When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

Be Yourself, But Be Accountable

No, I’m sorry; this article will not be about the hilarious Dave Chappelle skits — well, not exactly, but it may resemble the skits, in theory, a little bit.

Yes, I’ve been on a kick, of sorts, trying to convince you that one of the best things that you can do for yourself (if you really want to live a happy life) is: A) let the Universe guide your mind and soul, and follow their lead, and B) don’t be afraid to be who you truly are inside.

I understand that both A and B are not easy to do — especially if it goes against what you are trained to do or believe. However, they are attainable. I know this because I’ve attained them both. The results have been that I don’t worry about things anymore, I am able to stay in the moment, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time. Am I happy with my position in life? Not entirely. I could use a new career and moving from the Dirty South will be heavenly. I am, however, happy to be alive, happy enough to work on my exit strategies, and furthermore, I believe in myself! I still become angry, impatient, and anxious, now and then — but nothing like three months ago. We human beings are works in progress, albeit, we also have human emotions. Nonetheless, overall happiness will make the more difficult emotions last only briefly.

But That’s Not What This Article Is About

Sorry, I got off subject. Now, to get to my main point…

I follow another blogger and YouTube vlogger, named Te-Erika Patterson. She’s inspired me quite a bit, because she’s done things that I am going to do. For example: she just up and moved to Los Angeles, and through all of the ups and downs, she not only made it work, but gave grants to others who had done the same as she did. She has also written books, and she’s a relationship coach. These are all things that I am going to accomplish soon! (Except for being a relationship coach. But I am currently studying to become a life coach amongst other things).

Oops! I got off of the subject again. Sorry for all the segues, but I am really loving life today. When that happens, I become chatty…

So anyway, Te-Erika did a live broadcast on YouTube a few days ago, and I was lucky enough to be available to watch some of it, as well as make comments. One of the things that she said, really stood out to me. I’m paraphrasing, but she said something to the effect of, if you suddenly become the real you, people, friends, and family, will either think that you’ve become a phony, or they’ll think that you have flipped.

That really caught my attention because I’ve been gradually revealing my true self for the last several years. I chose to evolve gradually, because there is so much to learn, as well as so much to unlearn. I didn’t choose to reveal myself in intervals for the sake of others.

In this revelation, that has been taking place for revolutions, I’ve gotten side eyes, blank stares, shaken heads, derogatory comments, inaccurate assumptions, and called unfavorable names. This doesn’t offend me for two reasons: 1) They don’t understand, and obviously, they’re incapable of understanding, and 2) It’s my own fault.

Taking Ownership of Your Sh!t

It was I who chose to “go along to get along” for years. It was my fault that the people in my life became acclimated to the person that they thought I was, but only because I showed them that I was more like them. It’s also my fault that those same people have had difficulty becoming climatized to who, or what, they believe I’ve become — even though it’s really who I’ve always been. I was afraid, before, to show my true self because I didn’t think I would be understood — and that assumption turned out to be more true than false. That misunderstanding is the reason why some people believe that it’s fake, while others believe that I’ve flipped.

“What’s up with her and all of this Universe shit? Planets, meditation, crystals, and energy, and shit — why is she telling us that our pasts and futures, don’t exist? What’s wrong with her? Is she for real? WTFudge is she talking about? Does she even believe in God anymore?”

I’ve heard them all, and I refuse to dignify any of it with a response. I like that there’s a bit of mystery to me (like Prince. Lol!). Anyone who does not understand me, can either read Afrologik (which of course, I prefer), or they can exercise their right to not spend time, or communicate with me. I’d hope that not many would choose the latter (depending of who it is), but if it has to be that way, so be it. My happiness is attached to my freedom to be me — so that’s first and foremost.

Brandi Badd Ass Encourages You!

The truth is that depending on who your true self is, you might be scrutinized, but you should not let that stop you from being the person that you know you are. If freeing your spirit will make you happier and at your best (which it absolutely will. I promise you!), then do it!

Ask yourself the important questions:

Who am I? What do I like? What are my passions? What makes me happy? What happened to me? How do I correct the things that are wrong with me, according to me? What, or who, do I believe in?

You may not be able to answer those questions all at once. It might take days, weeks, or even months. Keep in mind that it took your whole life to become conditioned to be who you’ve become; it’s not reasonable to believe that you can become deconditioned overnight. (In fact, if you are able to accomplish that overnight, perhaps you really are faking it). Take time to get to know, or become reacquainted, with yourself. Take my word for it — it’s worth it! It feels great!

You Want Patience FROM Others, So You Have To BE Patient With Others

I can tell you to expect to be scrutinized and to be who you are in spite of it, all day, everyday, but still, somewhere deep down inside of you, you’ll have a mild expectation of patience from your friends and family — and that’s not terrible. The truth is that your friends and family SHOULD be patient and supportive of the things that make you happy — even if they don’t agree (as long as it’s positive, and no one is getting hurt). Regrettably, that’s not usually how it goes, and because of that, you’ve got to hold yourself accountable. Remember that their expectation of you is your fault. It was your choice to play the game, for whatever reason. Regardless of how gradual your evolution into your true self may be, it’s going to seem abrupt to those who have known you the longest. You’ve got to be patient with them, because it’s also a transition for them. Your circle has to learn and figure out how to become acclimated to, and support the person that you’ve evolved into — if they want to deal with it at all. They’ll consider your transition to be “the new you”, instead of the real you. Your conversation, likes, beliefs, tastes — and in some cases, even the food that you eat, will change. The types of people that you choose to associate with and the places you go will also change. That’s a lot for your loved ones to take in, so give them the time and space that you would appreciate from them.

Stop Faking The Funk!

“Life Ain’t So Bad At All (Allllll), If You Live It Off The Wall!”

~Michael Jackson

You might as well come out of your shell, because I’m just going to keep pushing you. Why? Because, I want you to know how amazing it feels to set your spirit free, evolve, stop living up to the expectations of others, and hang up your hang ups. I want you to dance as if no one is watching — even if everyone is watching (I do it all the time!). If you open your mind, and let it, as well as your soul lead, you’ll find that the air is easier to breathe, the sun shines brighter, the moon is more brilliant, and you’ll be at home with the stars — because you’re a star! You’re a planet. You’re already everything that you’ve ever wanted to be. Just keep it real with yourself, and you’ll see that everything that you’ve dreamed of is not coming true — it’s already there!

“No other version, no matter how perfect it is, would ever feel better than being your true self.” 
~Edmond Mbiaka

PS: Check out my Vlogs on YouTube! New vlogs each Thursday!

Finding Yourself Without Losing Yourself

The Art of Being True To Oneself

One thing that has been consistent over the decades is that people are always on some kind of trip. Be it political, religious, or health (to name a few), we are all on a journey for truth and a better life.

I wouldn’t go so far as to call these concepts fads or trends, because there are many people who are stringent about their beliefs and lifestyle choices. However, for many, they really are fads and trends. Of course, they don’t start out that way. As stated earlier, we are all on a journey; and that usually requires trying many things until we find a process that works for us as individuals. In any case, in the experimentation phase, we are afforded opportunities to expand our minds, learn more about each other–as well as ourselves, and gain a better understanding of the way things are and perhaps, should be. Those are all good things.

On the other hand, belief systems and ideological differences can be quite divisive (especially political and religious differences). Bible thumpers have problems with spiritual people, counter cultures, and alternate lifestyles; Republicans and Democrats hate each other; normal people are envious and afraid of so called weird people (even though they’ll never admit it), traditionalists don’t like hippies. And then there are the really important differences; you know, like: 2pac or Biggie, who won the rap battle between Jay-Z and Nas (Nas won. Ether? C’mon son!), Coke or Pepsi, winter or summer; and everyone has the right answer (in their minds). It’s sometimes all fun and games, but other times, people become offended and it can escalate to violence.

Don’t Get Lost In The Divide

If you know who you are, and you are true to your convictions, there is no reason to feel a need to choose a side or become confrontational. It is possible to stand your ground and still appreciate the perceptions of others. I can love people who are not Prince fans (I probably wouldn’t like them very much, but I could still love them).

You don’t have to be a “social chameleon” to give others the benefit of expressing their opinions. In fact, I can’t stand the term “social chameleon” and I don’t care to be in the company of those who identify themselves as such. Those types of people usually sway with the wind and you never truly get to know who they are. Contrary to popular belief, chameleons do not change their colors to blend in or camouflage themselves for protection–only humans do that. Chameleons change colors to reflect their moods. By that rationale, a true social chameleon would be able to stand their ground even when their opinions are not shared by present company.

Express Your Beliefs Without Being Condescending

Have you ever been the odd person out in a room full of people who have decided to make an attempt at converting you? Maybe it wasn’t a room full, maybe it was only one or two people, or perhaps a family member. I’ve been in that situation, and it isn’t fun. There are people who have given themselves the pseudo importance of being so righteous that they can not only change your life, but improve upon it. That type of person is extremely inflexible and lives in a completely black and white world–no gray. The gray area of life is very important because that it where understanding happens, even if we are in disagreement.

No one has the right to force or shame a person into submission. It’s better to share information, lead by example, and allow others to do their own research and make their own decisions. Whether or not a person shares the same beliefs and opinions should not decide whether or not they are a good person.

Some People And Things Will Have To Go

Currently, people are gravitating to the Keto lifestyle in droves. Some of my friends have lost weight and are now healthier since adopting this lifestyle. I think that is awesome! I had similar success years ago when I adopted the low carb lifestyle. The results of Keto will vary for each individual, as it is contingent upon what each person is willing to give up. This is true with any lifestyle change.

As we evolve and become more conscious, it’s likely that we will no longer be as tolerant of some things as we had formerly been. We might not laugh at the same kinds jokes, go to the same places, or spend time with the same types of people–that’s a component of evolution. We become more attracted to that which elevates us, and better able to identify that which holds us back.

Distancing ourselves from people cannot always be done as abruptly as distancing ourselves from certain foods. People have feelings–food does not. As our tastes and ideals in life change, we should not cop a “holier than thou” , “I’m better than you” attitude to the people around us. Ostracizing those who are not, or no longer aligned with who you are is counterproductive to evolution. We must be tactful in our restraint. Like attracts like, so the universe will send us people who are aligned with our beliefs, and people who will elevate us. The time will eventually come for us to be a beacon for someone else.

Be True To Yourself

Regardless of whether you are certain that you are on the path of your destiny, or experimenting and trying to find your bag; be true to yourself and understanding of others.

One of the greatest things about this planet is that there are so many different kinds of people, cultures, and ideas. There is always something new to see or learn, but we can only make use of that accessibility if our minds are open to the possibilities–which are endless.

If we all make love our “trip“, the rest might be a little easier.

Always remain steadfast on your journey to greatness”

~Avijeet Das