posted above, and it really hit home for me. “Staying positive doesn’t mean that you have to be happy all the time“. Well, that’s a relief. If being positive meant always being happy, then I’ve failed so miserably that there’s really no reason to ever try again.

The word positive is so often misused that people tend to think that the words “positive” and “happy” are one and the same.

Positive is defined as: a good, affirmative, or constructive quality or attribute.

Whereas happy is defined as: feeling and showing pleasure or contentment.

So by definition, although one can influence or be the result of the other, the two do not have to coexist.

There are people who are capable of being happy about negative things. And on the other hand, there are also people who are able to maintain a positive mindset, even though they are not happy.

Humans Have Bad Days– And You’re Very Human

I’ve had plenty of bad days where it seemed that everything went terribly wrong. Even though I’d try to keep a positive attitude through it all, the bottom line is that I’m human, and at some point I’d have to call it a day (a day that was either a total waste or a total disaster). This is usually the part where friends and loved ones enter to remind me to keep a positive attitude, as if I never thought of that. Really, they only say that because they feel that they should say something; they just don’t know what.

It’s okay to have a bad day. It’s even okay to become upset sometimes. Every 24 hours, we get a chance to hit “reset“. No, our problems and situations most likely will not go away overnight, but as long as we continue to wake up, we have an opportunity to make it right, learn from yesterday, feel better, and perhaps, help someone else. Knowing that we have the power to make changes is what positivity is, and it can lead to happiness and peace.

Things Will Work Out, They Always Do

My mother used to say “Things will work out; they always do“, and that is very true, if we are doing the work, making wise decisions, and not repeating the the same mistakes and expecting different results (insanity). Those acts alone require a positive attitude. You would not make those changes or do the work if you do not believe that things will work out in your favor.

Keeping a positive attitude, even on bad days, can ensure happier tomorrows; however, there is really no reason to force the two to coexist all of the time–that’s not realistic. Both attributes are strong enough to survive independently.

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence”

~Helen Keller

Taking Care of Your “Right Now’s”

Allowing Yourself To Be Vulnerable

In my quest for some level of mental stability, I sometimes find myself quite angry, which usually leads to sadness. This is no good because I really do work hard to stay in the good vibes zone, but how can I stay in the zone when I have trouble finding it?

The fact that I know that such a place exists and that I own and control it helps. However, on occasions, my mind overpowers my soul, and I have trouble finding balance. The first step in resolving any problem is identifying the issue and its components, so when recently I began to feel myself slipping into despair, I immediately checked myself.

Nothing new has happened. So what is wrong with you? Why are you upset?

Self Assessment

I’m sure that I overstate the importance of self assessment in my blogs, and I am a woman of my word. I perform self evaluations regularly. Sometimes, while evaluating myself, I have bouts of nostalgia and words or events from the past present themselves. Many times, this leads me to the answers that I seek. There are also times when these strolls down memory lane are more damning than productive.

Back Down Memory Lane…

With music playing in the background, I placed my head in my hands and began to question myself as to where these feelings could be coming from, and what, if anything, are the triggers. If I can figure that out, I can possibly create new triggers that would help to keep me in the good vibes zone. I closed my eyes and thought about it long and hard.

Recently, I have been cleaning my life out– especially after being diagnosed with BPD. I have eliminated some people from my life and minimized the roles of some people and activities. Although this was done as an attempt to free myself of dead weight (and that has been the positive result), it also left me with a lot of free space in my life, which introduced me to an emotion that I had never in my life experienced: loneliness. While I have plenty of things to do, I have little or no interactions with other human beings. All of my life, there have always been more people around than I wanted. Now that no one is around, it kind of hurts. I hate to admit it, but I kind of miss it.

I live in a town that I really don’t like. I don’t know anyone here, nor do I want to know anyone. From what I’ve seen thus far, I’m not missing out on much by not being socially active in Clarksville. Apparently, I had become dependent upon the very people that I had to sever ties with. However, I don’t regret severing those ties as those relationships were no longer productive–in fact, they were holding me back, mentally. As I evolve, I require more, and I don’t feel bad about that. I also have no intentions of reviving those relationships. This is just an uncomfortable part of the process. It will pass.

That Can’t Be All…

I’ve accepted that I am lonely but too stubborn to go for the quick fix. Okay, that’s good! I’ve got a standard and I’ll accept nothing less than what or who makes me genuinely happy. Since up until now, I would usually settle for close enough, this is actually reassuring. I can work with that. Being alone explains the sadness, but why do I become so angry?

By now, my head is flat on my desk and Aretha is singing about “the deepness of your eyes“, while I come to some serious realizations.

I’m pissed. Why?

I’m pissed that I’ve been a fad in the lives of people that I’ve loved. I’ve been shown that I am replaceable– used and tossed away like a Kleenex. I’m pissed that people are so stupid that that they’d toss away someone who would support all of their efforts, but none of their bullshit. That’s the kind of friend that I’ve always been to people and the kind of friend that I’ve always valued. To this day, I’ve got three friends who have always been that for me–two of which I have known since high school. We don’t talk everyday but I know that they have my back, but they will also kick my ass if necessary. Those feelings and actions are mutual from me to them as well.

As I continued to assess myself, I learned that I am angry about a plethora of other things :

I’m angry with my youngest son for bringing me grief and having a cavalier attitude about it. I’m mad at entire neighborhoods in my hometown for making me feel as though I did not belong just because I was different. I’m mad at some of those same people to this day for acting as if none of that ever happened. I’m mad at several relatives for being two faced, bitter, miserable, and perhaps, jealous bitches–who never really had my back, and in fact, caused and/or perpetuated many problems for me. I’m angry at anyone who has ever looked at me wrong or insultingly called me crazy. I have hatred for a conformist society that makes it difficult for people who are cut from a different cloth, but are not causing harm to anyone or anything. I have disdain for the Black church for perpetuating such ideas in the name of God. I am violently angry with my mother for dying. But most of all, I am not at all pleased or impressed with God, who despite my kicking, begging, and pleading, continues to awaken me morning after morning, sometimes after very little sleep–just to repeat the same stupid process. That’s not merciful, that’s sadistic!

Then the song changed and Donny Hathaway’s “Lord Help Me” began to play. I love music, but it can be pretty sarcastic sometimes. As the song played, I began to cry. Usually, when I feel myself tearing up, I’ll get up and move around, or hit something, or hit myself (anything to stop the tears), but this time, I allowed myself to cry.

While sobbing, I thought back to a few years ago when I googled “how to disappear without a trace“. I was pretty sure that I could do it; it had been done plenty of times before. Before I could give that idea any serious thought, the words of one of my high school friends came to me:

“B, you’re regal. Queens don’t carry bags, walk through back doors, or run away”

Damn… Can’t Even Run Away

There’s no need to runaway because I have identified my problems and their components; now I can work on the resolution. I’ve identified that I am lonely, hung up on some events from the past, and that people suck and sometimes they die. But, I’m still here!

I needed to take a break from it all. I needed to meditate, breathe, reconnect, get tuned in. It took a while, but I was eventually able to slow myself down enough to ask myself an important question: what’s next?

What’s Next?

James Brown’s “It’s A New Day” started to play. By now I am certain that the universe has taken control of iTunes and is now directing my thoughts. I couldn’t deny that it was true, it really was a new day, and I needed to make some pretty quick decisions. I could allow the past to have access to my emotions and control of my actions, or I could do something about it. It was time to compartmentalize these issues, fix what is repairable, and create a defense mechanism for dealing with things that cannot be changed.

I made a list of people that have treated me badly over the years, and from that list, I decided who needs to be addressed and how I would address them–by phone or in writing. Apprehensive of their responses, I almost decided against moving forward with this idea. There’s really no reason to be concerned with their responses, because this is something that I have to do for my own peace of mind, and nothing could possibly be more important than that. If they choose to respond, cool. Either way, it would be up to me as to whether or not I would continue the dialogue.

I had already decided to accept loneliness right now, as it is obviously imperative to my evolution. The universe will provide the right people at the right time. As for now, I’ve got to be strong and steadfast. Since I am free of distraction, I have plenty of time to build a plan that will accomplish my dream, so YAYYY LONELINESS!

Mourning My Mother

As for my mother, I didn’t deal with her death appropriately when she left. I’ve been holding my feelings about that back for 20 years, and now it has manifested itself as anger. Of course I know that she would never have chosen to leave; she loved life. My mother didn’t have any sons, so I know she would have loved and been proud of my boys (even that youngest one) as well as her “twin” granddaughter. I’ve got to allow myself to mourn her and not think of that mourning as weakness. Allowing myself to be vulnerable could actually make me stronger. I’ve always had a problem with vulnerability, so allowing myself to grieve just might be a giant step in the right direction.

Single handedly, I cannot control society and its views of how people or things should be. However, more importantly, I cannot allow that dichotomy to change me. I’ve been “different” all of my life, and I really wouldn’t have it any other way–even with knowing that it has caused people to say hurtful things and treat me unfavorably. Actually, I feel sorry for those who are too closed minded to accept diversity, too afraid to be themselves, and are happy to be slaves to society. I also feel sorry for those who found me replaceable and/or tossed me away. It’s their loss because I’m precious and rare, like Black Opal.

There are plenty of reasons why God continues to awaken His people. Some people have yet to realize their potential and He is giving them every opportunity to successfully complete their missions. Then there are people who have not suffered enough for the evil that they have inflicted (that’s just my opinion). I believe that there is a Divine plan for me and that He is confident that I’m going to get it right. Therefore, life is not a punishment, it’s a gift, but I have to start treating it as such.

Why Am I Sharing This With You?

I’ve always been proud of my ability to stay in the moment. Two of my many mantras are, “There is only now” and “Take care of all of your ‘right now’s’ and all of your ‘tomorrow’s’ will be fine“. All of that time, I was not taking care of my “right now’s”. In fact, I had allowed them to build up so much that it’s going to take time to deal with and get past many of them.

So many times we mistake “Eff it” for actually dealing with an issue, and before long, it seems that the problem is dead. Then we find ourselves giving life to said issues because they were never really resolved; we only “Eff’d it“. “Eff what they said“, “Eff what they did“, “Eff all of it“. That’s not the factory installed defense mechanism for human problems. We are designed to respond to pain. Contrary to popular thought, ignoring things do not make them go away. Whenever your mind or body is trying to tell you something, listen and respond appropriately. Time does not heal all wounds. Sometimes it only covers old wounds with new wounds–each one worse than the last, until we reach our breaking point. I’m learning to allow myself to feel whatever I’m feeling, whenever I’m feeling it. No more being tough, cool, or macho (yeah, I can be kinda macho at times). It’s a major adjustment for me, but I believe that it will pay off for me in the long run.

Allowing ourselves the freedom of vulnerability is essential to our evolution.

Oh, by the way, in case you’re wondering what’s playing now; it’s Roy Ayers, Searching.

Isn’t the universe amazing?

“Our great human adventure is the evolution of consciousness. We are in this life to enlarge the soul, liberate the spirit, and light up the brain.”

~ Tom Robbins

Darkness, Static, & Light

Staying In The Game

The day that I learned about the particulars of Borderline Personality Disorder was one of the hardest days that I’ve had to endure thus far. The first thing that came to mind was:

Most likely, I once had a chance at being great at something. Everything that I have done, been through, or dealt with was not necessarily the result of bad decisions alone. All of this time, I’ve had a friggen chemical imbalance? Maybe I should have told someone that I needed help… OH WAIT! I did tell someone, about 30 years ago, but I wasn’t taken seriously. Well now, what will I do with this new/NOT NEW information? I know what I’ll do, I’ll hate the rest of the world. I’ll stop talking. I’ll stop caring about anyone or anything. Let’s see… I’m 43 years old now, depending on who you ask, that’s middle age. By that rationale, I’ve got 43 more years on this planet to live a completely mentally unstable life. If that is the universe’s plan, the universe is a sick, twisted, and sadistic bitch! In my silence, I’ll just try to find a painless way of shortening that!”

It All Makes Sense Now…

I thought about all of my past relationships–romantic or otherwise, and how I’d rush into someone’s life full speed ahead, only to become tired of that person and exit with the same urgency. I had the same consistency with jobs. I’d be excited about a new position for maybe the first six months to a year, after that I was no longer motivated; not even by money.

Every romantic relationship that I have ever been in should never have happened. They were all wrong for me, and I was wrong for them. Those relationships only came into fruition because I thought I needed someone, or because society said that I was supposed to have someone. Three kids and a failed marriage was the result of those false needs.

Getting tired of the kids and giving up on them was never an option; but I’d be lying if I said I never thought about it, even today. I never left. I stayed and did the best that I could. My motivation was that we were all that we had. I find solace in knowing that I’ve at least been consistent in one area of my life.

I graduated high school on time, but barely. I was in and out of college for years; I was always on the Deans or Presidents List, yet I never earned a degree. I’m sure that I have hundreds of college credits. Staying focused on anything was always extremely hard for me. For years, I’ve beaten myself up for this.

Self medicating with alcohol and sex–lots of both, mismanaging money, unstable relationships, choosing the wrong people, always worrying that I’d be left all alone, a DUI, bad decisions and more. What I learned from all of this was to be tough, so I trained myself not to care. Since I was always worried that people would leave as soon as I showed them that I had invested feelings in them, I’d make sure that I left first–even if only emotionally. I trained myself not to need anyone, even if I needed someone. Instead, I’d always choose to suffer alone since people couldn’t be trusted.

Speaking of people–people enjoyed my back and forth lifestyle; it provided them with much to talk about. “Brandi is lazy“, “She can’t keep a job“, “She’s not doing anything with her life“, “A damned shame...”. Out of those same mouths came scriptures and prayers and declarations of being “Blessed and highly favored“. Now, I had to question whether or not I could trust God, because his so-called “people” could kiss my ass. Not knowing if I was a Christian, an agnostic, or an atheist, I eventually chose what would be called spirituality–but I really don’t care for labels. All I knew was that I never wanted to be “blessed and highly favored” if it meant hypocrisy.

Even though I know that I am different, and I love that I am different; I’ve never enjoyed being treated differently by the ostentatiously cool. I tried to fit in at one time, until I realized that I was lying to myself. Through it all, I’ve always been honest with myself–case in point: I knew that something was wrong with me.

Diagnosed with a battery of conditions–most of which made no sense at all, I went from therapist to psychiatrist to psychologist and on and off different medications–all to no avail. And on THIS DAY, I find out that ALL OF THIS WAS TOTALLY AVOIDABLE! Basically, my whole life up to this point has been bullshit.

Unqualified Opinions

Everyone in my life had been counselors with nary a credential in any form of psychology–but they all had masters degrees in Dr. Phil, Oprah, and to illustrate the length of time that I’ve been dealing with this, even Phil Donahue! If not one of those icons of sixty minute solutions, they’d try to counsel me with their own common sense and logic of things that they had absolutely no experience in. I’d console myself by thinking, “common sense is for common folks–I ain’t common” or “oh well, you’ll continue to age in logic. I’ll continue to not age and stay crazy and cute“. I believed that this was all I had! It seemed as if this was all that I was supposed to be.

I spent several days in silence while pondering all of this. It did nothing to raise my mindset, but it did everything to progress my feelings of hopelessness and desolation. In a matter of days, I had shut myself off from the world and decided to accept being alone and perhaps, silent–forever. I didn’t want anyone else to have to endure me.

Knowing that this problem has a name and is treatable made me feel worse, because it had the same name and was just as treatable 30 years ago when I first said the words, “There is something wrong with me. I can’t turn my mind off“. When I was snatching handfuls of hair from my own head and coloring and reading dictionaries to occupy my mind–this condition had the same name and was just as treatable; if only I had been taken seriously.

Then Anger Commenced…

One would think that this new revelation would fill me with hope for future revolutions. My kids are not babies anymore; they don’t need me as much as they used to. I could fix this issue, and my future chapters could be great. I’d have a second chance. I couldn’t see any of that because I was fixated on the time that I had lost; the bad decisions, and so on, and how they were all completely avoidable. I was pissed! I felt hatred for people.

My downward spirals and side steps were not calculated, but I was confident that that many people enjoyed the show. Pissed and embarrassed, I wanted to give up. Just as I had become accustomed to, I could not turn my mind off. I could not redirect my thoughts. Caught up in my own static, I was replaying the same events in my mind repeatedly until I became so irate that I was trembling.

Revelation

One morning while meditating and trying desperately to slow myself down, the universe showed me one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite TV shows, “Six Feet Under

“…everything in the world is like transmission making its way across the dark. But everything–death, life, everything–its all completely suffused with static, you know? But if you listen to the static too much, it fucks you up”

~Nate Fisher, “Six Feet Under”

That’s exactly what I was doing! I was listening to all of the static and it was indeed effing me up. I had to break from that because just like Borderline Personality Disorder, melancholia and self pity are not my nature. I might go there now and then, but I can’t stay there.

Everything was still very true; I had lost a lot of time and made some terrible judgements that could have been avoided with the right treatment. Had I gotten that treatment and support, my life might have been different–but that doesn’t necessarily mean that it would have been better. I believe that it would have, but that’s only a notion. With my head a little more clear, I was able to see what was gained during that time; I had 3 great kids, I’d seen things, gone places, and I learned things. Because of what I experienced and learned, I’m able to help other people–and I feel good about that. Age plus experience doesn’t necessarily equal wisdom unless you’re smart enough to learn from said experiences, so I’m grateful for the wisdom; but I was still pretty pissed…

I reached out to a high school classmate who’d recently had a similar revelation which required him to make some life changing decisions. When I spoke to him, I made it very clear that if, (and it was a BIG IF) I decided to take the necessary steps needed to treat this condition, it would be most important that I not lose the core of who I am. I could not imagine feeling better as one of the crowd or as a zombie. I will protect my natural spirit at all costs–even if it meant accepting the monster that I had become used to. His exact words were, “No matter what happens, you will always be a different/crazy mfer. Nothing will ever change that!” He went on to tell me that if I consistently follow the program that my doctors arrange for me, and WANT to get better, I’d be surprised at how much my quality of life will improve. My friend had the same apprehensions and fears that I had at first, and he’s doing a lot better now. “You’ll write books after you get your head right!”, he said. Not only is this someone that I trust, but he’s been through it. He’d known about the stigma and stereotypes surrounding mental health issues, especially in the Black community, but he had made a decision at age 43 to do something about it. If one of my best friends from back in the day is strong enough to fight, so am I! And if I should ever feel that I don’t have the strength to fight, I’ll borrow strength from him.

Still In The Game

As of now, I am in the baby stages of controlling Borderline Personality Disorder; researching the condition, and learning more about myself. My therapist and I meet once a week and I am doing mind exercises. I really, really, dislike the mind exercises–but it’s a part of the treatment. No one ever said that it would be easy. I’m optimistic and excited about feeling better and living a more stable life. I’ve surrendered to the universe and I trust my doctors (until they show me that I shouldn’t. Lol! That’s the BPD talking. Or is it…😉).

Whenever a loved one comes to you and tells you that they have a problem, take them seriously. Don’t play therapist or pretend to understand things that you’ve never experienced. Novice attempts at therapy can prove to be dangerous and or life shattering. No one can force anyone to want help, but when you notice changes in people that are outside of the norm or if they tell you that they are not well, help them help themselves. Your support and compassion could change someone’s life.

The universe likes to boss us around sometimes, when it does, question it before you fight it. Actually, you really should not question it–just go with it (but if you’re Socratic like me, you’ll question it). Very likely, it’s trying to show you that an important change is necessary. It’s also likely that the change will be uncomfortable at first, but better for you in the long run. I’ve got a lot to readjust to, but this is a part of my evolution. Everything that I went through was for reasons. Some reasons I understand, while I am completely oblivious to others. However, I am convinced that the right help and the right people came at the right time. I’m still in the game, despite my best efforts. Stay tuned for more awesomeness!

Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.”
~Nido Qubein

Returning To The Good Vibes Zone

A Short Story About Brandi Badd Ass

A while back, I was having trouble staying in balance. Suddenly, I started losing weight. I wasn’t trying to, and I had been eating as much as I usually do. Within a few weeks I had lost nearly twenty pounds; I was barely 100 pounds. I would also become very easily agitated and it became increasingly difficult for me to concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds at a time. When speaking, I would repeat myself unknowingly. People that I would talk to would tell me that I had repeated myself, and it was very embarrassing for me. I was always sore and my vision was blurred. My energy had decreased and it was difficult to get out of bed each morning. As days would pass, my condition worsened. I hated mirrors; I hated my clothes because most of them didn’t fit anymore. I hated the whole situation, and I couldn’t understand what was going on with me and why it was happening. I refused to accept the possibility that I might be sick because I’m a fighter; I don’t get sick. Besides, I can’t stand doctors.

Before all of this happened, I was doing fine. My days were broken down into a series of routines which were written on dry erase boards on the walls of my bedroom. I followed these routines meticulously everyday. Each day I would meditate for 20 minutes before doing anything else. No TV, social media, coffee, or food until 20 minutes of meditation was completed. Some days I would go to the park and meditate by the river, but most days I did it at home. Next, I’d go walk or run a few miles–nothing major, then I’d come home and say goodbye to my sons as the left for school. Then I’d eat and have no more than 2 cups of coffee while watching TV or looking at social media, study my vision boards to check my progress and make plans to further that progress, then I’d start my job. I would repeat this routine in the evening after work, sans the exercise. I always felt great after completing these routines. It gave me time to think and plan and I was able to work a lot of things out. Nothing was ever urgent and even in stressful situations, I was able to remain cool.

Gradually, I started to minimize steps in the routines. Some days I wouldn’t exercise; some days I’d stay in bed and watch TV for an hour before meditating. I’d stop everything to talk to anyone who was trying to communicate with me, and eventually, I had stopped doing any of it. I felt horrible that I had broken a routine that was working so well for me, but I was feeling so weighted at the time that I could not resume it–even though it was written on my wall positioned so it was the first thing that I’d see upon opening my eyes each morning. I kept telling myself that I was “just taking a break” and that I’d “get back to it when I’m ready“.

Had I become lazy?” I asked myself, even though I knew that was impossible. I can be called a lot of things, and a lot of those things could be true, but lazy is not one of them. My problem has always been that I have more energy and ambition than I have things to do, so laziness was out of the question. Maybe I had become bored with the routine, as I tend to do. Perhaps, I could have rearranged it or substituted some of the steps in the process for other things. Whatever the reason was, I clearly no longer desired doing any of it anymore. I felt as if there was a Baby Grand piano strapped to my back, and I almost always had a headache.

Since I had stopped giving time to myself, for the benefit of my own progress, I had plenty of time for everyone else. I was spending more time on the phone and social media–hearing and reading unpleasant things. I was spending too much time on bullshit and listening to people who make conscious decisions to be unhappy. This was draining, and I knew it, but I allowed it.

Trying to sleep at night was the worst! When a person suddenly loses substantial weight, it’s difficult to find a comfortable position to lay in. I’m used to sleeping on my side and now this was very uncomfortable–so I tossed, turned, and awakened frequently. Lack of rest made doing my job unbearable. I was attitudinal and very impatient with my customers. My attitude was, “I don’t feel well and I don’t care about what you need”. That attitude guaranteed that everyday was excruciatingly long.

ENTER AFROLOGIK

I had been toying around with the idea of starting a new blog or a podcast for about a year. I’d start planning and then abandon the idea. One day, the name “Afrologik” came to me. I liked how it sounded and felt, so I started hashtagging it. After seeing it, I liked how it looked. At this time, I hadn’t yet decided to write a blog, but I kept hashtagging it because I knew that I could eventually do something with such a cool name. In the interim, I still had not returned to performing my daily routines, my attitude had not changed, I still felt sick, I hadn’t gained any weight, and I was still wasting my time with people who were siphoning away what was left of my spirit.

One day a friend told me that I am a pretty good writer. This meshed with what was going on in my head as far as using the name “Afrologik” and that I had thought about starting a new blog. With that encouragement, I decided to give myself a nudge. Since I was already familiar with WordPress, I did some research, viewed some blogs, and ultimately chose a plan and purchased a domain name. I was off to a good start. Now I needed to get busy building the site and writing.

People Can Be Anchors

With a domain name, a WordPress site paid up for a year, and encouragement from someone that I trusted, one would think that I had all of motivation that I could possibly need, right? Well, obviously, it wasn’t, because my behavior hadn’t changed at all. I had the name and the site, but I hadn’t written a word. However, I was still allowing the same people to bombard me with their lives to the point where I was adopting their issues as my own. I felt as though large anchors were chained to my ankles preventing me from moving forward.

I could not move, but I could sit. So, one day, I opened a notebook and begun to write. The more I wrote, the more inspired I became. From this, a new routine was formed. Regardless of what I’d have to do on any given day, I’d have to find time to write. It didn’t matter what I wrote about as long as I wrote for an unspecified amount of time each day. I became so excited by this new habit that it was all I could talk about. And when those ridiculous “anchors” would call on me to intrude upon my day with mindless nonsense, I’d immediately redirect the conversation to Afrologik and how much I was enjoying writing. Even during this change, I was still underweight, sore, my vision was still blurry, and I was still crabby–but I was having less headaches.

I became reacquainted with a friend from middle school on Facebook. While chatting with him on Messenger one day, I told him what I had been doing and asked him if he would mind editing for me. He agreed and shortly thereafter, “Welcome To Afrologik” was written and published, followed immediately by “12 Steps To Staying Youthful“. Both articles received great responses and people started to follow my blog. This was intriguing as well as reassuring. Soon, everything in sight became an idea for a blog. I was happier, but my mental and health status was still unstable.

I started seeing a therapist, because I needed help in creating a plan to regain some level of mental stability. I believed that if I could just “get my head right“, the health issue would also be resolved. My therapist is awesome, and I’m not just saying that because she’ll probably read this (LOL!). The first two meetings consisted of me crying hysterically and telling her that “no matter what I do, I end up feeling like this!“. Talking to her once a week and doing the homework that she assigned helped me feel better–for a while, but my behavior still hadn’t changed. I was still wearing those anchors.

That’s What Friends Are For

With Afrologik off to what I considered to be a decent start and receiving good feedback, I noticed that the anchors hadn’t visited the site, but I was still being a sounding board for their ridiculousness. When I spoke to one of them about this, I was told that although they will offer moral support, they would not follow my blog for reasons that are so fantastically stupid that I refuse to insult my keyboard by typing them. Another anchor posted part of the “12 Steps…” on Facebook as their own. What AWESOME friends I have, right? LOL!

Emerging From The Water- A Brand New Day

Days later, while listening to more of the same nonsensical excerpts of the lives and times of anchors via video message, I had finally heard enough. I stopped the message– probably in the middle–and decided to go take a shower. After I showered I wrapped myself in a towel, stepped out of the bathtub, and walked over to my vanity. As I reached for a bottle of lotion, the towel fell from me. I saw myself in the mirror at 105 pounds, and I did all that I could to keep from crying. I said out loud to my reflection, “You cannot lose ANYMORE weight! What you need to lose are PEOPLE! Lose some people weight! You know that it’s time for some people to GO!”

Our AWESOME Universe

I have not yet decided if the universe was waiting for me to say those words, or if what happened next was all happenstance. I’d like to believe that the universe wanted me to make the realization on my own before it would take action.

One of my anchors contacted me to tell me that our “friendship” was over without giving much of a reason. This was the best news that I could have gotten because I had already decided to bring communication to a screeching halt without any explanation. I really didn’t care how it happened, as long as it happened! In fact, that’s exactly what I did with the other anchor. Just like that, it was all over and neither party would ever have to endure the other again. Harmony!

That night, I lit a candle, filled the bathtub with water–as hot as I could stand–and poured some sea salt and lavender oil into it. With some old school Roy Ayers playing in the background, I laid back in the water until only my face was not underwater (because you know, I still had to breathe). As sweat beads formed on my forehead, I imagined that I was releasing all of the toxins that I had endured and that I would emerge from that water brand new, and that’s exactly what happened. I had returned to my good vibes zone.

The next morning, I resumed my original daily routine, as written on my dry erase boards, and added power writing each night. Within two weeks, I gained seven pounds and my vision was no longer blurry. I’m still working toward my usual weight, which is 125 pounds, but I’m no longer losing weight. I still see my therapist every week, sometimes every two weeks. And guess what? My life isn’t perfect! I have personal ups and downs; I have bad days at work; I still make myself available for my children and my friends, and when they are not happy, it weighs on me. I don’t mind, because they carry my weight at times as well. Balance.

The intended purpose of this story is that having the wrong people in your life can affect you mentally as well as physically. Anyone who does not celebrate you in your victories, support you in your efforts, or tries to attach themselves to the things that you’ve worked hard on, does not belong in your life. The anchors that were in my life are not bad people at all; we just no longer fit into each other’s lives. We weren’t feeding each other anymore. When you discontinue to feed any living thing, it dies. Those relationships were once alive and vibrant, and I will always cherish what they were at one time. Towards the end, the kinship was already dead; it just hadn’t been buried yet. As soon as they were given a proper burial, my health improved. I hope that their lives improved also.

Sometimes we have to sacrifice people and things; this enables us to grow, and it creates space for new people and new things that will carry us onto further greatness. It’s important to be smart enough to recognize what or who is hindering us, and strong enough to walk away. Change can be difficult at first. For instance, after those deletions were made, I had no one to talk to, as most of the people in my life are extremely busy. That turned out to be a good thing, because it encouraged me to become extremely busy–working on myself.

It’s all a part of the process of life. Trust the process and believe that you can take flight. But, you will never leave the ground, if you have anchors chained to your ankles.

“When you wake up, each day looks the same, so each day should be a new beginning”

~Prince

Jealousy: A Useful Tool

Making Your Own Envy Work For You

The mirror can be a far more deadly weapon than a gun or a knife. It can be dangerous because it not only shows us who we are, but also, who we are not. A lot of times our own mirror images does not add up to who we believe ourselves to be, and that can be a very hard pill to swallow.

Nowadays, we are constantly being shown images of the way things are “supposed to be”. Media gives us much to compare ourselves to. Images of happy couples, happy people, pretty faces, gorgeous bodies, awesome vacations, self sufficiency, fantastic careers, and so on. If we let it, it can become a major bummer. Very easily these images can leave us with a feeling of “I’m never going to have that”, which leads to despair. Although it’s hard to admit, even to oneself, we become jealous of what we see, without even knowing how real these effigies are, what these people had to go through, or what they had to sacrifice to achieve their current status. Perhaps it was more than we are willing to endure.

Although jealousy has stigma attached to it and we are not supposed to feel envy towards anyone, if you think about it, it’s a useful emotion as long is it does not become malicious. I’ll admit that I’ve fallen victim to becoming temporarily envious of images and ideas. I mean, is it really hard to digest the fact that most of us want greener grass? As a lover of nature and horticulture, I understand that greener grass does not just happen, it takes a lot of time, work, and care. I’ve also been on the receiving end of jealousy and lost friends.

WYSIWYG… Really?

Flip Wilson made the phraseWhat You See Is What You Getpopular in the 1970’s with his character “Geraldine“. In reality, what you see is not necessarily what you get. In 2018, we have social media and many times what you see is merely what they want you to see. What you get is up to how you perceive it. I’m active on social media but I rarely (if ever) share my lowest points. Instead, I simply take a hiatus and keep my personal problems personal. So even in the case of myself, what you see is only what you see.

I’ve seen gratuitous posts and thought, “Wow! It must be nice to be so appreciated“. I’ve seen happy couples and thought, “That’s beautiful. I hope to have that someday“. Even though I may feel the slight sting of envy, I never let it bring me down; instead, it gives me hope. Knowing that these things actually exist in real life and not only in my mind means that they are possible for me as well. Although I might be temporarily envious, there is no malice. I never discount the happiness of others. I am genuinely inspired by their success and excited about finding my own and becoming an inspiration for someone else.

Help me to inspire those that need inspiration/ Let my life be a sign of a coming generation”

~Donny Hathaway

Why Not Just Ask

Happy and successful people are usually elated to talk about the journey to their present status. When you encounter people who live the lifestyle that you are seeking, ask them how they did it. You could be closer to your goal than you think, or conversely, you might learn that you are not willing to stomach what they experienced to reach their standing, and that’s okay too. Go back to the drawing board and devise a new plan or improve upon their course.

If You Want It –GIVE IT!

Being appreciated for the things that we do for one another, regardless of the size of the deed is an amazing feeling, but not every deed is recognized. The most efficient way to prevent feeling under appreciated is to never do things with the expectation of gratitude. Only do what is in your heart, without regard to a reaction. However, if you seek gratitude and recognition, GIVE IT! I’ve got several friends who are working on personal projects–music, literature, art, and some have personal issues or health problems. I am their biggest cheerleader. I’m always happy to share their work to help get it noticed, celebrate in their victories, or hold their hands when things aren’t going well. I offer my support without the expectation of rewards and it is usually reciprocated. In fact, a few nights ago a friend contacted me really late as I was dozing off. I was awake enough to receive the text message so I answered it. My friend wanted me to listen to a song that he had recorded, so I sat up and listened to it (it was heavy metal so it was loud and woke me all the way up. I went to sleep about an hour later. Lol!). Give support and you’ll receive support, but never let the lack of reciprocal appreciation stop you from being a giver.

“If you always attach positive emotions to the things you want, and never attach negative emotions to the things you don’t, then that which you desire will most invariably come your way”

~Matt D. Miller

Jealousy is a natural emotion that everyone experiences now and then. It can be harmless, as well as a useful tool when used as an opportunity to learn from the topic of your envy. Yet if you are unable to check your reactions and decisions, it can turn your mirror image against you. Let this emotion motivate you to become better, work on your dreams, and accomplish them. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in it until you become so bitter that you no longer have the positive energy to improve yourself.

You are not great because of what you have, who you are with, or where you have been. Your spirit makes you great! The power to become whomever you want to become resides in you. *note to self*

No Idea’s Original… But C’Mon Man!!!

Giving Your Audience Something To Think About

Building a blog is hard and sometimes disheartening work. I suppose this could be said of any goal that a person sets for themselves. It takes time, hard work, tough skin, strength, endurance, and perchance the hardest of them all– it takes patience, and lots of it! At times it challenges my conviction of how bad I really want Afrologik to become a successful blog. However thus far, I’ve remained fixated on the end result. Whenever I feel discouraged, I imagine myself on the beach in a bikini writing the next Afrologik blog, with the Pacific Ocean as the backdrop. That is going to happen, it’s written in stone–and that’s usually all the encouragement that I need.

I’ve also received good feedback from readers who have told me that my words have helped them with some of their life situations. That is the cardinal purpose of this blog; helping people feel better. So that kind of encouragement and the various “high fives” that I’ve gotten from friends are also the jolt that I need to keep moving forward.

Each day I give my eight hours to “the man” (my nine-to-five job), and then I give the next four to six hours to Afrologik, plus most of every weekend. There have been days when I have written for hours and then decided that “this is garbage” and start over. I never throw anything away because I’ve discovered that when it comes to art, todays trash could be tomorrow’s treasure.

I only write about things that I am personally knowledgeable of and things that I have experienced. My core intent is to make my readers feel confident that they can get through anything that they are going through. In doing that, I share techniques that have worked for me and encourage my readers to look at life from other perspectives– not allowing themselves to become too caught up in the way that things are “supposed to be“.

Nonetheless, not following the “supposed to be” approach to life, and then encouraging others to rage against the machine, so to speak , is not the best way to amass a huge following. In fact, the best way to become popular is to do or say (1) What has already been said 900 times (in the last hour alone) or (2) What ever everyone wants to hear (which is usually (1)). To me, this is counterproductive. If all of these cliches and platitudes are tried and true, why are so many people still looking for answers or just something that makes them feel better? I am not suggesting that Afrologik is the answer, but I hope that it offers an alternate way for people to find answers within themselves.

Cliches & Platitudes — Fortune Cookies Are Deeper

You can’t please everyone

Who can you please?

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”

Sometimes what doesn’t kill you makes you sick.

“Don’t be sad that it happened, be glad that it’s over”

Even death?

Life doesn’t give you more than you can handle

And you are content to merely “handle” things?

I’m not saying that there isn’t any truth to these sayings, but as I demonstrated, they are very easily challenged. However, it is rare that anyone who practices the use of cliches and platitudes ever expand on them or define them in a different context. How many times must the same statements be made? Now that social media is the nucleus of communication, people are changing one or two of the words and reissuing the same statements. Changing the words makes it theirs, but still they are not expanding on the meaning, so essentially, it’s just more of the same.

“No idea’s original, there’s nothing new under the sun. It’s never what you do but how it’s done”

~Nas

I’m amazed when I see hundreds of “likes” and comments on these posts and blogs. Wow! Are there really this many unoriginal people walking the planet? I’ve played the devils advocate a few times by challenging their statements with an alternate viewpoint– which is rarely understood by the author or his or her followers. They can’t even imagine a new take on an old adage. However, this is now what is considered “deep“.

Meanwhile, I have friends who are amazing writers, musicians, artists (painting), and some who may not be into the arts, but are enlightened and have something to say that needs to be heard; but they do not have considerable followings yet, because they refuse to sensationalize themselves. I respect that! One of my friends even made a song about it.

There’s No Price-Tag On My Soul

Cliche topics are easy to write about. I’m confident that I could post a new blog every day if every title included some form of trite phrase. My other creative friends could very easily jump on the bandwagon and enjoy a bit of the hype. But if any of us were to do that, we’d be selling ourselves out. I’m by no means implying that authors of such blogs and social media posts are sellouts, but perhaps a bit shallow.

When you have a platform and a following, you should give your public something to ponder beyond a random “amen” or a thumbs up. Your readers, listeners, or spectators should walk away feeling fulfilled and ready to make changes in their lives and in the world. With your platform you have an opportunity to use your talent to empower and influence your audience. You are selling them out when you do not encourage them to think deeper, question everything, and believe that it’s going to work out (whatever their dilemma may be).

Every subject has a genre and every genre has an audience. It will probably take a while to find your audience; but when you find it, remember that they are there to see you.

Plan “A” Is All That You Need

10 Reasons Why A “Plan B” Isn’t Necessary

Plan B“, “Alternate Strategy”, “Back Up Plans” are all very practical and safe reasonings. After all, we have all been conditioned to think with the logic of the cliche “Plan A is always have a ‘Plan B’”. We all feel much safer knowing that we have several systems in place just in case something goes wrong (as they usually do), right?

The problem with “Back-Up Plans” is that they almost always become lifestyles, careers, and sometime even spouses! Plan B is nothing more than an excuse for allowing ourselves to become lazy or complacent, instead of putting the required work and effort into our original goal, dream, or passion. Sure, it may be a safe and comfortable place to settle; but it might not be very fulfilling to spend the rest of our lives that way.

The alternate plan is not a crutch, it’s a couch. A place to lounge and be comfortable while watching television, reading, or any other form of entertainment that is being provided by people who have worked hard and put in the time and effort to to live their “Plan A”. Sometime you have throw practicality and safety to the wind and take a chance on yourself!

The second that we form a back-up plan, we have decided that our primary plans will fail. If we really think about it, in the time used forming alternate plans we could have been building a stronger process for our primary goals. The questions to ask ourselves are: “How badly do I want this?” and “What am I willing to risk?”. For our goals, our dreams, and for ourselves we should be willing to risk everything!

1 Devise Your Plan A And Put It Into Motion

Take the necessary time to find your goal. Do the research. Go online, talk to other people that are in the field that you are interested in. Make sure that this is the move for you. If you are positive in your heart and mind that this is something that you not only want to do, but was born to do, then there is no need for a Plan B.

2- Work Hard At It Daily

If you already have a full time job, now you have two! This is going to require all of the time and brainpower that you have. I work forty hours per week for someone else’s company. After I’m done with my “job“, I spend the next four to six hours working on my passion–this blog (even though I’d rather eat and then fall asleep while watching Sanford & Son). Why? Because I believe in it. Goals are not accomplished by flukes! You will have to sacrifice some of the things that you enjoy to accomplish your goals, but it will pay off!

3- Decide To Either Sink Or Swim

When you eliminate Plan B, that is exactly what you have decided to do; either sink or swim. But don’t worry! This is the push that is going to lead you to success! When everything depends on it you’ll work harder because you have to.

4- Learn From Your Errors (There Will Be Many)

Don’t be discouraged by mistakes, consider them opportunities for learning. Wisdom is gained through trial and error — so in a way, mistakes are necessary. Take the lesson, fix it, and move on!

5- Put It Out Into The Universe

Self affirmations works! Tell yourself everyday that you are going to succeed. Speak it verbally as well. Create a vision board. Create several if necessary, and place them where you will see them daily. Make a list of all the great things about yourself and read it every chance you get. Soon you will believe that you will succeed at what you are working on. Michael Jackson used this method while recording the “Thriller” album. I think it worked for him…

6- Only Share What You Are Doing With Informed People

This is VERY important! Some friends and even family may not be capable of understanding what you are working toward. Their incapability could very easily knock you off of your square. These are people that you do not need to discuss your dreams and goals with. Discuss your mission with people who are in the field of interest that you are working on and people who are encouraging. And also, be prepared to lose and or limit some relationships. It is most important that you stay positive. Do not waste time on people who are not conducive to positivity and success.

7- Accept No Excuses. Not Even Your Own

Plan B’s are built on excuses. If you are alive, you can do it! Accept nothing except success!

8- Don’t Expect Instant Success

This will likely be a long and winding road, be prepared for that. Stay in the game regardless of how long, hard, and tiring it becomes. During this period of building your goal or niche, you will learn how to keep it and nurture it. This is a very important part of the process. Patience is a must!

9- Accept Constructive Criticism

No one enjoys being criticized, even constructively. When criticisms come to you from informed sources (people in your field/niche) or people who genuinely care about you- listen! You may or may not agree with it, but you should still consider it. There are times when another set of eyes or ears are needed to catch the mistakes that you might have missed. An outside appraisal from people that you respect could also encourage you to work harder.

10- NEVER GIVE UP!

You are strong! You are resilient! You are beautiful! You deserve all the greatness that life has to offer…unless you give up.

It is better to edit, edit, and re-edit Plan A than it is to have a Plan B. Anything that is being built will need adjustments as it is being constructed, so will your process. Make the adjustments, but do not destroy the structure.

There is no need for a Plan B if your Plan A game is strong.