10 Good Reasons To NOT Involve Others In Your Relationships

Why You Should Keep Your Mouth SHUT!

Apparently, most people do not like being alone (“alone” meaning not in a romantic relationship). Whenever I scroll social media, regardless of the day of the week, or time of day, I see a plethora of memes and posts about relationships. “Wanting” a relationship, “leaving ” a relationship, “my future husband” this, “my future wife” that. Many people dislike waking up alone, and they feel incomplete without the companionship of a significant other. Although I don’t share this sentiment in its entirety, I understand — I’ve even been there.

Courtships can be awesome and fulfilling. It’s a great feeling to have someone in your life to spend time with, or just someone that you can go through the good times and bad times with, who gives you the support and encouragement that you need to go on and be great. When the bond is right, you can finish each other’s sentences, and feel their pain, even if they are miles away. A strong spiritual connection with someone that you love is an incredible gift from the Universe! Many songs have been written based on this feeling of euphoria.

It’s all flowers and sunshine in the beginning. However, it’s inevitable that flowers die, and the sun sets every night. That’s nature.

Don’t Get Me Wrong

I’m not putting relationships down, in fact, I know that many times, things work themselves out. Many courtships flourish in spite of bad times, perhaps, even materializing into marriages.

I was married for a while. Before and during my marriage, I was given advice from several people, most of whom I have abundant respect for. However, the best advice that I was given, was advice that I did not take. It came from one of my favorite aunts — Aunt Charlene.

At my wedding reception, Aunt Charlene pulled me aside and said a few things to me about my new marriage. The last thing that she said to me in that conversation was:

“KEEP OTHER FOLKS OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

Realest words ever spoken! Yet, I did not take her advice. Whenever things went awry in my marriage, I’d share the details with any open ear. I honestly don’t believe that had I taken her advice, my marriage would have survived — in fact, I know that it wouldn’t have. Nonetheless, heeding those words might have made our time together less strenuous. I haven’t been in a relationship since my divorce, but moving forward, I will take Aunt Charlene’s advice.

10 Reasons Why You Should Keep Other Folks Out of Your Business

While discussing this topic with my daughter, Justice, we comprised a list of 10 reasons why sharing the woes of a relationship with friends and family is not a wise thing to do. Maybe this list will help someone.

  1. You wont take their advice

When you go to people for advice about your relationship, you’re already upset. Even if you are given sound advice, most likely, you’re going to do things your own way. When your heart is involved, you’ll accept things that are nonsensical — even to you. If you repeatedly depend on the ears and words of your friends and family, it’s inevitable that the will soon tire of hearing the same story over-and-over. Eventually, they’ll stop listening, and perhaps, avoid you altogether. Don’t ruin the good relationships in your life by annoying them with problems that you know you are not going to fix.

2. You could put your friends/family, and even yourself in an uncomfortable environment

This is especially true with family and very close friends. Remember, these people care more about you than they do your significant other (regardless of what they say). It hurts them when they feel that you are in an unstable environment (based on what you’ve told them). This could make for very uncomfortable holiday dinners.

3. You will vilify your mate

How could you not? When you go to others to tell them what “he/she” has done to piss you off, and what an asshole they are; you’re going to make yourself the victim, and “him/her” the villain. As the saying goes, “It takes two to tango“, but a person can do the robot alone. When you go to your support system and tell them how you’ve been trying to tango, while “he/she” insisted on doing the robot — without telling them that you did the robot now and then too, guess who your team will support? And now, all because you did not tell the story in its entirety, there’ll be more uncomfortable holiday dinners.

5. They’ll take your side

You may not want to admit it at first, but sometimes, it’s YOU who is wrong. In many cases, the people who love, respect, and/or look up to you will tell you what they think you want to hear instead of what you need to hear. This will give you a false sense of righteousness, and if there is a lesson to be learned, it’ll go over your head. Always avoid coddlers — at all costs! Avoid them in any phase of life. They think they’re helping, but they’re not. They only make things worse.

6. They’re not perfect either

Anything can look good on paper. In other words, people in seemingly good relationships, definitely have ups and downs as everyone else does. Because they put up a front as though they are the perfect couple, is exactly why their advice can’t be trusted. Personally, I’d rather listen to people who suck at relationships, because unbeknownst to them, they are telling me what NOT to do.

7. People can be jealous pricks

If you usually seem happy, and you tell certain people that your relationship is in strife, they’ll help you make it worse. It’s really amazing how skilled these types of people are at performing these acts. I guess they should be great at it, since most of them have spent so much time being miserable.🤷🏽‍♀️

8. Maybe they want you. Maybe they want him/her

Do not believe that there are not people out there who are dying to be in your position. They could be people that you talk to and associate with regularly — even family. Choose your allies wisely.

9. They’ll tell everybody

Ever heard it said that the only way that two people can keep a secret is if one of them are dead? Well, it’s true. If your story is told to even one other person, it’ll become national news by morning. Even worse, by the time the story about your minor dispute comes back to you, you probably wont even recognize it.

10. You know that you’re not going anywhere

When an argument first commence, you know whether or not you are going to leave your significant other. I’ll say that eight times out of ten, no one leaves. If they do, it’s not forever– especially not in current times. You’re better off buying a journal and writing your thoughts out, or as my dad once told me: drink a tall glass of water, slowly, and then decide how you will handle the situation. Calm yourself and work on a solution without involving other people.

Heed The Advice of Aunt Charlene

Before you share the ugly details of your relationship with others, remember my aunt Charlene’s advice, “KEEP OTHER FOLKS OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS!”. Why? Because flowers grow, and the sun rises every morning. That’s nature also.

“People speculate on your personal life anyway. So I think it’s important to keep my private life private and my public persona more into music, you know”

~Prince

The Journey of the Human Mind

Contradictions And Evolution

I was soaking in the tub a few nights ago, with music playing softly in the background, as I always do. I have a special playlist that consist of relaxing music — mostly instrumentals, that I only use for this event. The sole purpose of soaking is to cleanse my aura and allow myself to relax and be at one with the Universe.

I Am Your Mind

On this night, “I Am Your Mind” by Roy Ayers (one of the few songs on that playlist that has words) began to play. I’ve heard that song thousands of times, but obviously, I had never really listened it. As I laid back in the tub with all but my face under water, incense burning, Zen candle lit, I took the time to listen deeply to the lyrics.

After the song ended, I continued to think about the words, even though other songs had started and ended. The lyric that stood out the most for me was:

“I was your mind yesterday; I am your mind today; and I’ll be your mind tomorrow. And as our end draws near, we will become closer. But you and I will never be one, for I will part from you, and you will part from me; you finding another mind, and I, another soul. And we will travel on and on.”

This got me thinking about our thoughts and our words. Thoughts travel through our minds constantly, at lightning pace — sometimes erratically. Some ideas are created in our minds as the result of overthinking. And, there are times when the Universe whispers to us in our thoughts and helps us work out things in our lives. When thoughts are erratic, they can drive us crazy! We jump from thing to thing, subject to subject as if some sadistic spirit has remote control of our brains. At any rate, our minds are always busy.

Contradiction Doesn’t Have To Be A Bad Thing

What we currently think at any given time will not necessarily stay with us, and that’s not a bad thing; may we all live long enough to contradict ourselves. We are ever changing beings, and as we evolve, so will our mindsets, thoughts, and perhaps, belief systems. Experience, as well as lessons learned along the way, whether personally or through others, can reshape us as they enter our orbit. This shouldn’t be resisted; it is conducive to our growth.

As we learn more about ourselves and some of those thoughts begin to manifest, we become excited to share what we know, and who we’ve become — sometimes on a “need to know” basis, and sometimes voluntarily. Eventually, those thoughts and ideas translate to words and begin to travel through space, reaching others and having an effect on them. Words can enlighten, provoke thought, and sometimes, words can completely turn people off. Regardless of the effect that our ideas have on others, they are still absorbed by the people around us, which could aid in their evolution, or their resistance.

Mind Traveling

So, as we transmit information from mind to mind, and soul to soul, we all grow together, as well as apart, because our minds and our souls are designed for expansion — to move forward. Our minds are always vulnerable to what’s going on around us. We think, ponder, and wonder. The byproduct of that energy is creation. We are all creators — transmitters of good and bad energy, and it all starts with parts of us that no one can see or touch — yet many will reach: our minds and our souls.

“The Mind is never satisfied with the objects immediately before it, but it’s always breaking away from the present moment and losing itself in schemes of future felicity… The natural flight of the human mind are not pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope”

~Samuel Johnson

2019: New Year, New Goals

Accomplishing Goals For The New Year

This is the final Afrologik article of 2018. I’ve expressed to you all how very appreciative I am of your support, so I won’t go into detail with that gratitude. However, I truly hope that I have given you all something positive that you can take into 2019. Through writing this blog, I’ve discovered much about myself, so thank you all for allowing me to share my thoughts with you. ( To go on with this subject would be an act of redundancy. If you need to know the full extent of my gratitude for your support, click here).

New Year Reset

A new year is pretty awesome because it is a chance to hit “reset“. Of course it is not a clean slate (wouldn’t it be nice if it was?), but it is an opportunity to plan for a new outcome. We can set new goals or improve on the areas of our lives that need improvement. I’m sure that we all have some nuts and bolts that could use tightening up.

Everyone is about to start talking about losing weight, and gyms everywhere are about to launch massive advertising campaigns to attract thousands of people who are not going to stick with it (pardon my frankness, but some of you know who you are, and know that it’s true). I understand because I’ve been there. It’s as easy to to become motivated to work out as it is to become unmotivated.

Don’t Jive Yourself

Committing to a workout and diet plan really is hard work — especially in the beginning. You have to condition yourself to stick to a schedule, stay away from certain foods that you might enjoy, and be consistent with things that you are not used to. Setting goals and reaching them is encouraging, but it’s not alway enough motivation to see us through the process. That is usually the part where we start making excuses: pain, family, job, too tired — you know, the usual BS. Instead of lying to others, as well as ourselves, why not be honest and admit the truth: “I wasn’t as serious about it as I wanted to be, so I quit.” I’m sure that admitting that is very liberating.

Unfortunately, many people will start the year off working on their goals and dreams with the same vigor as those who failed at committing to lose weight, and in a few months (or weeks), they’ll begin to lose momentum and settle for the life that they have. There’s nothing wrong with being content with your current life, if you’re happy. Setting new goals is not always indicative of unhappiness. Sometimes, goals are set to achieve self-fulfillment. When we are no longer ambitious, we are reneging on the fulfillment that we desire, or need.

Set Your Goals And Stick To Them

Setting goals and staying on task can be extremely difficult to do — I know this from experience, as I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I’ve been 170lbs (at 5’3), desperately needing to lose 40lbs. I’d start workout regimens and lifestyle changes, and then totally blow them off. In the end, vanity gave me the push that I needed to lose weight and adopt new and better habits. I’ve also set personal goals to acquire material things and personal achievements, only to run out of gas halfway to the finish line. It’s never taken long for me to regret giving up on myself. That regret would make me apprehensive about trying again, because I knew that I couldn’t bear more self disappointment. Nonetheless, I always got up and tried again.

I started planning for a better 2019 in 2018, but as life would have it, towards the end of the year, I was hit with obstacle after obstacle. This time, what I had working in my favor, was that 2018 was the best year that I’ve had in several years, so I’m optimistic about the upcoming new year. I know where I want to be, what I want to do, and most importantly, I know what I have to do to accomplish those things.

COME ON OBSTACLES! THE GLOVES ARE OFF! BRING IT!

As we all prepare to begin a new revolution, we must stay on course. If there are things that you want to accomplish this year, and you are serious about accomplishing them, take the gloves off and bare-knuckle box to achieve the things that you want. Be steadfast and vigilant.

Make a list — today — of all of the steps involved with making your goals a reality, and cross off each step as you complete them (a friend suggested this to me a couple years ago. It really does help!). This will show your progress in real time and encourage you to keep going.

Two thousand nineteen is the year of possibilities. Everything that you want is possible, if you are willing to put in the work. You got this! And the universe has got you!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 🎊🎆🎈

My Umi says: shine your light on the world. Shine your light for the world to see

~Mos Def

2 Days Left In 2018: What Writers Block Looks Like

A Look Back…

I can only speak for myself, but 2018 was an awesome year! I traveled, I met some Facebook friends, I found myself, and I found the place that I really want to be (California); I’ve even started making plans to make that a reality. Most importantly, I started Afrologik, which has been an amazing journey. Afrologik is the earmark for the greatness that is to come. Also, it is the first of my many endeavors that I have stuck with, and plan to continue. I enjoy writing this blog, and I’m grateful to my audience. Your encouragement made that possible.

In writing for Afrologik, many times I have experienced writers block, (as writers tend to do). There are several ways of combating writers block, such as: taking a break and doing other things until inspiration hits, exercising, eating, and much more. I’d often feel guilty about running out of gas, so I started looking on Google for ways to fight it. All I found was more of what I mentioned earlier. So I thought, “writing is art, and artists have to be creative. I’ve got to do something creative to awaken my own creativity”. With that idea in mind, I turned to Snapchat and it’s filters. You know what? It worked every time!

As the end of 2018 is more imminent, I’ve decided to share with you some of what I did to combat writers block. This is my invitation to you, to the sillier side of Brandi Badd Ass.

When Writers Block Commence

This Christmas – Donny Hathaway

If You Want Me To Stay – Sly & The Family Stone

Annie Don’t Wear No Panties – Erykah Badu

Cosmic Slop – Funkadelic

Goldmine – Take 6

School Boy Crush – Average White Band

Blues And Pants – James Brown

‘Round Midnight – Amy Winehouse

🍋 Lemons To Lemonade

Anything can be fun, if you make it fun. For writers, running out of words and/or ideas is the worst! It doesn’t have to be a drag. Whatever it is that you have to deal with, is probably not as much of a drag as it seems to be. Take a break from it and have fun! The answers usually come after you’ve separated yourself from the frustrations, this is something that I know all too well, so you can take my word for it. If I can do it, ANYONE can do it!

We’ve got two more days to get our heads right for 2019. Enter the new year in the good vibes zone. Love, laugh, and relax–it’s not that urgent.

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade “

~ Some cat who probably had a lemonade stand

Says No One EVER! 10 Statements That Have Never Been Spoken

Welcome To The Weekend

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It’s finally Friday, the gateway to the weekend. We’ve made it through Christmas and the work week (for those of us who worked through the holiday). Lets take a break from all of the frustration and anxiety of the last five days, and perhaps, chuckle a little. Cool?

Ten Things That No One Would Ever Say 

1) I have way too much money.

2) No, YouTube. I would not like to skip this long boring ad in five seconds.

3) I can’t wait to get my prostate checked. (courtesy of my good friend Chris Foxx.  Obviously, I do not have a prostate.)

4) I encourage my children to keep lights and appliances on, even when they are not in use. Because low energy bills really suck!

5) Smoking cigarettes improved my asthma.

6) (To boss or manager) I was late to work today because, well, I didn’t want to come to work.

7) I love it when all of the neighborhood children get together and express themselves, loudly.

8) Tacos. YUCK!

9) I enjoy waking up to a sink full of dishes. Who wouldn’t?

10) I lost 50 pounds on the bread and potato diet!

Enjoy your weekend, my friends!

“Laugh as much as possible, always laugh. It’s the sweetest thing one can do for oneself & one’s fellow human beings.”

~Maya Angelou

When What They Do Effects You: Dealing With Negativity

Identifying Negativity

Have you ever been around a person who affects the way that you act or feel? In some cases, this isn’t a bad thing. For instance, if the person/people brings out the better parts of you and/or encourages you to strive for excellence, then their presence in your life is positive and valuable. However, if these people bring to light the parts of you that you find unfavorable, or are not contributory to your growth and happiness, they are not valuable, and they do not belong. Anyone who does not leave you with feelings of encouragement and ambition, has no place in your life.

Self Check: Is It You?

Not everyone who has a negative effect on our feelings and/or behavior, is doing so with malicious intent. There are situations where the “offender” has the best of intentions and are not aware of the effect that they have on us. Most of the time, in this case, it’s not them — it’s us.

Humans have a tendency to manufacture thoughts, ideas, and even actions, in our minds, with the expectation that these feelings are understood and known by others. We become disappointed when we find out that what we have created in our minds is not understood by the opposite parties. This usually results in an array of feelings and emotions, such as jealousy, anger, and depression, which can have an adverse effect on our actions.

Unconscious Negativity

Some people have rotten dispositions and give off negative energy that affects everyone around them. Even theses types of people are not necessarily consciously inflicting their negative energy upon the people around them. Sometimes, it’s a case of “That’s just how they are”. When negative energy comes from those of whom you cannot avoid spending time around (perhaps a coworker), it can be difficult to maintain a positive attitude. Even worse, bad attitudes can be quite contagious. An unpleasant disposition could rub off on you and stifle you from being at your best. Although they may not be purposely exacting negativity, they are still toxic, and should be avoided.

Blatant Negativity

There are also those who really are jealous, angry, bitter, and insufferable, and would love nothing more than to bring everyone down to their level. Self loathing people enjoy bringing grief onto others. It’s been my experience that bitter, resentful, people often have entitlement issues. Since they feel that the world owes them something, they are offended by happy, prosperous people. Belittling anyone who is representative of the things that they don’t have, yet feel entitled to, makes them feel better about themselves. Sick huh? I know.

You Can’t Control Other People, But You Can Control YOU!

When it comes to those who do not have malicious intent, but instead, are victims of our own imaginations; we must be accountable for our feelings. Communication is the only way to remedy vast ingenuity. We can save ourselves from depression and confusion simply by stating our cases in an effort to know the truth. This is much better than being guided by assumptions. As humans, we tend to overstate how insightful we believe ourselves to be, by attempting to “figure things [and] people out”. There is not always reason for figuring, but rather, inquiring. Not everything  is a puzzle or a “sign”. Believing that everything is said or done in some sort of code, has the potential to drive you mad. Be accountable for your assumptions and articulate your feelings.

Not everyone that we chance upon will have positive attitudes, and sometimes the attitudes of unhappy people can influence our own. This is when we have to create own force field. Whenever you are in positions in which you cannot physically escape the realm of another persons demeanor, concentrate on your own. People are people, and they’re not always easy or pleasant, we have to accept that. However, we cannot allow the vile attitudes of others to change who we are. The best way to protect our energy is to not allow negative people to engage us. There’s no need to respond to or acknowledge them, so don’t.

There is truth to the saying “If you ignore them, they’ll go away”. Even the most self loathing person will not perform if they do not have an audience. Keep moving forward and building your dream, or just continue to be your fabulous self — that is kryptonite to negative energy. Shine on them and blind them. Do not allow salty people to deprive you of the things that the universe has for you.

“The problem with those consumed by negativity, stress, and worry, is that they are trapped by the black cloud. Sunlight cannot enter their world.”

~Joel Aylworth

Holiday Acrimony: ‘Tis The Season

Dealing With The Rudeness of The Holiday Season

I went to Walmart today to grab a few things (I’m at Walmart often because it’s close and I can quickly run in and out). While there, I ran into an employee that I often converse with. He’s from Detroit, so whenever I see him, I yell, “Hey DETROOOOIIIT!!!”, and he responds, “Hey SAG-NASTAYYYYY!” (Sagnasty is a slang term that means Saginaw, Michigan, which it where I’m from). Since we are both Michiganders who live in Tennessee, that’s how we address each other. I’m sure that at some point, we introduced each other with our real names. However, I don’t remember his, and I’m sure that he doesn’t remember mine.

As always, we stopped to shoot the breeze in the produce section. During our conversation, I saw a middle aged man walking near us; he was carrying a gallon of milk. Seconds later, a young woman approaching the corner of the isle with a shopping cart inadvertently bumped into the man with the milk. Detroit and I jumped as we heard the SPLAT and saw milk pouring over the floor. Immediately, a mild argument commenced.

Let The Craziness Commence!

Woman with cart: I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you.

Milkman: yeah, you should watch where you’re going!

This man was livid! He was not trying to hear any apologies. Obviously, the woman did not intend on bumping into him or cause him to drop his milk. Nonetheless, the milkman didn’t care–he was pissed!

After they finished the short, but angry exchange, both parties went about their business. I assumed that the angry man went to grab another gallon of milk, and the woman continued her shopping as planned. However, neither of them tried to tell anyone that a mess had been made. They just left it there for an innocent person to slip and fall on. Since Detroit had witnessed the ordeal, he grabbed a mop and began cleaning up the mess.

As he cleaned the milky mess, I said to Detroit, “People are so awful during this time of year. Supposedly, it’s about love and goodwill towards mankind, but the reality is that people become major assholes around Christmas!” . He agreed and told me that he really dislikes working during the holiday season for that reason exclusively. I shared with him that I’d been dealing with the same kinds of entitled, insistent, rude people over the phone as a Customer Service Agent. After a some brief banter on the subject, we parted ways.

Last Year Around This Time…

As I walked towards frozen foods, I remembered that it was around Christmas last year when I was in the same store, and as I was walking down an isle, and I saw an elderly woman on one of those Amigo scooters who had run into a hanging rack and had gotten stuck there. Even though five or six people had witnessed this, no one tried to help her. Mind you, Tennessee is known as the “Volunteer State“, however, no one volunteered to help her. I abandoned my cart (leaving my purse vulnerable to other kinds of “volunteers”) and rushed over to lift the rack so she could break free without injury. All the while, the same five or six people stood by as though entertained, without offering help.

After I had removed the rack that she was attached to, she just rode off without expressing the slightest bit of gratitude, and the onlookers continued shopping as if none of that had happened. I reattached the rack to the structure that it was originally hanging from, informed another employee that it was in a dangerous position, and told him what had just happened. After that, I continued to shop without giving thought to the rudeness of the elderly woman, or the onlookers. Even though it would have been nice if the woman had been even a little gratuitous and acknowledged that, out of six or more people, only one person cared enough to protect her from injury. I know better than to do anything for anyone unless it comes from the heart and without expectation; I had made the Gods happy, and that I felt good about that. I didn’t need confirmation.

Why Are People So Mean During The Holidays?

As I continued to shop on “The Day of the Spilled Milk” (as it shall forever be called) and recollected on the Christmas of yesteryear, I questioned: Why are people so mean during what is known as the “Most Wonderful Time of The Year“? I then remembered that Christmas isn’t the only time that brings out the worst in humans. Ever been in a grocery store or a restaurant on a Sunday after church? I’ve never understood how people can leave a house of worship, and treat others so horribly after spending the last few hours listening to “The good word“. What happened? Maybe it is because of the same reasons that I can be mean after work: I’m tired and I’ve spent the last 8 hours putting up with things that were not enjoyable. Even though working that job is a choice, it is necessary as bills have to be paid. Going to church is also a choice, but it comes with more freedoms. If these people attend a church that alters their disposition to the point where they can’t be nice to others, why don’t they find a new church that has a better effect on them? I’m sure that finding a new church would be easier than finding a new job. As for why people are mean during Christmas, I think I understand why that happens, even though I don’t condone it.

I usually don’t enjoy my birthday. It’s been that way for 20 years or more. I’ve tried to make plans, but they usually fall through. Eventually, I decided not to make plans or even give much acknowledgement to my birthday. A few years ago, I finally figured it out. The reason why I don’t enjoy my birthday is because there is too much pressure. Everyone is wishing me a good day and telling me to enjoy “my day“. If not that, people are asking me how I intend on spending “my day“. This leaves me with nothing to say because I have no plans. Then, I begin to feel bad because I don’t have plans, and obviously, me having plans would appease those who are asking. In the end, I’ve not only let myself down, but also those who have nothing to do with my birthday. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true.

I believe that people who are mean and rude during the holiday season are also responding to pressure. The holiday season can be a very intense time. There’s shopping, spending money that we ordinarily would not spend, overcrowded stores, traveling, and traffic is even more ridiculous than usual. Perhaps when people begin to express their more unfavorable sides, it’s in response to all of the pressure that they’ve decided to take on.

“Decided” Is The Operative Word

Since partaking in the traditions and stereotypes of the season is a personal choice, no one has the right to direct the discomfort that they’ve decided to take on towards the rest of the world. If you are someone who is guilty of this offense, you should check yourself. If you don’t, someone might do it for you. Conversely, those who find themselves on the receiving end of this type of behavior, try to exercise restraint and consider that there are some people who have trouble dealing with the conformist decisions that they make (such as following traditions that brings out the worst in them).

Remember, ‘Tis the season to be jolly!

In all cases, it is divine to be kind, regardless of the situation. As I’ve said in previous blogs, what you give unto to universe, the universe will give unto you!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

“Kindness is a language the blind can see and the deaf can hear”

~African Proverb

Consistency And Personal Achievements

Blog #30. THANK YOU!

It Has All Happened So Fast

I started Afrologik at the end of September, 2018, and posted my first blog in early October. Even though I started with vigor and excitement, I really expected this to be another thing that I’d start, full speed ahead, and then become bored and quit. I expected to wake up one morning and reach for my “go to” excuse: “Life has gotten in the way“, and just like that, Afrologik would come to a screeching halt, as all of my projects usually do.

I’ve Done This Before

Afrologik is not my first blog. Over the years, there has been: Wyldflow3r, Wyldflow3r In Words, In The Hip Pocket, (I’m sure that there are at least one or two more that I can’t remember). There has also been a few podcast projects, that were huge to me for a while, and then suddenly I’d decide, “I don’t wanna do this anymore“. And once again, the projects ended.

People would ask me why I stopped and when I’d get back to it. I usually answered with a lie, ” I had to work on some other things, but I’m gonna get back to it soon“. LIES! ALL LIES!!! I knew that I wasn’t going to “get back to it“. I lied as if I was ashamed to say that I had become bored with it.

As time passed, people stopped asking and I no longer thought about former projects, or starting new ones. Do you know what I did with the newly available time? Nothing! I did absolutely nothing! I didn’t work more, spend more time with my family, I didn’t begin dating anyone, I didn’t give birth, no one got sick, and no one died. None of the usual events that people use as an explanation of why they made a sudden life change had happened to me. I went to work, and after work I’d do nothing, except: make 700 Facebook posts per day (700 is an exaggeration, but I posted very often), and play text tag with my friends– and I didn’t feel bad about it.

Gotta Be Consistent At Something

Although I was not consistent with any of my projects, I was at least consistent at quitting! Ideas would pop into my head, and I would write them down in one of my notebooks and then put it in a box, where it would stay for several months. This would go on for years. I should have felt horrible about that, but I didn’t. By this time, I had accepted that I would consistently start things and the bail on them. My attitude about that was “meh🤷🏽‍♀️”.

Every now and then, I’d still write. Not regularly, just sometimes. I wrote short stories, listicles, I journaled, I even wrote a few Haikus (DO NOT ASK! I WILL NEVER SHARE THEM BECAUSE THEY SUCK! LOL!). What I didn’t realize was that I really wasn’t as consistent with quitting as I had given myself credit for. In fact, I was pretty flakey when it came to quitting. I was most consistent at writing–I had never stopped writing.

Fast Forward

I’ve already told the story of how Afrologik came about, so let’s fast forward to September. A friend of whom I respect more than probably 90% of all of the people that I know, or have known said, “Someone can write their ass off. But she doesn’t listen” and then BOOM! AFROLOGIK! Well, it went kinda like that.

As life would have it, I stumbled across the notebooks that I had been jotting in over the years while reorganizing a closet. I started to flip through the pages and skim through what I had written over the years. While life was “getting in the way“, I was writing it all down. I didn’t know it back when I was writing, but I had started Afrologik! The theme, the premise, everything that Afrologik would become, had been written years ago. I cleaned some of it up, rewrote, and shared some of those writings here on this site. Others have been dissected into several ideas for future blogs.

I’ve Got No Game

The greatest MC ever, Nas , once said (I’m going to paraphrase as to exclude the expletives) “I got no game, it’s just some people understand my story“. I feel that I live up to that lyric. I don’t talk about things that I don’t know or have not experienced; verbally or in writing. I also thrive on the lessons learned from the wisdom and experiences of others. Not only do I not have a problem with it, but I am proud to admit that I really don’t know much at all. I’m not always a happy person, and most of the time, human beings drive me NUCKIN FUTS! (That’s mine, but you can use it 😉). Writing is cathartic for me, even if no one reads it. However, everyday I celebrate because people really do read what I write–EVERYDAY!

Thus far, Afrologik has regular readers from 17 countries, I think that is amazing. I regularly receive positive feedback and encouragement from many people via WordPress, Facebook, Messenger, or text messages. I’m forever grateful for all of the love and positive energy acquired from those who support my blog. You all will never know how many times your words have talked me down from a ledge.

THANK YOU!!!💜💜💜

Of all of my former projects, this is the first time that I’ve done something 30 times without getting bored and quitting (except for one podcast). I usually quit before I get to 15! It feels good to reach this milestone. I’m overwhelmed with pride and gratitude. So here on my 30th post, I want to thank you all for understanding my story!

“Thanks for coming out. God bless you, good night”

~Russell Simmons

Tell It Like It Is

Preparing To Start The New Year Free of Dead Weight

With 2018 wrapping up, soon everyone will be talking about the holiday/ winter pounds that they are planning to lose in preparation for their 2019 “beach bodies“. Some will actually accomplish this, while most will have given up by March. There is weight that I am sure that many of us could stand to lose. It requires no exercise and can be accomplished before January 1st. Surely, a lot of you are now buck eyed in anticipation of finding out how you can lose weight in less than two weeks. Well, it can be done! We can all get rid of (drumroll)…

MENTAL WEIGHT! Let’s not start a new revolution with words unspoken that perhaps, need to be spoken. Dig?

Easier Said Than Done

I wouldn’t say that this is easy to do. In fact, I know that it is quite difficult. Whether the statements that you need to make are nice, or not so nice, saying what is on your mind can be an onerous task.

When you need to bear your soul, or clear your conscious, you are taking a big chance, because you really have no way of knowing how your message will be received. This is especially true when dealing with matters of the heart, because of the fear that said feelings may not be shared. It seems that it’s much easier to conceal our feelings than to share them and risk the current status of what is considered a valuable relationship–that’s not unreasonable. However, by speaking your mind, at the very least, you will become aware of the possibilities (if there are any) and you’ll know where you stand– or, if it is time to position yourself for better opportunities.

Don’t move into the new year with false hopes that are binding you to an idea that will never come into fruition. Instead, make space for newness and all of the great things that are awaiting. Chances are, they’ve been trying to get in for a while, your mind was just too congested, in vain, with “what could be“. Or, maybe it can actually happen. You’ll never know if you never make your intentions known. Throw caution to the wind and take a chance on success or failure. Either way, you’ll win.

STOP THE MADNESS!

I’m certain that many of us are carrying anger that is probably several years old. Stored anger can be very dangerous, unhealthy, and heavy. If allowed, it can turn the most positive people bitter and miserable.

This year, I got a lot off of my chest, as far as stopping the madness. This meant losing and/or creating distance from some of the key people in my life. It took a while to readjust and I often feel all alone, but I no longer feel anger. Being alone is fixable–even if only temporarily. Anger festers and blocks light; when you think it’s gone, it pops up out of nowhere and ruins your day. It’s robs us of the energy that it takes to get through the day, and inspire ourselves or others. Inspiring, and being inspired is crucial to the cycle of life.

It’s not a good idea to take unresolved issues into the next year. It’s important to get whatever you have been holding in, for however long, out of your system as soon as possible. It is conducive to your growth. Angry thoughts are counterproductive to your evolution.

It’s best to try to accomplish this as tactfully as possible. I know that it can be fun to “cuss out” a person who has caused pain and hurt. It’s understandable to want that kind of person to feel as rotten and they have made you feel. Nonetheless, if tact is not employed, most likely, the discussion will become an argument, and nothing will be resolved. You might even walk away from it feeling even angrier.

If the object(s) of your discontentment are people who are not capable of having a mature, civilized conversation, consider writing or texting them. Actually, I prefer this method and I have applied it many times this year. If nothing else, writing (or typing) will allow you to say everything that you’d want to say without interruption, or worse; someone charming you into relenting.

Face to face or phone conversations are great also, but keep in mind that even the most civilized people will want to respond, and if they feel necessary, defend themselves. Writing is the best way to clear yourself of anger towards others because you are not required to read their rebuttals (if they have any), and unless you choose to, you don’t have to respond. What is most important is that you are no longer carrying that anger.

The Best Policy

Holding on to secrets? If they are weighing you down with guilt, let them go. Start the new cycle with a clear conscience. It’s true that secrets can destroy relationships, and so can revealing them. If you are holding information that is hurting or hindering you from achieving peace of mind, you’ll have to weigh your options.

Freedom Isn’t Free

Even if the revelation results in the end of a relationship, exposing the truth could prove to be best for all involved. After time passes and those involved have time to heal, who knows, the friendship(s) could be restored. If not, you’re no longer a slave to the guilt that you’ve been carrying, and people that you love are no longer living under false pretenses, or maybe, have the answers to something that has been troubling them. It takes courage to be honest.

Show of Hands 🖐🏽

How many of you are going to honestly try to get rid of the deadweight in your lives before January 1st?

How many of you are apprehensive about doing so?

(You can’t see me, but I’m raising my hand)

For some, it’s easier to do some more-so than others. Myself, I know that it had been much easier for me to inform a person that I was angry than it was for me say, “I dig you” or, “I dig what you do“. Even with it being easier for me to express contempt, I still allowed unfavorable treatment from people to go on for years. I was apprehensive because of what those relationships meant to me at the time. Because of that, I gave a lot of second, fifth, and one hundred and third teeth chances! Had I spoke my mind years ago, it might not have been necessary to completely sever friendships as well as familial relationships. However, I don’t feel bad about doing what had to be done. When we value ourselves, we will not allow anyone to break us.

In 2018, I followed the example of one of my favorite movie characters: Michael Corleone, “I settled all family business“.

I urge you all to do the same. Freedom feels wonderful, so take a chance! Tell him or her that you love them and want to be with them; tell him or her that they’re cool, but you don’t feel as they do; (calmly) tell those who have hurt you to STEP! Get rid of those secrets that have become cement in your shoes. Whatever it is that is stifling you, now is the time to wash you hands of it.

Life is without precedence”

~Marty Rubin

 

When Your Strengths Are Their Insecurities

“Just Be Thankful For What You’ve Got”

~William DeVaughn

We all have those moments when we are feeling the three F’s: “fine, fly, and fabulous”. There’s nothing wrong with that. If we don’t think highly of ourselves, how can we expect anyone else to? Contrary to what most of us are led to believe, we can be proud of ourselves, and even demonstrate that pride, without making others feel bad or awkward due to our own self esteem.

Confident people are often regarded as conceited and/or arrogant; this isn’t always true. When a person works hard at what they know, what they have, or even how they look, they should not feel compelled to “dumb it down” for those who are less confident.

Even though we all have resources and access to the same information, and sometimes the same opportunities, not everyone takes advantage of said information and opportunities. It’s been my experience that most of the time, it is these types of people who are quick to offer a negative opinion, mostly because they lack the nerve required to try, do, or say, the things that they really would like to express. Unfortunately, we often experience these types of attitudes from close friends and relatives–the very people of whom we are proud of, and would expect to be proud of us. Instead, they’d rather keep us in a box with them, because that makes them feel better about themselves. But, what about us?

My Story

I’ve always been told that I am an attractive person, but it took me years to believe that. Even though I was told often told that I was pretty, personally, I couldn’t see that until much later. However, I’ve always been intelligent, and this I have always known. I was a poor student (mostly because of my disdain for being told what to do), but even my teachers knew that I was far from stupid.

Growing up, I had many friends. I’m an extrovert, and people tend to gravitate to me. It has always been that way. I’ve also always been funny, so my thing was making people laugh, which I thought was extremely cool (in fact, to this day, laughter is my favorite compliment). As adolescence approached, things amongst my peers changed, and as result, the whole paradigm for what was accepted as “cool” changed. The focus was now more aesthetic than conscious. In other words, no one really cared about how smart or funny a person was, as long as they were cool and looked good. Those who possessed all four were golden, yet rare.

And Then Things Changed

By this time, I knew that I was all four, even though this couldn’t be proved academically. I was extremely comfortable in my skin. Most of my friends were guys. That was cool because there was no competition amongst peers. However, there was a lot of time spent defining roles and the rules of friendship. The few girlfriends that I had were quite different, save for those who, like me, were devoid of esteem issues. While in the presence of some of my girlfriends, I found myself playing the dummy– asking for advice on things that I understood better than they did. Basically, I had allowed myself to be the Black Chrissy Snow (Three’s Company) of the crew, as an effort to leave them something to feel good about. The problem with that was, of course, I didn’t care for being Chrissy Snow. In fact, I’m sure that I was smarter than they were.

I’ve always been very well read. Between my mother and my favorite aunt, Lee, I always had books, but still, I really enjoyed being a teenager. I’ve also always been a free spirit, which is an awful lot to take for those who are not. Although I’ve never been a religious person, I was (and still am) interested in all faiths. This gave the “so called” smart girls one up on me (so they thought). Where I’m from, there are two choices: of the church, or not of the church. I had tried the church and eventually chose, “not of the church“. This would become another case of “dumbing it down“, because even though I wasn’t into religion, I understood it.

Enough Became Enough

This went on and on pretty much all through the ’90s and and part of the early ‘2000s. Finally, I got tired of being the Black Chrissy Snow, when I was more like any one of the main cast of “Girlfriends“. My mother told me that this would happen. She even told me who I would have to distance myself from. Mama was right on both accounts. As I began to allow myself to be myself, without dumbing it down for the sake of those who did not have the nerve to be bold, my original circle got smaller, and that was okay by me. The universe replaced them with people who couldn’t care less about who I was aesthetically. I was now aligned with people who fed me consciously, and I, them. No competition, all love.

When I think of all the years that I spent playing a role and depriving myself, as well the world, the benefit of my true self, I feel cheated– and I am right to feel that way. I only have myself to blame. I never went out of my way to make anyone feel bad for what they are or are not, so I should not have had to appeal to their insecurities. By doing so, maybe I had made things worse for them.

It’s Not Your Problem

The moral of the story is that the blessings that have been bestowed upon you are meant for you to use. You can’t be responsible for how others feel about themselves, and you certainly cannot allow their insecurities to affect your happiness, energy, or growth.

When you are feeling fine, fly, and fabulous, don’t feel that it is inappropriate for you to act as such. Never give anyone the power to make you feel bad about feeling good and celebrating yourself. When we show the universe that we appreciate the gifts and talents that we are given, it tends to send us more.

“It’s your thing, do what you wanna do”

~The Isley Brothers