I Love You/ I Hate You
I thought I understood the concepts of love and hate. I thought they were polar opposites, but I was wrong. Not only are love and hate NOT polar opposites, but they’re bed buddies.
The other day, I thought about my friend and how through right or wrong, thick or thin, left or right, up or down, he was there. When I make great decisions, he praises me. When I have great ideas, he encourages me. When I say something stupid, he questions me. And, when I’m making horrible choices, he will check the hell out of me — by any means necessary.
What’s most cool about my friend is that he’s cool. I mean, he can hang out with me, and listen to me without prejudice, even if he disagrees. He’s all about my growth, as I am all about his. We understand that a differential point of view could lead to reassessments of ourselves, and that’s important. He allows me to be me, because he knows that I will anyway. He also knows that in one way or another, he’ll probably be there to help me pick up the pieces should things go awry, but he’ll also cuss me out during the whole process. We never fall apart because of those things — that’s just how our relationship is.
My friend finds what is deep inside of me, and he encourages me to pursue it, and be great. When I doubt myself, he tells me how great I am. He suggests that I uncover, or rediscover untapped or forgotten talents. He believes in me, even when I don’t.
He gives me the game, step by step, and he drills it into my head, because he’s my teacher. He knows how much I know, because he taught me. When I go against what he knows that I know, all kindness and tact are out the window, and he reads me the riot act — not because he’s jackass, but because he knows that I know better.
However, my friend is not always available. Sometimes he doesn’t text or call back, like he doesn’t have time for me. Apparently, he has a life of his own. But, while he’s having his life, Im all alone. I have no one to talk to. No one to tell me to keep going, or that I’m pretty, great, funny, or smart. I have no one to encourage me, or reprimand me for acting against who I am, as well as what I know. He’s not paying attention to me! What did I do? What is he doing that I can’t know about? I’ve been knowing him all of my life, or maybe just a few years, or maybe both. I can’t tell you where he goes, what he’s doing, what he’s hiding (if anything), or if he’s really avoiding me, because I don’t know.
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I have what I want, EVER? Why does my friend go away when he knows that I need him. Why am I expendable to him? He’s not expendable to me. I’d fight heaven and hell and risk eternal damnation if he was so much as stung my a mosquito. I ain’t shit to him. He’ll just forget that I exist for a while, at a glance, and then come back as if everything is cool. That’s not love. I don’t know what that is called.
I’m not exactly clear of what hate feels like, but I’d imagine that it feels like this. He hates me, so I hate him. I hate him for showing up at all, when I didn’t ask for him. I hate him for taking me only so far and then bailing on me. I hate him for expecting me to understand the game without him being there to guide me, or for encouraging me, and then not being there. I hate him for having a pat of his life that I am not a part of. I hate him for not loving me the way that I love him. I hate him because he wouldn’t move when I wanted him to move. I’m mad because he had other obligations. My hatred of him is mostly because I’m mirroring his hatred of me. He hates me, so I hate him.
He hates me because I’m needy, but he made me needy. I didn’t ask him to even be there — but he was — that was his idea. He hates me for always being there, but not always being where he wanted me to be. He hates me because he should be spending time with better people. His girl hates me because she thinks something is going on between us. So, he hates me because I’m in the way. He hates me because he can’t chew gum and walk at the same time — in other words, he can’t tell me when he’s involved with a woman, even though I’m his friend, so he distances himself from me. Essentially, he hates me because he’s chump.
We FU#K%N Hate Each Other! But We Don’t…
Hate and love are very closely related, but many of us never realize it. We equate the same hate that we have for inanimate objects, with the hate that we claim to have for each other. A person could hate a certain color, a certain food, TV shows and movies, or songs, without emotion, because they’re inanimate objects — they don’t have feelings, we have to attach feelings.
“I hate red because it was my ex’s favorite color”. “I hate broccoli because I was forced to eat it as a kid”. “I hate that song because it was playing when I totaled my car”.
Those are all things that don’t have feelings on their own, but due to circumstances, we’ve attached our own feelings and emotions to them.
That kind of hatred can’t be compared to that between human beings, except for in excruciating circumstances, for example: it’s not far fetched to have hatred for someone who has harmed you or a loved one. Nonetheless, the word “hate” is often miss used.
In the example of my friend and I, my hatred of him was based on what I believed was hatred from him towards me. I’m wondering things — and that could mean that I’m willing to make changes — and maybe those changes will make him stop these intermittent hiatuses. In fact, everything that I was mad at him for, or hated him for, was because I wanted him to be there for me, all of the time!
What we humans call hatred of each other, is just impatience, and maybe jealousy, and selfishness. Human beings can be very fickle when we don’t get our way. Our go to phrase is usually, “I hate, this, that or them”. Usually we don’t use the word correctly, and maybe thats not a bad thing. The word “hate” is spewed from person to person, only under the most intense emotions. We actually become a bit aroused when we feel hate. It’s said out of haste, and many times, people regret using the word at all.
Except for in very rare situations, hate and love are two sides of the same coin. We can’t feel that strongly about someone unless they are close enough to us to evoke certain emotions. We’d have to first love. And to mirror the hate of someone else, we’d have to care. Their love and acceptance, in one way or another, matters to us. When that pill becomes hard to swallow, we try to chase it down with hate — false hate.
I don’t hate my friend, and he does’t hate me. We love each other, but we don’t love everything about each other. Sometimes we need space. And, yes, we have own lives and outside of our friendship. We don’t love each other in the same way, and at the same time, but we love each other all of the time.
Love and hate are not much different. In fact, one cannot exist without the other. So, why not just say, “I love you” instead of, “I hate you”. After all, that’s the truth.
“It’s so sad but I hate you like a day without sunshine. It’s so bad but I hate you ’cause you’re all that’s ever on my mind”
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