Transitioning From The Inside

You Must First Change Yourself

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As I have shared in this blog, as well in my YouTube vlogs, I’m in the process of making a major transition.  In fact, it’s more than a transition, I call it a hard reset.  The goal is to completely transform my life from the mundane act of going through the motions, to a life where I am happy, being myself, and enjoying life.

Although this change is special to me, it’s really not that special because anyone can do it.  The problem is that most people are afraid to potentially give up their comfort for something that may, or may not work. Or, they are fooling themselves by believing that they are not prepared, and the time isn’t right at the time — but at some point, all of those things will line up.  The truth is that it won’t. (Sorry.)

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Starting over is not so much a thing of timing.  It’s more of a thing of having the right mindset — preparing your mind, body, and spirit, if you are to execute this transition effectively.  From what I’ve experienced thus far, it’s the personal changes that are the most taxing.  It isn’t easy to unlearn habits, beliefs, and ideas that you’ve had for your entire life, or for an extended amount of time, due to conditioning or life experiences.  Even though it’s a difficult task, it’s necessary.  There is no point in taking the baggage that you are presently carrying into the new life that you are creating for yourself.  If you’re going to do that, you might as well stay where you are — why waste your time?

There are obvious changes that you should make, such as: going through your belongings and throwing away, giving away, or donating things that you no longer use and will not be taking into your new life.  You’ll also want to bring a healthier you into your new situation, so you’ll probably start eating better, working out, ridding yourself of vices, and living a cleaner life.  You want to be healthy enough to enjoy your new journey.  These are relatively easy changes to make.  You might have to deal with attachment issues (for the things that you will give or throw away), and it could be difficult to replace old, bad habits with new, better habits.   But you can do it.  It’s a small step, and you will realize that sooner than you think.

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You’ll also want to increase your peace of mind.  You might start meditating or perhaps, doing yoga.  It’s important to learn to slow yourself down.  Relax, don’t take yourself too seriously, and don’t allow anyone or anything to stress you out (not even you!) If you cannot clear your mind of the clutter that has been holding you back, or keeping you in the position that you currently occupy, you’re not yet ready to change your life.  You have to constantly remind yourself of why you are making this change (I’m using the word remind because you should already know).  In doing that, you must research, research, and then do more research.  If you’re planning to move to another town, learn as much as you can about that town.  What is their major industry? What is the cost of living? What is the crime rate? Does it support the things that you are interested in? Utilize the internet, and if you know people who are living there, talk to them about it.  Ask lot’s of questions (I know this for sure, as I am pestering my friends even as I type this…)  If you are going to start a new career, start a business, or go back to school, find out what is required for you to become successful in that field.  The research should never stop — even after you get to where you want to be.  It takes work and patience (LOTS of patience) to do all of those things, but it’s not the hardest part of the transition.

And Now For The Hard Parts!

Unlearning bad habits and reversing conditioning is the hardest part of this journey.  When you’ve been acting and doing things a certain ways for years, you become set in your ways, and this is not easy to reverse.  Only you can decide which parts of you should go with you into the next volume of your life, and what parts should be left behind.  This change will probably happen gradually, and you might not even notice the change at first.  When you are focused on what you want (or what you want to do) the most, you won’t give life to some things or people.  Don’t feel bad about it when it happens (and it WILL happen).  Accept it.  It’s necessary.

Beef

“You ain’t got the balls to beef/ We ain’t goin’ never stop beefin’ I don’t squash the beef”

~Eminem 

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That was me! I used to quote that line at least once a week. And, when I said it, I meant it!  If we had beef, it was forever (or at least for a very long time).  Now, when I look back on that behavior — that mindset, I’m embarrassed that I acted that way. (But “Kill You” by Eminem is now and always will be the joint!)

I do not beef or have beef with people, anymore.  I now see it as an act of futility.  When you’re beefing with someone, they own a part of your spirit.  Whenever you see that person (in real life or online) or hear that persons name, it will change your mood.  There’ll be times when you’ll sit and stew about the problem that you have with  this person, for no reason at all.  The beef that you have with another person only gives power to those who are otherwise powerless, so why do it? When I have a problem with someone, I don’t spend time around them.  I don’t do things to try to engage them, and I don’t allow them to do those things to me.  If we don’t mesh well, then we don’t — no hard feelings — but there isn’t going to be any beef.  I don’t eat beef, and I don’t give it my precious time and energy.

I’ve Got No Point To Prove

When in a disagreement with someone, I no longer feel it necessary to force an issue until my point is understood.  There is no point in that, especially when speaking to someone who has already decided that they are right, and you are wrong — or that they are not interested in what you have to say, but want you to hear them out.  In this kind of situation, I say what I have to say, and then I give the other party the mic… as I walk away.  I don’t worry about having the last word.  I don’t worry about whether or not my point is understood, agreed with, or accepted.  I will not allow negative energy into my life, and those who want to argue, and beat a point to death cannot offer anything other than negative energy.  Besides, it’s usually not that important.  Walk away, you’ve got better things to do.  You will find that life is more pleasant when you are able to relinquish the last word for the sake of sanity.

Recognize Disloyalty

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If you learn that someone is disloyal to you, chances are, they’ve never been loyal to you.  The realization of that might be a hard pill to swallow, but you need to acknowledge and accept it.  You might not have seen what this person was doing, or maybe you charged it to “them being them“, because you loved that person.  You can’t allow people who don’t wish you well — or don’t support you — to be in your circle.  They are dangerous, and they will hold you back.  They are the very people who will try to talk you out of transitioning.  They’re not strong enough to stand with you, so you don’t need for them to be there.  As always, no hard feelings, but you have to remove ALL of the dead weight in your life, and protect your vibe as you move on toward your destiny.

Don’t Worry!

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Take a page from Stevie Wonder‘s book, and “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout A Thang” (ok, so it’s a song — not a book.  You get what I mean though.)  Worrying is for suckers! Whatever it is that you think you need to worry about, take it from me, you don’t.  The only change that worry can produce is the change from calm to stressed out.  If the problem that has you vexed is fixable, fix it.  If it’s not fixable, let it go.  Worrying certainly won’t fix anything (and I feel it necessary to add that worrying will cause you to age faster).  Do you ever see people who seem to be smiling whenever you see them, as if they don’t have a care in the world? It’s very unlikely that those people never have a problem, and that their lives are always peaches and cream.  Humans have to deal with unpleasantries now and then.  People who appear to be on top of the world all of the time have learned to stop, breathe, appreciate the beautiful things in life, and they’ve learned to separate what they can control from what they can’t control. They understand that worrying, wallowing, and complaining won’t change anything, so they don’t worry, wallow, or complain.  Stop, breathe, and move forward.  You have shit to do!

Leave The Past In The Past

I can’t say this enough, or loud enough:  LEAVE THE PAST IN THE PAST! DON’T LOOK BACK!  You only need to take the lessons into your next revolution.  The past is baggage, and it will only clutter up the new life that you are trying to build.  Remember, this is a hard reset.  You are re-initializing your core, and ending current operations to create and make room for new operations.  That won’t happen if you insist on bringing fragments of the past into your new, sterile environment. Take the lessons, leave the baggage.

Steer Your Life In The Direction That You Want It To Go

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Grabbing your life by the horns and steering it into the direction that you want it to go takes nerve, strength, courage, moxie, and you have to be a little bit crazy.  Gather all of those traits and go for it.  First, you must get yourself together — mind, body, and soul.  This new life is supposed to expose you to new things and make you feel better about yourself.  This is also an opportunity for you to inspire others to take a chance and try something new whether they are happy, or unhappy in their current position.  That’s what we are here to do: encourage, inspire, and help each other to do better, and  become better.

“Success comes from the inside out.  In order to change what is on the outside, you must change what is on the inside.”

~Idowu Kayenikan

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