Tough People: Not So Tough

Letting Your Guard Down And Taking Risks

I’m sure that we all have known at least one person in our lives whose heart could not be penetrated. Try as we may, we just couldn’t love them into accepting love. I’m not speaking of romantic love (well, not exclusively romantic love), but all kinds of love — friendships, coworkers, or family. Regardless of how hard we’ve tried, we couldn’t seem to cut past their tough exterior.

Trying to reach the center of these kinds of people can be exhausting, and giving up on them, eventually, is not the most difficult thing to do. It’s very difficult for those who are trying to show compassion only to have it returned with disregard or worse, insult.

I’m Not Only The Tough Guy President, I’m Also A Member

As with all Afrologik articles, I speak from experience. I’ve been guilty of being the person with the impenetrable heart, so I know a cold heart is the result of experiences. When life throws us human beings blows, there are a couple of ways of dealing with it:

1. Learn from it and try to make better decisions, moving forward. Or, accept that every day is not a sunny day, and not all people are pleasant.

Or

2. Promise yourself that it will never happen to you again. Then, build an invisible wall around yourself that prevents anyone or anything from getting close enough to cause you hurt, ever again.

Won’t Make A Fool Out of Me…

For years, I kept an invisible wall around myself. To this day, I will still flip the switch that will erect that wall. My reasons for doing that are most commonly: feeling abandoned, betrayed, and of course, hurt. Another reason is to avert anyone from getting too close to me. I’m afraid of my feelings being mocked or that they won’t be returned. “It’s better to bail than it is to stand there like a fool, waiting for both shoes to drop“, I’d reason to myself. So, I developed an “Eff it. I don’t care” mentality. At first, it was phony, but as time passed, it became very real. Before I had realized, I didn’t care about anything, and very few people. I’d respond to everything with sarcasm, and sometimes, blatant evil. I’ve really hurt the feelings of some people, and turned even more away. “Eff it. Eff them“, I’d say to myself, mentally.

It had gotten so bad that I began to dread human contact. I couldn’t stand for anyone to be in my space, “three feet!“, I’d say to anyone who has gotten too close to me.

*Okay, to be honest, I still have a problem with strangers being too close to me. For this reason, I’m uncomfortable in malls, concerts, or any place that draws a crowd. At stores, I prefer to use self check out.

I wasn’t always that way. Experiences with people, hurt, deception, and the like made me distrust all people. I actually thought this was cool. While everyone else was taking chances on other people, only to fall on their faces, I was fine. I was a statue inside of a velvet rope. I was there to be seen — perhaps admired — but never touched.

“Sadness is for suckers!”

~Papa Fuerte, “The Get Down”

As stoic as I had become, ironically, I couldn’t stop smiling. Even now, naturally, I’m a smiler. Even when I’m thinking “Eff you“, I’m smiling. My aura has always been big and red, yellow, and orange. As much as I tried to be unapproachable, it never happened. It wasn’t natural. Because of that one little thing, people were (are) drawn to me, and I couldn’t do a thing about it, even though I really did not want them there. I was the tough cat. I didn’t need anyone.

Realization

It took several months of pondering for me to realize that I’m not really a “Tough Cat” (as my grandfather used to call me), I was a fraidy cat! I had allowed life and its situations to harden me and scare me so badly that I was afraid to take chances. I thought that if I was to take a risk, I’d risk my sanity. Conversely, living inside of an invisible wall is certainly insane.

Be aware that the tougher a person portrays themselves to be, the more afraid they are. Those who are not afraid to take a chance on love, life, and change, are truly the “Tough Cats”. It takes guts to cry and risk looking foolish. Hurt, as unpleasant as it is, is a sign of life. You have to be alive to feel. Dead people don’t feel anything — not only the physically dead, but also the mentally dead.

Some people are afraid to learn new things, try new things, or understand other cultures, (I thank my lucky stars that this part never happened to me). They stay in their boxes with likeminded people who are not encouraging to their evolution. They’re afraid to challenge the things that they have been conditioned to think and do. It scares them that if they learn more, do more, and accept more, they will no longer fit into the presentation of themselves that they created.

Life is all about taking risks. Sometimes the risks have good results, sometimes they don’t 🤷🏽‍♀️. When they don’t, the lesson is; regroup, recoup, and move forward. The lesson is NEVER to “shut yourself off from the world“. The Universe needs each and every one of us to have open minds so we can receive the greatness that we are entitled to.

There was a reason why while I was in my wall, putting on a tough guy facade, I couldn’t stop smiling. That reason is that, that kind of behavior from me wasn’t cosmically sound. I had made a choice to go against nature and imprison my spirit, however, my spirit was too big — it could not fit inside of that wall. Upon disassembling that wall, people and opportunities started coming to me, and I was open to it all. I’ve been places, and I’ve allowed people into my life. There is much more to come.

“Life Is Good”

~Mitch, “Paid In Full”

I haven’t taken that wall down, completely, but I can now see over it. Maybe one day, I’ll no longer need it. Maybe I’ll always need it, now and then🤷🏽‍♀️. As for now, I can say with honesty, that it’s pretty cool to be free.

“It’s the lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself.”

~ Muhammad Ali

Not Feeling Guilty About Our Guilty Pleasures.

Embracing Your Interests And Curiosities

I’m sure that we all have a few oddities that contributes to the people that we are–perhaps, some interests or hobbies that do not reflect our cultures or outer selves. To avoid criticisms and judgements from those who may not understand our unusual interests, we might choose to enjoy our “guilty pleasures” in private. As a matter of fact, that is exactly what I used to do. I didn’t want to waste time and energy explaining my interests and defending my right to choose what I am passionate about.

People can be very quick to set parameters for what others should do, how they should dress, act, talk, what kind of music they should listen to, or what kind of movies they should watch (to name a few things).

Black people don’t...

Ladies shouldn’t …

White people can’t…

And the list goes on.

I don’t understand why some of us humans prefer to limit ourselves to the societal “supposed to be’s” when there is so much to explore on this planet. The more we know, the better we will understand each other, and nothing but good things could ever come from that.

Definitely, there is more to life than what is in front of us at any given time. We live in the Information Age. We have access to anything that we would like to learn 24 hours a day. Why not take advantage of that?

I’ve always been a curious person–always interested in how things work, what happens in other places, what words mean and where they come from, and pretty much everything else. Because of the environment that I grew up in (outside of my childhood home), rarely were those interests shared. Instead, they were met with blank stares, brazenness, or eye rolls nine times out of ten. But, that tenth time was always golden! Since I’ve never allowed my environment or stereotypes to curb my enthusiasm about about being turned on by new and, perhaps, abstract things, I’ve grown to be an open-minded and eclectic person. I’ve met plenty of like-minded people, and I’m not afraid to try new and exciting things.

Here are a few things that are of great interest to me that most would probably never guess just by looking at me.

1) The Golden Era of Hollywood

When you chance upon a Black woman who wears a 58 inch Afro, distressed jeans, Shell Toe Adidas Superstars, and a T-shirt that reads, “Say It Loud, I’m Black And I’m Proud“, it’s reasonable to assume that she’s an old school Hollywood fan, right? Lol! Whenever I tell anyone about that part of me, they are usually quite taken aback.

I’ve always been fascinated with the culture, characters, and stories of the Golden Era of Hollywood. On my first trip to Los Angeles, I really didn’t care to do all of the typical tourist stuff (that’s really not my thing), but I absolutely had to see some of the homes of movie stars from that era, the Knickerbocker Hotel, Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, and of course, the famous Hollywood sign!

I’ve watched hundreds of documentaries and interviews centered around this subject, and I am not ashamed to admit that I am a fan of the era.

2) Mafia Movies And Mafia Stuff

That’s really not too far of a stretch from my love of the Golden Era of Hollywood (Lol!). Once again, it’s the culture and the vibe that attracts me. The structure of organized crime is fascinating to me because it’s set up like a government inside of a government. They had very strict rules and a unique set of morals, and they controlled everything– from the entertainment industry to politics–not just vices, as what is usually portrayed. There is a torrent of life truths and life lessons to be found in Mafia Movies, if you are capable of looking deep enough to find them instead of simply concentrating on the violence. In my opinion, some of the most important things that we need to understand about life can be found in The Godfather (the greatest movie ever made!).

3) Charles Manson

Let me make this clear from the beginning: I do not love Charles Manson! He was a horrible person and the world would have been a much better place if he had never been born. (It’s usually best that I lead with that disclaimer so no one will mistake my fascination with adoration. I certainly DO NOT adore him!). Nonetheless, it’s undeniable that he was an interesting little man. And if you are able to listen to him, apart from the gibberish and nonsense (which can be quite difficult), he was an oddly intelligent person. The entire subject of the minds of psychopathic people is an area of interest for me.

These are only three of the many things that I could call guilty pleasures, but I won’t, because I don’t feel guilty about my interest in them. Believe me, there are many, many , more, but these three are probably the most far fetched. I’ve been picked on and ostracized about them, but those reactions have never made me less interested or ashamed.

Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone and learn new things or look more deeply into the things that go on, or have gone on around you. Satisfy your curiosities without regard to what your type is “supposed to be” into. This planet is full of subjects and ideas that we can explore. The masses will always try to pigeonhole us into staying inside of a jaded and stereotypical box that they have created for us; don’t allow them to stifle you. Most of us carry hundreds (and maybe thousands) of dollars in media devices that allows us access to immeasurable information. It’s shameful that most of us limit the use of said devices to Facebook and Instagram.

Challenge!

Try spending ten minutes per day learning something new, regardless of how crazy it is (in fact, the crazier, the better). I can promise you that you will be surprised at what you’ve been completely clueless of; that alone is fascinating. You have the time to do it. If I can do it, anyone can!

“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths”

~Walt Disney

Taking Care of Your “Right Now’s”

Allowing Yourself To Be Vulnerable

In my quest for some level of mental stability, I sometimes find myself quite angry, which usually leads to sadness. This is no good because I really do work hard to stay in the good vibes zone, but how can I stay in the zone when I have trouble finding it?

The fact that I know that such a place exists and that I own and control it helps. However, on occasions, my mind overpowers my soul, and I have trouble finding balance. The first step in resolving any problem is identifying the issue and its components, so when recently I began to feel myself slipping into despair, I immediately checked myself.

Nothing new has happened. So what is wrong with you? Why are you upset?

Self Assessment

I’m sure that I overstate the importance of self assessment in my blogs, and I am a woman of my word. I perform self evaluations regularly. Sometimes, while evaluating myself, I have bouts of nostalgia and words or events from the past present themselves. Many times, this leads me to the answers that I seek. There are also times when these strolls down memory lane are more damning than productive.

Back Down Memory Lane…

With music playing in the background, I placed my head in my hands and began to question myself as to where these feelings could be coming from, and what, if anything, are the triggers. If I can figure that out, I can possibly create new triggers that would help to keep me in the good vibes zone. I closed my eyes and thought about it long and hard.

Recently, I have been cleaning my life out– especially after being diagnosed with BPD. I have eliminated some people from my life and minimized the roles of some people and activities. Although this was done as an attempt to free myself of dead weight (and that has been the positive result), it also left me with a lot of free space in my life, which introduced me to an emotion that I had never in my life experienced: loneliness. While I have plenty of things to do, I have little or no interactions with other human beings. All of my life, there have always been more people around than I wanted. Now that no one is around, it kind of hurts. I hate to admit it, but I kind of miss it.

I live in a town that I really don’t like. I don’t know anyone here, nor do I want to know anyone. From what I’ve seen thus far, I’m not missing out on much by not being socially active in Clarksville. Apparently, I had become dependent upon the very people that I had to sever ties with. However, I don’t regret severing those ties as those relationships were no longer productive–in fact, they were holding me back, mentally. As I evolve, I require more, and I don’t feel bad about that. I also have no intentions of reviving those relationships. This is just an uncomfortable part of the process. It will pass.

That Can’t Be All…

I’ve accepted that I am lonely but too stubborn to go for the quick fix. Okay, that’s good! I’ve got a standard and I’ll accept nothing less than what or who makes me genuinely happy. Since up until now, I would usually settle for close enough, this is actually reassuring. I can work with that. Being alone explains the sadness, but why do I become so angry?

By now, my head is flat on my desk and Aretha is singing about “the deepness of your eyes“, while I come to some serious realizations.

I’m pissed. Why?

I’m pissed that I’ve been a fad in the lives of people that I’ve loved. I’ve been shown that I am replaceable– used and tossed away like a Kleenex. I’m pissed that people are so stupid that that they’d toss away someone who would support all of their efforts, but none of their bullshit. That’s the kind of friend that I’ve always been to people and the kind of friend that I’ve always valued. To this day, I’ve got three friends who have always been that for me–two of which I have known since high school. We don’t talk everyday but I know that they have my back, but they will also kick my ass if necessary. Those feelings and actions are mutual from me to them as well.

As I continued to assess myself, I learned that I am angry about a plethora of other things :

I’m angry with my youngest son for bringing me grief and having a cavalier attitude about it. I’m mad at entire neighborhoods in my hometown for making me feel as though I did not belong just because I was different. I’m mad at some of those same people to this day for acting as if none of that ever happened. I’m mad at several relatives for being two faced, bitter, miserable, and perhaps, jealous bitches–who never really had my back, and in fact, caused and/or perpetuated many problems for me. I’m angry at anyone who has ever looked at me wrong or insultingly called me crazy. I have hatred for a conformist society that makes it difficult for people who are cut from a different cloth, but are not causing harm to anyone or anything. I have disdain for the Black church for perpetuating such ideas in the name of God. I am violently angry with my mother for dying. But most of all, I am not at all pleased or impressed with God, who despite my kicking, begging, and pleading, continues to awaken me morning after morning, sometimes after very little sleep–just to repeat the same stupid process. That’s not merciful, that’s sadistic!

Then the song changed and Donny Hathaway’s “Lord Help Me” began to play. I love music, but it can be pretty sarcastic sometimes. As the song played, I began to cry. Usually, when I feel myself tearing up, I’ll get up and move around, or hit something, or hit myself (anything to stop the tears), but this time, I allowed myself to cry.

While sobbing, I thought back to a few years ago when I googled “how to disappear without a trace“. I was pretty sure that I could do it; it had been done plenty of times before. Before I could give that idea any serious thought, the words of one of my high school friends came to me:

“B, you’re regal. Queens don’t carry bags, walk through back doors, or run away”

Damn… Can’t Even Run Away

There’s no need to runaway because I have identified my problems and their components; now I can work on the resolution. I’ve identified that I am lonely, hung up on some events from the past, and that people suck and sometimes they die. But, I’m still here!

I needed to take a break from it all. I needed to meditate, breathe, reconnect, get tuned in. It took a while, but I was eventually able to slow myself down enough to ask myself an important question: what’s next?

What’s Next?

James Brown’s “It’s A New Day” started to play. By now I am certain that the universe has taken control of iTunes and is now directing my thoughts. I couldn’t deny that it was true, it really was a new day, and I needed to make some pretty quick decisions. I could allow the past to have access to my emotions and control of my actions, or I could do something about it. It was time to compartmentalize these issues, fix what is repairable, and create a defense mechanism for dealing with things that cannot be changed.

I made a list of people that have treated me badly over the years, and from that list, I decided who needs to be addressed and how I would address them–by phone or in writing. Apprehensive of their responses, I almost decided against moving forward with this idea. There’s really no reason to be concerned with their responses, because this is something that I have to do for my own peace of mind, and nothing could possibly be more important than that. If they choose to respond, cool. Either way, it would be up to me as to whether or not I would continue the dialogue.

I had already decided to accept loneliness right now, as it is obviously imperative to my evolution. The universe will provide the right people at the right time. As for now, I’ve got to be strong and steadfast. Since I am free of distraction, I have plenty of time to build a plan that will accomplish my dream, so YAYYY LONELINESS!

Mourning My Mother

As for my mother, I didn’t deal with her death appropriately when she left. I’ve been holding my feelings about that back for 20 years, and now it has manifested itself as anger. Of course I know that she would never have chosen to leave; she loved life. My mother didn’t have any sons, so I know she would have loved and been proud of my boys (even that youngest one) as well as her “twin” granddaughter. I’ve got to allow myself to mourn her and not think of that mourning as weakness. Allowing myself to be vulnerable could actually make me stronger. I’ve always had a problem with vulnerability, so allowing myself to grieve just might be a giant step in the right direction.

Single handedly, I cannot control society and its views of how people or things should be. However, more importantly, I cannot allow that dichotomy to change me. I’ve been “different” all of my life, and I really wouldn’t have it any other way–even with knowing that it has caused people to say hurtful things and treat me unfavorably. Actually, I feel sorry for those who are too closed minded to accept diversity, too afraid to be themselves, and are happy to be slaves to society. I also feel sorry for those who found me replaceable and/or tossed me away. It’s their loss because I’m precious and rare, like Black Opal.

There are plenty of reasons why God continues to awaken His people. Some people have yet to realize their potential and He is giving them every opportunity to successfully complete their missions. Then there are people who have not suffered enough for the evil that they have inflicted (that’s just my opinion). I believe that there is a Divine plan for me and that He is confident that I’m going to get it right. Therefore, life is not a punishment, it’s a gift, but I have to start treating it as such.

Why Am I Sharing This With You?

I’ve always been proud of my ability to stay in the moment. Two of my many mantras are, “There is only now” and “Take care of all of your ‘right now’s’ and all of your ‘tomorrow’s’ will be fine“. All of that time, I was not taking care of my “right now’s”. In fact, I had allowed them to build up so much that it’s going to take time to deal with and get past many of them.

So many times we mistake “Eff it” for actually dealing with an issue, and before long, it seems that the problem is dead. Then we find ourselves giving life to said issues because they were never really resolved; we only “Eff’d it“. “Eff what they said“, “Eff what they did“, “Eff all of it“. That’s not the factory installed defense mechanism for human problems. We are designed to respond to pain. Contrary to popular thought, ignoring things do not make them go away. Whenever your mind or body is trying to tell you something, listen and respond appropriately. Time does not heal all wounds. Sometimes it only covers old wounds with new wounds–each one worse than the last, until we reach our breaking point. I’m learning to allow myself to feel whatever I’m feeling, whenever I’m feeling it. No more being tough, cool, or macho (yeah, I can be kinda macho at times). It’s a major adjustment for me, but I believe that it will pay off for me in the long run.

Allowing ourselves the freedom of vulnerability is essential to our evolution.

Oh, by the way, in case you’re wondering what’s playing now; it’s Roy Ayers, Searching.

Isn’t the universe amazing?

“Our great human adventure is the evolution of consciousness. We are in this life to enlarge the soul, liberate the spirit, and light up the brain.”

~ Tom Robbins

Returning To The Good Vibes Zone

A Short Story About Brandi Badd Ass

A while back, I was having trouble staying in balance. Suddenly, I started losing weight. I wasn’t trying to, and I had been eating as much as I usually do. Within a few weeks I had lost nearly twenty pounds; I was barely 100 pounds. I would also become very easily agitated and it became increasingly difficult for me to concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds at a time. When speaking, I would repeat myself unknowingly. People that I would talk to would tell me that I had repeated myself, and it was very embarrassing for me. I was always sore and my vision was blurred. My energy had decreased and it was difficult to get out of bed each morning. As days would pass, my condition worsened. I hated mirrors; I hated my clothes because most of them didn’t fit anymore. I hated the whole situation, and I couldn’t understand what was going on with me and why it was happening. I refused to accept the possibility that I might be sick because I’m a fighter; I don’t get sick. Besides, I can’t stand doctors.

Before all of this happened, I was doing fine. My days were broken down into a series of routines which were written on dry erase boards on the walls of my bedroom. I followed these routines meticulously everyday. Each day I would meditate for 20 minutes before doing anything else. No TV, social media, coffee, or food until 20 minutes of meditation was completed. Some days I would go to the park and meditate by the river, but most days I did it at home. Next, I’d go walk or run a few miles–nothing major, then I’d come home and say goodbye to my sons as the left for school. Then I’d eat and have no more than 2 cups of coffee while watching TV or looking at social media, study my vision boards to check my progress and make plans to further that progress, then I’d start my job. I would repeat this routine in the evening after work, sans the exercise. I always felt great after completing these routines. It gave me time to think and plan and I was able to work a lot of things out. Nothing was ever urgent and even in stressful situations, I was able to remain cool.

Gradually, I started to minimize steps in the routines. Some days I wouldn’t exercise; some days I’d stay in bed and watch TV for an hour before meditating. I’d stop everything to talk to anyone who was trying to communicate with me, and eventually, I had stopped doing any of it. I felt horrible that I had broken a routine that was working so well for me, but I was feeling so weighted at the time that I could not resume it–even though it was written on my wall positioned so it was the first thing that I’d see upon opening my eyes each morning. I kept telling myself that I was “just taking a break” and that I’d “get back to it when I’m ready“.

Had I become lazy?” I asked myself, even though I knew that was impossible. I can be called a lot of things, and a lot of those things could be true, but lazy is not one of them. My problem has always been that I have more energy and ambition than I have things to do, so laziness was out of the question. Maybe I had become bored with the routine, as I tend to do. Perhaps, I could have rearranged it or substituted some of the steps in the process for other things. Whatever the reason was, I clearly no longer desired doing any of it anymore. I felt as if there was a Baby Grand piano strapped to my back, and I almost always had a headache.

Since I had stopped giving time to myself, for the benefit of my own progress, I had plenty of time for everyone else. I was spending more time on the phone and social media–hearing and reading unpleasant things. I was spending too much time on bullshit and listening to people who make conscious decisions to be unhappy. This was draining, and I knew it, but I allowed it.

Trying to sleep at night was the worst! When a person suddenly loses substantial weight, it’s difficult to find a comfortable position to lay in. I’m used to sleeping on my side and now this was very uncomfortable–so I tossed, turned, and awakened frequently. Lack of rest made doing my job unbearable. I was attitudinal and very impatient with my customers. My attitude was, “I don’t feel well and I don’t care about what you need”. That attitude guaranteed that everyday was excruciatingly long.

ENTER AFROLOGIK

I had been toying around with the idea of starting a new blog or a podcast for about a year. I’d start planning and then abandon the idea. One day, the name “Afrologik” came to me. I liked how it sounded and felt, so I started hashtagging it. After seeing it, I liked how it looked. At this time, I hadn’t yet decided to write a blog, but I kept hashtagging it because I knew that I could eventually do something with such a cool name. In the interim, I still had not returned to performing my daily routines, my attitude had not changed, I still felt sick, I hadn’t gained any weight, and I was still wasting my time with people who were siphoning away what was left of my spirit.

One day a friend told me that I am a pretty good writer. This meshed with what was going on in my head as far as using the name “Afrologik” and that I had thought about starting a new blog. With that encouragement, I decided to give myself a nudge. Since I was already familiar with WordPress, I did some research, viewed some blogs, and ultimately chose a plan and purchased a domain name. I was off to a good start. Now I needed to get busy building the site and writing.

People Can Be Anchors

With a domain name, a WordPress site paid up for a year, and encouragement from someone that I trusted, one would think that I had all of motivation that I could possibly need, right? Well, obviously, it wasn’t, because my behavior hadn’t changed at all. I had the name and the site, but I hadn’t written a word. However, I was still allowing the same people to bombard me with their lives to the point where I was adopting their issues as my own. I felt as though large anchors were chained to my ankles preventing me from moving forward.

I could not move, but I could sit. So, one day, I opened a notebook and begun to write. The more I wrote, the more inspired I became. From this, a new routine was formed. Regardless of what I’d have to do on any given day, I’d have to find time to write. It didn’t matter what I wrote about as long as I wrote for an unspecified amount of time each day. I became so excited by this new habit that it was all I could talk about. And when those ridiculous “anchors” would call on me to intrude upon my day with mindless nonsense, I’d immediately redirect the conversation to Afrologik and how much I was enjoying writing. Even during this change, I was still underweight, sore, my vision was still blurry, and I was still crabby–but I was having less headaches.

I became reacquainted with a friend from middle school on Facebook. While chatting with him on Messenger one day, I told him what I had been doing and asked him if he would mind editing for me. He agreed and shortly thereafter, “Welcome To Afrologik” was written and published, followed immediately by “12 Steps To Staying Youthful“. Both articles received great responses and people started to follow my blog. This was intriguing as well as reassuring. Soon, everything in sight became an idea for a blog. I was happier, but my mental and health status was still unstable.

I started seeing a therapist, because I needed help in creating a plan to regain some level of mental stability. I believed that if I could just “get my head right“, the health issue would also be resolved. My therapist is awesome, and I’m not just saying that because she’ll probably read this (LOL!). The first two meetings consisted of me crying hysterically and telling her that “no matter what I do, I end up feeling like this!“. Talking to her once a week and doing the homework that she assigned helped me feel better–for a while, but my behavior still hadn’t changed. I was still wearing those anchors.

That’s What Friends Are For

With Afrologik off to what I considered to be a decent start and receiving good feedback, I noticed that the anchors hadn’t visited the site, but I was still being a sounding board for their ridiculousness. When I spoke to one of them about this, I was told that although they will offer moral support, they would not follow my blog for reasons that are so fantastically stupid that I refuse to insult my keyboard by typing them. Another anchor posted part of the “12 Steps…” on Facebook as their own. What AWESOME friends I have, right? LOL!

Emerging From The Water- A Brand New Day

Days later, while listening to more of the same nonsensical excerpts of the lives and times of anchors via video message, I had finally heard enough. I stopped the message– probably in the middle–and decided to go take a shower. After I showered I wrapped myself in a towel, stepped out of the bathtub, and walked over to my vanity. As I reached for a bottle of lotion, the towel fell from me. I saw myself in the mirror at 105 pounds, and I did all that I could to keep from crying. I said out loud to my reflection, “You cannot lose ANYMORE weight! What you need to lose are PEOPLE! Lose some people weight! You know that it’s time for some people to GO!”

Our AWESOME Universe

I have not yet decided if the universe was waiting for me to say those words, or if what happened next was all happenstance. I’d like to believe that the universe wanted me to make the realization on my own before it would take action.

One of my anchors contacted me to tell me that our “friendship” was over without giving much of a reason. This was the best news that I could have gotten because I had already decided to bring communication to a screeching halt without any explanation. I really didn’t care how it happened, as long as it happened! In fact, that’s exactly what I did with the other anchor. Just like that, it was all over and neither party would ever have to endure the other again. Harmony!

That night, I lit a candle, filled the bathtub with water–as hot as I could stand–and poured some sea salt and lavender oil into it. With some old school Roy Ayers playing in the background, I laid back in the water until only my face was not underwater (because you know, I still had to breathe). As sweat beads formed on my forehead, I imagined that I was releasing all of the toxins that I had endured and that I would emerge from that water brand new, and that’s exactly what happened. I had returned to my good vibes zone.

The next morning, I resumed my original daily routine, as written on my dry erase boards, and added power writing each night. Within two weeks, I gained seven pounds and my vision was no longer blurry. I’m still working toward my usual weight, which is 125 pounds, but I’m no longer losing weight. I still see my therapist every week, sometimes every two weeks. And guess what? My life isn’t perfect! I have personal ups and downs; I have bad days at work; I still make myself available for my children and my friends, and when they are not happy, it weighs on me. I don’t mind, because they carry my weight at times as well. Balance.

The intended purpose of this story is that having the wrong people in your life can affect you mentally as well as physically. Anyone who does not celebrate you in your victories, support you in your efforts, or tries to attach themselves to the things that you’ve worked hard on, does not belong in your life. The anchors that were in my life are not bad people at all; we just no longer fit into each other’s lives. We weren’t feeding each other anymore. When you discontinue to feed any living thing, it dies. Those relationships were once alive and vibrant, and I will always cherish what they were at one time. Towards the end, the kinship was already dead; it just hadn’t been buried yet. As soon as they were given a proper burial, my health improved. I hope that their lives improved also.

Sometimes we have to sacrifice people and things; this enables us to grow, and it creates space for new people and new things that will carry us onto further greatness. It’s important to be smart enough to recognize what or who is hindering us, and strong enough to walk away. Change can be difficult at first. For instance, after those deletions were made, I had no one to talk to, as most of the people in my life are extremely busy. That turned out to be a good thing, because it encouraged me to become extremely busy–working on myself.

It’s all a part of the process of life. Trust the process and believe that you can take flight. But, you will never leave the ground, if you have anchors chained to your ankles.

“When you wake up, each day looks the same, so each day should be a new beginning”

~Prince

I Know We Just Met, But I Don’t Think I Like You

How To Handle Introductions To Unpleasant People

Have you ever met someone that you instantly did not like? I’m sure that at some point we have all experienced this. It’s not always a bad thing.

I had an experience a few years ago where I was invited to a friends house and when I arrived, my friend had other company — a couple of ladies that I had never met. After being introduced to these women, I shook their hands. I shook the hand of the first woman, it was a normal handshake, she seemed nice. The second woman’s handshake sent something through me that I can’t quite describe, but it was not a good feeling. As this woman spoke, the bad feeling intensified. Eventually, the sight of her made me feel sick to my stomach. Mind you, I was only in this woman’s presence for an hour at best. There was something about her that just did not mesh well with me. I made a polite excuse and left. As I drove off, I began to feel better. Whenever my mind wandered back to that visit I’d become sick again. By this time I had reasoned that I felt bad about my instantaneous dislike for someone that I didn’t know.

During the hour that was spent with this woman, she did nothing offensive. She was just annoying and spoke non stop. I live in the south where this is common, its not a reason to dislike someone. Maybe it was just a case of bad chemistry. This really hurt me because I try to give everyone a chance before making such a judgment. I had to be honest with myself: I just didn’t like her, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Intuition: The ability to understand something immediately without conscious reasoning.

Also known as a “Gut Feeling”*

When meeting new people or going to unfamiliar places trigger feelings, emotions, or or affect your natural demeanor, that is intuition — don’t ignore it! Usually, intuitive feelings are correct. Since as humans we have a need to have control of our feelings we might try to out reason our intuition. It is always important to consider our intuitions and why they are telling us that something or someone is not good for us.

After checking your intuition and trying to bear the company of someone of whom you are hopelessly incompatible with, it is probably best that you part ways. In order to do so respectably, keep a few things in mind.

  • Consider the source

If you were introduced to this person by someone who is your friend or a family member, don’t allow your intuition to make them uncomfortable. Be respectful and exit the situation. Do not make faces, speak in innuendo, become preoccupied with your phone, or make snide remarks. When you make your exit, make sure that you also offer a “goodbye” to the person that you don’t prefer as well. It is okay to dislike someone, but it is never okay to be discourteous. Explain to your friend later that it is best that you are not placed in the company of that person.

  • Consider yourself

Maybe it’s you. Consider the mood that you were in when you met this person. What happened that day? What was on your mind? Could you be jealous of this person? How where you feeling? These are all things that can effect the way that we treat people. Before making a final judgment, take a look in the mirror.

  • Don’t Be Cruel (Well, try not to…)

You never know who you are going to need later in life. Each person is a resource–we are all good for something. If you find yourself dealing with someone that you do not prefer, be honest with them but not cruel, if it can be avoided. However, if it cannot be avoided then remember that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

I had a co worker a few years ago whose conversation I could have done without. I dealt with her random babbling’s the best I could and for as long as I could. One Sunday night while preparing for the work week, I thought about how I would at some point on Monday have to hear a bunch of nothing about this woman’s weekend. That night, I decided to be honest with her.

Sure enough on Monday my co-worker tried to put me to sleep with boring details about her weekend. This time I interrupted her tirade with honesty. I told her that it wasn’t necessary for us to discuss non work related issues. Her feelings might have been temporarily hurt, but she got over it. That was better than me repeatedly enduring the boring tales of her weekend adventures. Had I not tactfully put an end to this, I might have said something that would damage the work relationship. Many times after this conversation I would need her help with on the job tasks and she had no problem helping me.

Always listen to your gut, but do so with an open mind.

When You Become Bored…

Changing Your Mind Is Fine

I’m not sure how many of you visit the Afrologik website, or if most of you read it via email. For those of you who do visit the website, you’ve noticed that I’ve changed some things. Well, actually, I’ve changed everything except the content. Why, you ask? Because I became bored with the original theme so I decided to (as I often say) add some funk to it.

When I started building the Afrologik website, I never wanted to post my picture on it (except for on posts, as I have done a few times). Somehow I felt that having my picture on the site would seem pretentious. I never wanted it to seem like I was trying to lure people to the site or that I am at all self absorbed. I wanted the content to speak for itself. However, when one becomes bored, the mind wanders.

I Googled successful WordPress blogs and spent some time surveying blogs. Most of them included pictures of the author on the homepage, so I decided that if they can do it, so can I.

It didn’t take long to find a picture (since I don’t particularly care for most pictures of myself). In fact, I don’t think it took even 5 minutes. After the picture was selected, I put a black and white filter on it, cropped it, and VOILA! There I am! I’m still getting used to it, but the site is no longer boring to me.

Most Things Have A Shelf Life

That is indeed the life of Brandi. When things become routine, I’m no longer excited about them; I can only find excitement in planning to change them. “It’s cool until it ain’t” is a statement that many people have heard me make.

As written in “Welcome To Afrologik“, I’ve been living in Tennessee for 8 years. I’m now excited about living elsewhere. I’ve been employed as a Customer Service Representative for a major corporation for almost 3 years. I’m VERY excited about moving on. In fact, I am one more “you’re not doing this right” (paraphrased) from things going terribly wrong. I was married for 9 years; the relationship had gone as far as it could go. I became excited about moving on, and that’s what happened. Many people, some familial relationships, have come and gone before, during, and after the above stated events. I’ve never wanted to walk away from relationships, jobs, or even states on bad terms. As a matter of fact, I’ve almost always been able to move on without hard feelings–almost. There have also been times when there was ill feelings. I can honestly say that I currently have no grudges. As long as there is distance there is no need revisit bad times. I wish everyone the very best.

Believe it or not, I’ve even grown tired of music a few times. I’m actually very grateful for that. That temporary boredom lead me to explore other genres and sounds. Thus, my boredom with music has made me love it even more.

Am I Flakey?

Admittedly, I grow tired of people, places, things, and website layouts, apparently, but Brandi is certainly not flakey! When I can no longer give light to someone or something, or I am no longer receiving light from people, places and things, I’d rather move on before situations escalate and become irreparably damaged. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel stifled–especially me! I am a free spirit and I am best cultivated when amongst other free spirited people. So, no, I’m not flakey. I just know when to move on.

Creative people are usually quite excitable, so we require new content- CONSTANTLY. The “same-shit-different-day” routine will quickly kill our spirits. We thrive on new experiences, people, and places. When things become mundane, we become drained (hey, that rhymes!) which can come off as moody, irritable, and distant. This has to be fully understood when dealing with innovative people. Don’t take it personally; just give us space.

Bored? Don’t Like It Anymore? Change It!

Afrologik spends a lot of time encouraging its readers to find their good vibes zone. That also includes being self aware. Maybe you are comfortable spending time with the same people, in the same places, doing the same things, and if so– there’s nothing wrong with that. We all require a certain amount of stability in our lives. Contrarily, if you find yourself in a slump and need a change, seek it! Do the work and [try to] be patient. Don’t overstay your welcome in a position that is no longer making you give the planet your best self. As the late, great Chuck Brown said, “Bustin loose can be pleasin’“. So bust loose!

Only you have control over your mind and you can change it anytime you choose to do so. You can change your beliefs, ideals, lifestyle, location, appearance– anything that you desire to adjust– with or without reason. May we all live long enough to contradict ourselves! (Another Brandi-ism).

Every choice that you make–good or bad– is part of the process. So trust the process.

*Please let me know what you think of the new Afrologik website layout!

Change can be difficult and uncomfortable, but it’s a part of life. Most of the time it can be handled in one of 3 ways: (1)Acceptance (Adjust)- deal with it. Change with it. Don’t resist it . (2)Protest/Concession (Dissuade/Acquiescence)- disagree with it, perhaps fight it and win, or lose and eventually give in and conform to it. (3)Emerge (Evolve)- use what you learn from an uncomfortable situation to create a more comfortable situation. I hardly ever choose #1.

Plan “A” Is All That You Need

10 Reasons Why A “Plan B” Isn’t Necessary

Plan B“, “Alternate Strategy”, “Back Up Plans” are all very practical and safe reasonings. After all, we have all been conditioned to think with the logic of the cliche “Plan A is always have a ‘Plan B’”. We all feel much safer knowing that we have several systems in place just in case something goes wrong (as they usually do), right?

The problem with “Back-Up Plans” is that they almost always become lifestyles, careers, and sometime even spouses! Plan B is nothing more than an excuse for allowing ourselves to become lazy or complacent, instead of putting the required work and effort into our original goal, dream, or passion. Sure, it may be a safe and comfortable place to settle; but it might not be very fulfilling to spend the rest of our lives that way.

The alternate plan is not a crutch, it’s a couch. A place to lounge and be comfortable while watching television, reading, or any other form of entertainment that is being provided by people who have worked hard and put in the time and effort to to live their “Plan A”. Sometime you have throw practicality and safety to the wind and take a chance on yourself!

The second that we form a back-up plan, we have decided that our primary plans will fail. If we really think about it, in the time used forming alternate plans we could have been building a stronger process for our primary goals. The questions to ask ourselves are: “How badly do I want this?” and “What am I willing to risk?”. For our goals, our dreams, and for ourselves we should be willing to risk everything!

1 Devise Your Plan A And Put It Into Motion

Take the necessary time to find your goal. Do the research. Go online, talk to other people that are in the field that you are interested in. Make sure that this is the move for you. If you are positive in your heart and mind that this is something that you not only want to do, but was born to do, then there is no need for a Plan B.

2- Work Hard At It Daily

If you already have a full time job, now you have two! This is going to require all of the time and brainpower that you have. I work forty hours per week for someone else’s company. After I’m done with my “job“, I spend the next four to six hours working on my passion–this blog (even though I’d rather eat and then fall asleep while watching Sanford & Son). Why? Because I believe in it. Goals are not accomplished by flukes! You will have to sacrifice some of the things that you enjoy to accomplish your goals, but it will pay off!

3- Decide To Either Sink Or Swim

When you eliminate Plan B, that is exactly what you have decided to do; either sink or swim. But don’t worry! This is the push that is going to lead you to success! When everything depends on it you’ll work harder because you have to.

4- Learn From Your Errors (There Will Be Many)

Don’t be discouraged by mistakes, consider them opportunities for learning. Wisdom is gained through trial and error — so in a way, mistakes are necessary. Take the lesson, fix it, and move on!

5- Put It Out Into The Universe

Self affirmations works! Tell yourself everyday that you are going to succeed. Speak it verbally as well. Create a vision board. Create several if necessary, and place them where you will see them daily. Make a list of all the great things about yourself and read it every chance you get. Soon you will believe that you will succeed at what you are working on. Michael Jackson used this method while recording the “Thriller” album. I think it worked for him…

6- Only Share What You Are Doing With Informed People

This is VERY important! Some friends and even family may not be capable of understanding what you are working toward. Their incapability could very easily knock you off of your square. These are people that you do not need to discuss your dreams and goals with. Discuss your mission with people who are in the field of interest that you are working on and people who are encouraging. And also, be prepared to lose and or limit some relationships. It is most important that you stay positive. Do not waste time on people who are not conducive to positivity and success.

7- Accept No Excuses. Not Even Your Own

Plan B’s are built on excuses. If you are alive, you can do it! Accept nothing except success!

8- Don’t Expect Instant Success

This will likely be a long and winding road, be prepared for that. Stay in the game regardless of how long, hard, and tiring it becomes. During this period of building your goal or niche, you will learn how to keep it and nurture it. This is a very important part of the process. Patience is a must!

9- Accept Constructive Criticism

No one enjoys being criticized, even constructively. When criticisms come to you from informed sources (people in your field/niche) or people who genuinely care about you- listen! You may or may not agree with it, but you should still consider it. There are times when another set of eyes or ears are needed to catch the mistakes that you might have missed. An outside appraisal from people that you respect could also encourage you to work harder.

10- NEVER GIVE UP!

You are strong! You are resilient! You are beautiful! You deserve all the greatness that life has to offer…unless you give up.

It is better to edit, edit, and re-edit Plan A than it is to have a Plan B. Anything that is being built will need adjustments as it is being constructed, so will your process. Make the adjustments, but do not destroy the structure.

There is no need for a Plan B if your Plan A game is strong.

Feeling Good About YOU!

Loving Your Flaws When Others Do Not

“If you’ve not been criticized, booed, jeered, or such; it’s not because you have no flaws, but because you don’t count so much”

~Danny Thomas

I fell in love with that poem when I heard Danny Thomas say it at the end of a Dean Martin’s Celebrity Roast that was held in his honor. I’m not sure that these are his original words, but they really hit home for me. I’ve always had to deal with harsh criticisms from people who don’t understand me and aren’t interested in trying to. All they know is that I am different from what is acceptable as normal, and it sometimes seems most important to these people that I know that they believe me to be “weird“.

Some of Us March To Our Own Drummers/ Some of Us Have Our Own Rhythm Section

People who are not afraid to march to their own drumbeat often endure the criticisms of other people– sometimes even the ones that we love. Personally, I’ve been labeled with a plethora of adjectives that were used on me with the intent of hurting me or breaking me. Terms like: different, weird, crazy, strange, even retarded! Even more outlandish terms such as: snooty, stuck up, and selfish! (Clearly these are people who have never gotten to know me, or people who did something to get on my bad side). I think my favorite snide remark about me is: “You’re too much”. Because of the context in which it is used, that is ACTUALLY supposed to be an insult! I’ve always wondered if they knew that being “too much” is so much better that being “not enough“.

There was a time when those types of remarks would really sting. Especially when they came from relatives and so called close friends. I spent many years feeling as though I really did not “fit” anywhere. I felt unwanted so I tried to follow trend–at least enough to fit in amongst my peers. As a result, I started losing myself. Sure, I fit in and everyone thought I was cool, but I didn’t like myself so much anymore. I decided to take a time out for self assessment. I needed to decide which was more important: that “they” like me, or that I liked myself.

You Have To Live With Yourself

Of all of the components of this issue, there would be one thing that would never change– I would have to live with me for the rest of my life. No one else would ever be obligated to live with me forever except for me; so I’d better get as comfortable with myself as possible. With this mindset, I decided that fitting in to avoid criticism was no longer an option for me. Regardless of the general consensus, I would always be the me-est me that I could be!

I won’t pretend that this was easy– it wasn’t. In fact, at times it was physically and emotionally draining. I felt alone and misunderstood which moved me to create a fence around myself. That might not sound like a good idea but at the time it was necessary. I needed the time and space to get comfortable in my own skin. Even though I felt alone often, I believed that I truly needed the time to myself. I’m an extrovert, so this was a difficult but necessary step to take if I really wanted to get back to “me”.

I stopped going to clubs and parties. Most of the times that I spent time in these kinds of places was at the behest of people that I thought I needed to blend in with. Instead of going out to night clubs and parties, I started hanging out at Barnes & Noble at night on weekends. I’d always loved to read but I hadn’t read a book in a couple of years because I was too busy fitting in. In fact, books became an important part of this odyssey. I spent a lot of time in libraries as well. I read about everything that I saw. I had so many questions and there was a book or 100 for every question that I had. This new behavior aligned me with others who shared my newly reformed interest in reading. These were people that I met at Barnes & Noble or the library. Eventually, I started taking classes at a community college where I met even more people who loved to read and learn.

I did not completely cease contact with my party people–instead I inserted reasonable distance. From time to time, I’d still communicate with a few of them. I told the few that I still dealt with what I had been doing and where I had been going, and to my surprise, one or two of them became interested also. I will not take this as an opportunity to pat my own back but I have a couple of friends who are now very well read…because of me-the de facto weirdo.

Conversely, there were also people from my former band of associates who felt that I was “acting funny“. Being called uppity and sadity (I really cant stand that (non)word) didn’t bother me at all but rather, showed me that I was better off being in my own “little world” and away from such people. This would prove to be much better for me. I felt lighter, I smiled more, and strangers always seemed happy to have me around. This felt right. This was the life that I knew before my experiment with conformity.

Loving YOU

As time has moved on, I’ve found that I can comfortably be myself in any company and I never feel the need to readjust myself. On the rare occasion that I am uncomfortable in certain company, I simply remove myself–physically if possible. If I can’t remove myself physically, I remove myself mentally. I worked hard and had become brave enough to be accept my eccentricities –not take umbrage from those who couldn’t appreciate my “me-ness“. To this day, I dress differently, I speak differently, and my belief systems and are ideals are different compared to those of my peers– and if that ever changes, it will be only because I want to change them– not because they do not work with the masses. And people…well, they still have things to say. It usually comes back to me through the grapevine, but I never spend any time on their opinions. I wish them all well and move on with my life.

Stand Up To Stand Out/ Inventors vs Consumers

Not everyone is meant to be one of the crowd; some of us were placed on planet Earth to stand out. I call it “inventors vs consumers“. You have to be a little odd to be an inventor. To create something, you have to be able to think differently than the masses. Most of the things that have become necessities in our everyday lives were invented by weirdos–people who were talked about, ostracized, picked on, and misunderstood. The same can be said about the greatest leaders of the world. But they worked on their crafts and they made a difference in the world. They are all very important people and life as we know it would be very different had they decided to become one of the crowd in order to avoid ridicule. Consumers are equally important because obviously, someone has to buy and use these inventions, and by nature they follow. It’s us weirdos who provide the crowd with what they need in order to be cool.

I carry Danny Thomas’ poem in my mind because it reminds me that no one takes the time to criticize, jeer, or put down insignificant people. We actually have to qualify to be subject to insult. Our flaws are integral parts of who we are, they make us beautiful. Love your flaws and be flawsome as you go on to do great things– be they public or private victories. Stay steadfast, confident and vested in yourself!

Saying, “I Don’t Give A Shit”, And Then Actually Not Giving A Shit!

2 Steps To Not Giving A Shit

I know that the title is more pungent than usual, but that was the softest word that I could use to articulate my point. I suppose that I could have said something like, “Saying That You Don’t Care, And Then Not Caring“, but that really does not illustrate what I would like to say.

Humans spend a lot of time and energy on: things from the past, people from the past, current situations that can’t be changed, what others say, do, or think of them – and for what?

Anyone who has that kind of time and energy to waste should run to the nearest homeless shelter and put those resources to use with positive things. Wallowing and dwelling in the above stated issues is not only a waste of time, but no good can ever come from it. Why would you choose to exhaust mind power on things that make you feel terrible?

There are very few things in this life that us Earthlings have total control over. Other than ourselves, we really don’t have complete control over anything. Since that is the case, it’s wise to be very selective of what we choose to give a shit about. After you break it all down into sections, it’s plausible that you’ll conclude that most of the shit that you give a shit about isn’t worth a shit.

Family

Finance

Freedom

Friends (real friends)

Health

The world around us

Those are the best reasons for giving a shit. You have control over some, and are affected by them all. Quite honestly, from time to time it becomes necessary to not give a shit about some of those topics as well. However, those 6 topics serve as a good template for deciding what is worth your time and energy. If the situation at hand does not have an effect on any of the points that are listed above – why give a shit?

Say It Loud! And Then Do It…

Not giving a shit keeps you in the Good Vibes Zone. It’s amongst the most freeing statements that you will ever make- but only if you mean it. Can you fully commit to not being bothered by the things that you can’t change? Can you go through life knowing that people you really cared about have said unfavorable things about you? Can you sleep at night knowing that your most recent ex has moved on?

  1. Decide That You Are Not Going To Give A Shit
    This might take practice at first, but you have to commit to not giving a shit. That means not talking about it to every free set of ears that you come across, no taking your anger out on others, and no posting innuendo on social media. Any and all of the above stated acts means that you do give a shit. It’s important that you make sure that you’ve gotten past the emotional part of the situation. Not giving a shit does not always happen instantly. Take your time and wait until you are mentally and emotionally ready.

2. Don’t Give A Shit

    Go on with your life. Be busy, be active, be happy. Don’t let anyone intrude on your space with their drama. Simply tell anyone who tries, that you don’t give a shit. It’s funny how usually, you only have to say that once per person.

“This doesn’t affect me. I don’t give a shit”

~Afrologik

Priorities are based on personal perspective. Your own health, happiness and welfare should always be your first priority. Without those principles, you can’t function normally. We need to have you out here making the world a better place so if it doesn’t apply, let it fly. Simply, don’t give a shit!

Enter The Good Vibes Zone

Finding Little You

A lot of our “grown up” time on this planet is spent doing what we “have to do“. Working, paying bills, spending our time and energy on people and things that we probably wouldn’t choose on our own, but it’s what has to be done (adulting sucks!). If we are not careful, we can allow that tolerance of things that are not very enjoyable leak into other areas of life and before long, we’ll find ourselves going through the motions. It’s very easy to become stuck in this position but it is difficult to break free from it.

The Good Vibes Zone

The Good Vibes Zone is whatever you want it to be. It’s always a static free space. No responsibilities. No annoying coworkers. No bills to pay! No, it is not a fantasy place. It’s very real, but most of us have blocked it from our brains because we’ve allowed what we have to do become our only priorities. Guess what? YOU are a priority also! You’ve just forgotten.

Remember when you were a kid and could make anything into a toy? When I was a kid, I had tons of toys. I was heavily into Barbie. I’m sure that I had every Barbie product. The house, cars, spa, RV, and plenty of dolls and clothes for them. With all of those great toys that I most likely asked for, I also played with: hair rollers, sticks, erasers, pencils, rubber bands, bottles- basically anything that I could get my hands on. Why? Because any and everything was whatever I wanted it to be. The possibilities were endless. My mind was always creating something else and I used random objects to articulate what my mind wanted to create. Life was good and boredom definitely was not a thing. I’m certain that I am not the only kid who did this.

The good news is that the kids that we were then are still inside of us. They try to communicate with us but we quiet them, since we have so many adult things that need tending to. As a result, we become uptight, stagnant, lethargic, bitter, and just plain dull.

Little Me

Recently, I’ve began letting the kid inside of me have one hour per day to come out and play. We do what ever she wants to do. If she wants to go to the park, we go. If she wants to blast music and dance, we do. Even when she wants to climb things and fall off of things, we do (adult me usually pays the price for that…). Sometimes I let her play for more than an hour.

The time that I spend with “Little Me” reminds me that I am still vibrant, energetic, active, and HERE! When I am with her, the only time is NOW; so there is no reason to worry about things that I cannot fix right now, or things that have not and might not happen. “Little Me” never worries about what other people say or do because she is free.

There are even times when I allow her to take the wheel in adult situations because she is too smart to take herself too seriously. She’s very self aware.

Challenge!

I challenge everyone who reads this blog to spend a little time this weekend finding “Little You” and let him/her guide you to the Good Vibes Zone. Schedule some play dates and watch life become less of a drag!