The Right Way To Say The Wrong Things

 When You Don’t Have Something Good To Say

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I’m sure that everyone has heard the saying, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all“.  That logic can be applied to many things: if you don’t have anything interesting to say, positive to say, beneficial to say, and so on. Imagine if all humans were to follow this rule.  This would be a very quiet planet.  Honestly, there isn’t always something good to say — but that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t be said. (And, always keep in mind, even if it isn’t “nice“, it SHOULD be said if saying it can stop anyone from getting hurt. –Ed.)

Finding A Positive Spin

I work very hard at always trying to put a positive spin on any situation, regardless of how unpleasant things may be.  This is not easy, and I’m not always successful at this practice.  Still, moment after moment, I try to maintain good vibes by finding the bright side of any situation.

It’s Not Always Easy

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The bright side can be difficult to find.  There are also times when there is no bright side.  In life, sometimes things just are what they are, and you have to deal with them.  Even when there might not be a bright side, there are always other options or opportunities to devise a new plan or simply walk away.

Humans are emotional beings.  Often, our knee jerk response is to react with negativity. (It’s a defense mechanism we engage to push away the potential harmful stimulus. – Ed.) We, perhaps, use choice words, or say mean things about someone or something — it happens.  Although we know that this is not the best way to express ourselves, we still do it.  And briefly, it feels good.  Later, after we’ve realized how we’ve acted, it doesn’t feel so good, and we begin to feel regret.  Some things can be undone, and nothing can be unsaid.  Though we ask for forgiveness and are often forgiven, no one ever forgets. (Except me — very forgetful.  But, I remember that feeling! –Ed.) This is no reason to punish yourself.  Make amends, accept that you’re human, and as humans, we don’t always do or say the right things.  Go on with your life, and continue to practice controlling your emotions, reactions, and your words.

Sometimes, There’s Nothing To Say

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There is a fine line between being honest and being evasive.  In my opinion, there is very little that is more annoying than a person who is tip-toeing around the truth to avoid offending anyone.  I’m a very “spit it out or shut it up!” kind of person. When you have something relevant to say — and there is no nice way to say it — this does not mean that it shouldn’t be said, and there is no reason for you to feel apprehensive.  “Relevant” is the operative word.  If what you have to say is relevant and not coming from an overly aggressive and angry place, you should speak your mind, especially when dealing with someone who is treating you unfavorably.  Employ tact, and keep your composure.  State your case, and make your point, even if your audience does not agree. Sometimes, you have to be cruel to be kind (DAMMIT! I can’t stand cliches and platitudes, and so far I’ve used two in this article! LOL!). Consider the greater good.  Even if what you have to say can be construed as negative and/or aggressive, the results of your words can still be positive.

Keep A Positive Mindset… Well, Try To…

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Yes, of course, keeping a positive mindset is the cornerstone of keeping your vibe high.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know that.  But, keeping a positive mindset will not prevent life from happening.  At it’s best, staying positive will help you to better deal with life as it happens.  However, it will not make you less human.  There will still be times when you are not proud of the way that you reacted to certain situations.   What works for me (more times than not — but, sometimes, not), is to consider three things before reacting.

 

  • Relevance:  Is this situation worth my time and energy, or is my response the result of emotions and ego?
  • Necessity:  Is what I have to say necessary? How will it help or change this situation? Will what I have to say make anything better, whether now or in the long run? Am I using my words to hurt or heal?
  • Emotion: Am I angry or hurt? If so, why? Is my anger or hurt relevant, or is it drenched in ego?

Most of the time, asking myself those questions will help me to respond more rationally, instead of surrendering to my knee jerk reaction.  As I’ve said, this works MOST OF THE TIME.  There are times when I fail miserably, and I’d end up feeling rotten about it.  Just like everyone else, I am a work in progress.  I’m only perfect at being imperfect.  As we strive for excellence, we become better human beings, our spirits grow, and eventually, we won’t have to work as hard at choosing our words and actions more carefully. In the interim, speak out for the sake of the greater good, without apprehension.

“Step with care and great tact, and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act.”

Dr. Seuss

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